What would YOU do?

[Lyonic]

I have twin boys aged 2 and a half who will be starting nursery soon. While it has been a struggle to get to this stage theough covid, the idea of freeing up some time to get the house in order unmolested! Cant wait.

The issue is that my mother who has been retired for over a year has not offered any support for childcare. I was left in the care of my grandparents for 3 hours a day, Mon - Fri, yet us asking help for 1 day a week is crossing a line?

I feel im im the right but wanted to know what you think?

How does she? Please explain?

That’s what they say isn’t it? That the wrong people are having too many children and it’s harmful to the human race for western people to not have kids or to have fewer of them. Seriously, all the pro-birth rhetoric like that that from the OP comes from the right wing.

@Skilovingmama where did I say baby boomers had it easy?

If she's retired, and fit and well, the normal thing to do would be to help you out. Maybe not a fixed commitment, but certainly as and when you're stuck, or needing a break. Only ever using paid childcare costs a fortune.

Sounds like your mum got loads of help, so she must know what a godsend it is. Shame she doesn't want to pay some of that forward to help her own daughter. Having had help and an easier time raising her own kids, seems she now wants a chilled retirement too. Great for her, shit for you sadly.

[quote weansu]@Skilovingmama where did I say baby boomers had it easy?

[/quote]
Sorry maybe it was someone else. Someone did.

I have a child your twins age. Mum helps he whenever I ask. One day is not asking a lot is it?!

It's the way the western world operates now aparently. All these childless career women, dreading the dawn as they drink the last of the red wine, while picking out the cat hair.

What a nasty, bitchy thing to say.

@Daisylookslost

I have a child your twins age. Mum helps he whenever I ask. One day is not asking a lot is it?!

One day= not a lot One day a week = a lot

@Skilovingmama

How does she? Please explain?

That’s what they say isn’t it? That the wrong people are having too many children and it’s harmful to the human race for western people to not have kids or to have fewer of them. Seriously, all the pro-birth rhetoric like that that from the OP comes from the right wing.

She never once mentioned race, you did.

Human beings have children. Its how you got here via 300 thousand years. Not having children harms the human race and its chance for survival.

You have to put your time in to humanity!

The world is overpopulated, don't pretend you had kids in case the world ran out of people.

You’ve just got to ask her, e.g. ‘DM, I am worn out, any chance you could have DT for me for a couple of hours one day next week please’.

Simple as that.

@Skilovingmama

But statistically that generation did have it good

No they didn’t. Only about 5% of them went to university and leaving school at 14 with no qualifications was common, often so they could help their parents put food on the table. Sex discrimination at work was rife - women often couldn’t go back to work after having kids, even if they wanted to. While I agree that house prices in some parts of the country are expensive, it’s a myth that those from the baby boomer generation, many of whom grew up in harsh poverty and under post-war rationing, had it really easy.

It's not a myth. My mother's family were 'working class.' She has four siblings. None of them went to university. My mum said she wasn't even bothered about collecting her school qualifications. All of her siblings had good jobs and now own homes work 500,000 plus. My mum's friends have also done well for themselves. My grandparents had to pay for care in their old age due to the home they owned outright and their pensions.

Come back to us when you're your mothers age and being asked to care for 2.5 year old twins op. You're being massively unreasonable

I can’t believe the entitlement. Grandparents are entitled to enjoy their retirement, if they offer to babysit then lucky you, if not, make other arrangements! If it’s a one off, and you asked and she declined, I’d understand you being a bit peeved, but any kind of long standing agreement is a huge ask. Presumably, since you haven’t discussed this with her, you had children and planned for them without accounting for grandparent’s help, so, here it is.

• SparklingLime It's the way the western world operates now aparently. All these childless career women, dreading the dawn as they drink the last of the red wine, while picking out the cat hair.

What is the relevance of this, @Lyonic?

Excuse me?

I’m asking you how your strange comment is relevant here?

I think the overpopulation debate has gone off on a bit of a tangent, OP was just looking for a bit of advice on childcare -a problem that most of us have nowadays when we have to work for financial reasons and also want kids.

My mother and father help out with childcare from time to time and want to spend time with their grandchildren. They call people from their generation who refuse to help their own kids after recieving help themselves as selfish.

@SparklingLime

* SparklingLime It's the way the western world operates now aparently. All these childless career women, dreading the dawn as they drink the last of the red wine, while picking out the cat hair.

What is the relevance of this, @Lyonic?

Excuse me?

I’m asking you how your strange comment is relevant here?

I think OP is saying she's super special and it much more caring and family orientated as she's had kids. We childfree women are destined to be alone, drunk and with loads of cats. (TBH, that sounds better than having kids to me but we're all different.)

My MIL had loads of help from her parents, and never offered us any. My mum had no help from her parents (he mum died young) and offered us as much as we needed -no surprise who has the strongest relationship with the kids now they are older...

@slashlover

Human beings have children. Its how you got here via 300 thousand years. Not having children harms the human race and its chance for survival.

You have to put your time in to humanity!

The world is overpopulated, don't pretend you had kids in case the world ran out of people.

How is the world over popualted? Do you live in the city? There are so much land for families its unreal.

As much as I agree nobody owes you childcare, it's a bit rich that they relied on it so regularly with you and don't offer back. I'd make a sly comment but then again I'm petty.

I have a 2yr old and am 40, i would not want to be looking after twin 2yr olds. It’s exhausting as it is.

I think a lot of women look down their nose at people who want to have families inatead of careers. What us parents do has assures the survival of our species. If no one has kids, ita over.

Woah! That’s a lot of internalised misogyny you’ve got there. You’re coming across as increasingly unpleasant.

People are very me me me and the boomers that got free child care from their parents don't feel the need to pass that on and help look after their own grandchildren

Why do women with young children now think that we "boomers" got any help from our parents? I certainly didn't and neither did many of my peers, maybe one or two. It's only nowadays I hear of grandparents giving regular childcare.

Slash what are you doing on a forum like Mumsnet if you seem to have a massive disdain for women who want children