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Original poster

Vegas and Strippers

254 replies

Hexagonmum · 14/02/2022 00:15

So my DH is off to Vegas for his brothers stag do. There's a whole bunch of them going together which is fine as they'll have a great time.
My concern is I've overheard them on their video chat speaking of going to a strip joint.

I don't want my DH going to a strip joint, like what the actual fuck, just because it's a stag do doesn't mean they have to act like idiots and all excited about seeing strippers, it makes me sick as to how sleazy men are.

I spoke to him after his video chat and he said if all his boys are going to the strip joint he doesn't want to be the only one not going. I told him that I class it as cheating and for him to make his decision but not to lie to me and to tell me the truth if he ends up going or not.

I'm standing firm on this.

OP posts:
BritWifeInUSA · 14/02/2022 01:40

It’s a stag do. Did you think they were going to take photos of the scenery in the desert? Strippers in Vegas should be low on the list of concerns. Ranches would be more of a concern if I were you.

halloweenie13 · 14/02/2022 01:45

I completely agree with you, even going to get aroused by another woman is cheating. Honestly tell him straight if he partakes he wont be welcome back.

Linguini · 14/02/2022 01:54

01:17 Hexagonmum

A few years ago his best mate had a stag do and they went to a strip joint, he told them he wasn't going as it wouldn't be right and he went back to his hotel room.

Umm.... Just... Umm.....

DryOldCaper · 14/02/2022 02:22

A few years ago his best mate had a stag do and they went to a strip joint, he told them he wasn't going as it wouldn't be right and he went back to his hotel room.

I’m really sorry - but I do think he lied to you about this. Flowers

The only reason you know about the upcoming strippers is because you overheard them talking. He didn’t tell you.

Abraxan · 14/02/2022 02:27

Fortunately, my dh is in the same page re strip clubs as I am. Before he know exactly how much I oppose them, he felt the same. He has no desire to go to one and sees them as seedy places which are likely taking advantage of vulnerable young women. Some of the performers are very young looking based in what people I know who've been tell me. We have an young adult daughter and dh just feels it would be really wrong of him to be watching someone that age dancing half naked, let alone anything closer.

He's been to a stag do which involved a strip club. He didn't go. He wasn't the only one who,skipped it. 5 or 6 of them went. Three of them didn't want to and just went for a curry instead.

If he didn't want to go he could easily say no. Most grown men know how to,stand up for themselves. Peer pressure shouldn't be a factor for adult men! Which suggests he wants to go.

mathanxiety · 14/02/2022 02:29

Yeah, he lied to you about the previous stag do.

You are married to a spineless weakling who cares much more about what his mates think of him than the concerns and the wellbeing of women.

You have a decision to make.

snowcabin · 14/02/2022 07:43

@halloweenie13

I completely agree with you, even going to get aroused by another woman is cheating. Honestly tell him straight if he partakes he wont be welcome back.
Even getting aroused by another woman is cheating..? Sorry, but this is utter nonsense. You make your vows and suddenly all other women turn into ogres in your mind?

For me, the point is that despite finding other women attractive and even finding them arousing (gasp!), DH chooses not to be inappropriate or act on it. That he chooses to be respectful.

Original poster
Hexagonmum · 14/02/2022 09:01

No he really didn't go to his friends stag as he was on the phone to me all night where we were just chatting away and having a laugh.

It's true though from all your replies that he's man enough to stand up for himself so he shouldn't be feeling peer pressure to go AND being in his forties how nasty is it going to see women in their twenties gyrating and naked and maybe even getting a lap dance. It's this thought that's really putting me off him if he does decide to go, it genuinely will be the end of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hexagonmum · 14/02/2022 09:01

I meant he went to his friends stag but not the strip joint bit

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 14/02/2022 09:05

It's not cheating though, it's also kind of the norm whilst in Vegas. What do you think is going to happen? Him run off and fall in love with a Vegas stripper!

MissMaple82 · 14/02/2022 09:08

If your girlfriends were doing a male strippers hen night would you be so offended and not go? Would you think your fella give a toss?

Hopefullyoneday12 · 14/02/2022 09:10

I understand why you don't want him going. I never looked at my husband the same way after he had a lap dance on his stag do. Just made me realise he was one of those seedy, gross 'lads' after all. Along with all his mates who were also involved.

Why does someone getting married mean it's all cool for them to be looking at (and touching!) naked ladies. And it's not the same as watching porn. These women are right there in front of their boners.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 14/02/2022 09:19

@MissMaple82

It's not cheating though, it's also kind of the norm whilst in Vegas. What do you think is going to happen? Him run off and fall in love with a Vegas stripper!
He's about the right age for this tbf. OP It would be the end for me too. Sleazy objectification of other human beings is not an attractive trait.
Divebar2021 · 14/02/2022 09:21

Well I guess you’ll be getting divorced then if he goes 🤷‍♀️

Wnkingawalrus · 14/02/2022 09:27

What did you think they were going to be doing in Vegas?!

This is exactly why what goes on tour, stays on tour. Literally no good will come from wives and girlfriends knowing the group went to a strip club. And more to the point, really no harm would come from it either.

ANameChangeAgain · 14/02/2022 09:28

I don't think it matters whether or not other posters see it as cheating or not. Just because others are okay with it, it doesn't mean you have to be. My dh went to a strip club for his bil's stag do and I didn't like it but wasn't upset. This was 20 years ago, and I think we are more educated now about grooming, trafficing and drug gang involvement. If my dh went to one now I would wonder who I had married.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/02/2022 09:31

These debates are on here all the time and it always boils down to objectification of women, and theres never a resolution.

If you feel really strongly about it then stick to your guns. Doesnt really matter what other peoples views are on it or if they think you're be reasonable or not.

Mumoblue · 14/02/2022 09:31

If you’ve told him it’s a dealbreaker and he’s still planning on going, he doesn’t respect your boundaries.

StScholastica · 14/02/2022 09:32

I genuinely don't get the whole seedy stag and hen do scene. Need a way to celebrate the union of 2 people forming a lifelong, loving union? I know, let's go out in a group, get pissed and bray at a load of strippers getting their kit off.
It's just so at odds with the beautiful elegant weddings that they are all planning.
So crass. Tell him to go fishing or something.

Seasidemumma77 · 14/02/2022 09:33

My DP went along with his mates, on a stag do, to a strip bar. He is still 'a legend' in the eyes of his mates, for getting chucked out of the strip bar for sitting with his back to the entertainment and answering his emails on his phone. Whenever anyone talks about strippers, his mates proudly tell the story again

OhWhyNot · 14/02/2022 09:34

Good for you

You decide what you boundaries are for yourself not him or anyone else

OldTinHat · 14/02/2022 09:36

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. All this pearl clutching smacks of insecurity.

OhWhyNot · 14/02/2022 09:40

Why is it insecure

Many just don’t agree with men going to watch strippers they think it is seedy

Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone their view as being a creep

TabithaTittlemouse · 14/02/2022 09:41

What are you going to do?

Stath · 14/02/2022 09:43

I’d not be happy that my DH chose to socialise and be friends with a bunch of men who believe that dehumanising and objectifying women as pieces of meat to get their pathetic stiffies was okay.

Fucking misogynistic attitudes that no amount of Vegas glitter can hide.

I’m so glad that the father of my daughters also sees this blatant sexual exploitation of young women (and often children) for what it is.

Yet again it’s depressing to see the absolute floor scraping bar they set for their relationships with men Hmm

@Hexagonmum don’t let him or anyone else try and gaslight you that treating women and girls as non sentient wank objects is ‘normal’ Flowers

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