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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Vegas and Strippers

254 replies

Hexagonmum · 14/02/2022 00:15

So my DH is off to Vegas for his brothers stag do. There's a whole bunch of them going together which is fine as they'll have a great time.
My concern is I've overheard them on their video chat speaking of going to a strip joint.

I don't want my DH going to a strip joint, like what the actual fuck, just because it's a stag do doesn't mean they have to act like idiots and all excited about seeing strippers, it makes me sick as to how sleazy men are.

I spoke to him after his video chat and he said if all his boys are going to the strip joint he doesn't want to be the only one not going. I told him that I class it as cheating and for him to make his decision but not to lie to me and to tell me the truth if he ends up going or not.

I'm standing firm on this.

OP posts:

Grumpsy · 14/02/2022 11:09

Personally it wouldn’t bother me, even if DH had a private dance. But as another poster has said if a strip club is your red line then that’s valid.

SarahJessicaPorker · 14/02/2022 11:10

@Dollybirds

The women choose this profession obviously they are happy enough!

If you had read the thread, you would see at least one former sex worker who was coerced into the job from the age of 12.

Ridiculous comment from you. You clearly no zilch about the industry tbh but your disgusting husband still uses it to get his jollies. Grim as fuck

EllaVaNight · 14/02/2022 11:10

Stath, tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz Thank you. It took me a long time to understand the shame isn't mine, but those who traffic and those who fund the industry by going to these establishments. I now have a beautiful family and a job I love, and I'll never stop being vocal about my experiences.

SarahJessicaPorker · 14/02/2022 11:11

I'm so glad you are able to be vocal about what happened to you eva. You are right; the shame is theirs 100%

jeaux90 · 14/02/2022 11:12

Any man who buys into the degradation, trafficking and dehumanisation of women and girls is not worth your time.

The vast majority of women working in any part of the sex industry are vulnerable and being exploited.

Katya213 · 14/02/2022 11:20

It’s what men do on their lunch breaks, especially if they work in London, lot worse than a strip joint……..

DoNotTouchTheWater · 14/02/2022 11:21

@SarahJessicaPorker

The girls in the strip joint aren’t remotely interested in your husband.

Exactly; that's the problem. There are few things worse to me than a creepy man. And men sitting round watching women, (usually much younger than they are, so there is an added layer to the power imbalance there), dancing around for their pleasure when the women as you say have ZERO interest in them sexually, is massively creepy.

Yes. It just makes my skin crawl.

Absolutely creeps.

JackieQueen · 14/02/2022 11:21

Ella

SarahJessicaPorker · 14/02/2022 11:23

@Katya213

It’s what men do on their lunch breaks, especially if they work in London, lot worse than a strip joint……..

So? If you want to date or be friends with these guys, you go for it. The fact that a lot of men do it or worse does not make it any less unattractive to me

DoNotTouchTheWater · 14/02/2022 11:24

@Katya213

It’s what men do on their lunch breaks, especially if they work in London, lot worse than a strip joint……..

Let’s all just excuse bad male behaviour then. Because there are other men doing even more misogynistic things out there, so that makes it ok.

Similarly, it doesn’t matter if someone in the UK is not able to afford to feed their children this week because really terrible things are happening to children and families in the eastern DRC........ 🙄🙄🙄

Whatifitallgoesright · 14/02/2022 11:26

You clearly meant to say VEGANS and strippers.

thecatsthecats · 14/02/2022 11:29

@Seasidemumma77

My DP went along with his mates, on a stag do, to a strip bar. He is still 'a legend' in the eyes of his mates, for getting chucked out of the strip bar for sitting with his back to the entertainment and answering his emails on his phone. Whenever anyone talks about strippers, his mates proudly tell the story again

My husband has been to a strip club (early days of uni, flatmates who were a lot more laddish than him), and spent the entire time texting his gay best friend complaining about the skanky ethos, the music and the price of the drinks. Then he was too scared to tell me about it but his gay friend dobbed him in because he thought I had a right to know.

