Yes to all of this. My friend is guilty of the teacher thing. Whenever I suggest anything to do together she always says we should wait until half-term, Easter, Summer, whatever holiday is coming up. I have to explain over and over again that I don’t get those holidays. Summer is the worst, she always tells me that there’s a whole 4 weeks (after her 2 week holiday) to find time to meet for coffee. From my point of view though, there’s only 6 weeks in which 10 members of my team all want to take a two week holiday and we still need adequate cover. So, if I’m off, I’m probably actually away on holiday and if not, I’m really busy at work because I’m covering for others and there’s no way I can take any additional time.
My parents and in-laws are as described by others on this thread. Even before covid, they didn’t get it. They’ve always call DH things like “the worker of the house” and ask him if he’s had a very busy day, then my dad will turn to me with a smirk and ask, “did you have a busy day too November? Lots of coffee to make for the boss, lots of papers to file”. I am the boss. I earn 3x what DH does and I work bloody hard with lots of long hours.
When covid hit, DH and I both worked throughout but his job can’t be done from home whereas mine transferred 100% to home working. Mum started calling several times in the middle of the day “because you’re not working”. I had to keep explaining that I am working and I’m in a series of meetings with clients all day every day. She then changed her tactic, telling me that I could call her at any time during the day because she was sure I’d be really bored and lonely at home. Then, if I didn’t call, she would call me to ask if I was bored and needed someone to talk to. I wish I had time to be bored! Dad, in the meantime, would regale me with stories about his friends’ (adult) children who were also furloughed but had renovated their houses and done all sorts of productive stuff while I was choosing to spend my furlough working. Again, I had to explain over and over again that there is a difference between furlough and wfh. I took a day’s annual leave for DH’s 40th last year and when I mentioned this, my parents fell about in hilarity – they genuinely thought I was making a joke about taking time off because there’s obviously nothing to take time off from. Similarly, a few weeks ago, we had to attend a dinner with DH’s family, booked for 5pm. He noted quite grumpily that he’d been able to finish work early but it had been difficult and then MiL turned to me to ask in a jokey manner, “and what about you, November? Was it difficult for you to get away from work early/” While the rest of the family fell about laughing. I just sat there with a straight face and stoney look, saying “yes, actually, I had to rearrange some important meetings which affects other people’s work schedules too” until they looked sheepish and dropped the subject.
Last year, my parents came to stay for a month. That was an eye-opener for them and we had quite a few arguments about the fact I disappeared behind a closed door all day when they thought we’d have lots of time together. In the first week, they kept inviting friends and relatives round for coffees and would walk straight into my office to tell me “auntie so-and-so is here. You need to come down to say hello otherwise you are being very rude”. After repeating over and over again that I was at work and they needed to act as if I was in the office and not at home, they finally got the message, although mum did keep barging in at 4.59pm to announce (I learned to hastily mute) that it was finishing up time. She still calls me at 5pm on the dot most days because I’ll be finished work and gets really huffy if I tell her that I need to tie some stuff up and will call back later.
Funnily though, this attitude completely changes at Christmastime. I’m lucky to work for an organisation that closes over Christmas and new year and we get roughly 10 days off – although it has to come out of our annual leave allowance. Every year, my parents huff and tut about how they never got time off for Christmas and young people (I’m 40!) don’t know they are born these days, and don’t know the meaning of hard work.