I think it says so much about someone if they have the kind of friends who will call them out and bring out their best side, not their worst.

nettytree · 14/02/2022 11:30

Have you ever been to see the chippendales or watched magic Mike on TV. It amounts to the same thing in my eyes. Channing tatum has the body of a god, but I would pick my chubby husband any day. Trust him.

SarahJessicaPorker · 14/02/2022 11:35

netty if you cannot see the difference between a privileged, male super star being paid whatever he was paid to make Magic Mike and a woman who is statistically much more likely to be vulnerable than not, and also you cannot tell tell difference between watching it on TV and sitting right in front of someone who may not want to be there while you get off and she has to dance and look sexy for you, then I don't think there's a lot I can do to help you.

And no, I've not been to see the Chippendales; this isn't 1991. And I haven't seen Magic Mike either.

StripStripHooray · 14/02/2022 11:36

@Dollybirds

The women choose this profession obviously they are happy enough!

It shouldn't be a "profession" available to be able to choose. It shouldn't be normal that a man can go down a high street and pay money to look at a woman's body.

It's exploitative and mysogynistic at best.

At worst there are women like EllaVaNight who have experienced hell because of it.

I chose to work in strip clubs, made good money, never needed drink or drugs to be able to work and have come out the other side fairly well adjusted. I am fortunate.

It is fundamentally wrong that women are bought and sold, however its packaged on the outside.

Cognoscenti · 14/02/2022 11:37

@nettytree

I can honestly say no to both.

It isn't about trust - if my partner went to a strip club I don't think he'd cheat on me, but I would still have a problem with the fact he's okay with/enjoys leering at half-naked women, many of whom have been forced into it. It's not the kind of person I want to be around.

DearlyBeloathed · 14/02/2022 11:38

No he really didn't go to his friends stag as he was on the phone to me all night where we were just chatting away and having a laugh

So he ditched everyone to go and sit with you on the phone all night? Weird.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 14/02/2022 11:38

Shitty attitudes to women is a reasonable fight to pick, I'd say. And any man who found this to be a threat to his masculinity is probably a bit of a knob.

And stag do's don't always involve leering over young women and girls.

I feel sorry for daughters of any man who enjoys being entertained this way.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/02/2022 11:40

Cognoscenti

nettytree
Have you ever been to see the chippendales or watched magic Mike on TV.”

No. Don’t know who magic Mike is.

SarahJessicaPorker · 14/02/2022 11:40

@DearlyBeloathed

No he really didn't go to his friends stag as he was on the phone to me all night where we were just chatting away and having a laugh

So he ditched everyone to go and sit with you on the phone all night? Weird.

Doesn't sound weird to me at all. It's a strong choice to stand up to your friends when they're doing something you don't agree with. Way more attractive than being a weasilly creep, leering over girls and then saying "but the bigger boys made me do it" 🤢

AnyFucker · 14/02/2022 11:41

There is something much more “emasculating” (they way pp defines it) about men collectively seeking sexual arousal together

Closet homosexuality. Nobody likes to “banter” about that though, do they. No, enjoying your hard on in the presence of your drinking buddies is pure red blooded male yes indeed

Babyvenusplant · 14/02/2022 11:41

A few years ago his best mate had a stag do and they went to a strip joint, he told them he wasn't going as it wouldn't be right and he went back to his hotel room.

Sorry op but I highly doubt that happened

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 14/02/2022 11:41

@Dollybirds

The girls in the strip joint aren’t remotely interested in your husband. It’s solely a job for them. They dance.

I wouldn’t have an issue with my dp going to a strip joint. I’d probably ask him what the girls were like and we’d have a laugh about it

Are you uncomfortable because he’s looking at another girl semi naked? He probably looks at porn all the tie and does the same

I'd be more uncomfortable he was getting a hard on over a girl who has quite possibly been trafficked.

TheRealityCheque · 14/02/2022 11:42

Give your head a wobble.

'cheating'. Lol

It's no different from all the women that get a stripper for a hen do. Or go see the dreamboys etc.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 14/02/2022 11:42

@Dollybirds

The women choose this profession obviously they are happy enough!

Did you read contributions from posters like Ella?

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