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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 24 too young to settle down with a baby

338 replies

Stressedout65 · 12/02/2022 21:32

I know it depends on each individual, how they feel & what they want from life, but would you say 24 is a bit young these days

OP posts:
jessyjo2 · 13/02/2022 01:21

It is young however if it happened it was meant to be. A baby to love is such a joy at any age.

youlearnsomethingneweveryday · 13/02/2022 02:09

I had my second at 24, 3 years ago. In a good position in life, mortgage, good job etc....I love my children but I do wish I explored a bit more and had more fun before I had them.

Second DD is autistic and life is tough right now. I think when planning for a baby you must also consider life if that baby has a disability. It's easy to 'romanticise' life with a new born, when in reality it can be really tough.

EeeICouldRipATissue · 13/02/2022 02:22

If you were in your teens, I'd say far too young. Mid 20s though?!
No, you're adults.
I was pregnant at 25. Own house, husband, and job.
Fuck off with too young bollocks, sorry

EeeICouldRipATissue · 13/02/2022 02:25

35cherish123

Yes. Brain (frontal cortex) isn't fully developed at this age
So what, you're saying is you're still a child at this age even in your 20s and an adult?

WorstXmasEver · 13/02/2022 02:36

Partner was 23 & no regrets. It's the right age IMO.

Original poster
Stressedout65 · 13/02/2022 02:43

@EeeICouldRipATissue there's no need to be so rude & aggressive 🙄🙄

OP posts:
MangyInseam · 13/02/2022 03:27

Of course it's not too young. Biologically early 20s is probably the best time to have a child or at least a first child.

One of the advantages of having children younger is that it gives an unbroken period later to do whatever else you would like - training, work. And sometimes you have a much better idea what would suit you than you did when you were in your late teens and early 20s.

summertime94 · 13/02/2022 05:25

Too young for me! Would rather travel and get further along in my career first

Averydifferentwoman · 13/02/2022 05:45

Out of interest, is everyone responding with ‘travel’ suggesting that full time work is a luxury one should only undertake aged 26 plus?

It’s a bit baffling. I can sort of see that maybe a year after or before university might work, but most full time jobs don’t let you travel at will and without a FT job, how do you fund the travel? 🤔

I mean, in other words some of these posts are very idealised upper middle class responses, aren’t they? Where you go to university and graduate and then mum and dad fund another few years exploring South America or Australia or wherever, possibly with a bit of temping in London or similar to convince oneself that actually you do have life experience?

That’s not really the reality for most people. I didn’t have my first baby until 40 so no dog in this race but I didn’t spend my twenties travelling either, because you know, I was at work!

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 05:48

Pretty sure that the majority of people who had a baby at 24 will say no, and most people who waited until they were older will say yes!
There's not really one answer to this. It all depends on the individual!

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 05:50

@EeeICouldRipATissue

35cherish123

Yes. Brain (frontal cortex) isn't fully developed at this age
So what, you're saying is you're still a child at this age even in your 20s and an adult?

No, they're saying the frontal cortex isn't fully developed. Why are you making a straw man argument for a simple statement they made?!!
lololololollll · 13/02/2022 05:58

Honestly don't think opinions on here matter when you'll get people saying pros and cons for doing it early and not. It's actually funny reading everyone's point of views which all contradict each other but obviously their view is correct Grin

veevee04 · 13/02/2022 06:00

You can travel with a baby you know it's only school age where it becomes a lot harder. I took DD to Australia when she was 1. I was backpacking in China when I was pregnant with DD at 20. I don't regret it really becoming a mum was the best thing for me the only thing I regret is not having two babies closer together I'm going to TTC number 2 when I'm 30 which will be a massive age gap.

Slippedonthebeans · 13/02/2022 06:11

I had my first at 23, no regrets here but it definitely is quite young still. I had already done a bit of travelling, wasn't much of a party girl, had a good job etc. Got married at 25 and had my 2nd child at 27. Both my children are autistic and, with DH being the higher earner, I ended up giving up my job to look after them. It's been tough going and obviously not something you really contemplate when you get pregnant. But life changes and priorities change and I'm still as happy as I was at 23. Now 30 and pregnant with our 3rd and final child.

Seb342 · 13/02/2022 06:23

I had my Ds when I was 17. Fast forward 22 years and my mortgage is paid off, I've got a good job and now I'm ready to travel.

I look at all my friends still doing the school run and playing taxi to their kids and I'm glad I'm done with that.

There's no right answer for this question because everyone is different but personally I wouldn't have appreciated things like travelling when I was younger and now there's more places I want to visit because I've got a bit more knowledge about the world but everyone is different.

Ghostofchristmaspasty · 13/02/2022 06:26

Everyone is different but my life would have been much harder having a baby at 24. I had my first baby aged 31.

My twenties were my travelling, carefree and career focused years. It allowed me to have fun, take risks career wise and earn lots of overtime to help buy my own house. Me and DH were both in stable professional jobs which put me in the position to work PT and have a comfortable life not scrimping and saving. It took us both a decade after graduating university to get to that and most people I know it took similar. I would not have been able to afford a baby at 24- even if I had wanted one.

Ghostofchristmaspasty · 13/02/2022 06:37

@Averydifferentwoman I worked abroad which I count as travel. Lots of people I know worked for a few years then took year long career breaks with the savings.

I agreed there are many funded by the bank of mum and dad though.

Travelling with kids or when older would be quite different to me. I'm still hoping I get the opportunity when the kids are older/grown.

Ghostofchristmaspasty · 13/02/2022 06:52

My friend had a baby at 23 and that was right for her. She lived in the home town, owned a house, stable job. She had local grandparents willing and able to help out, providing ft free childcare. siblings locally who had kids. She has never wanted to live anywhere other than her home town, or wanted to travel. It wouldn't be for me but I can see why she chose that path and had she waited until she was older, the grandparents may not have able to offer that help.

Maneandfeathers · 13/02/2022 06:54

I had DS1 at 24. I was in no way too young. I had lots of friends who also had babies at that age, the vast majority of the school mums are the same age give or take a few years too so it can’t be that uncommon.

I loved it. It means I had DC2 under 30 also. I’m now watching some friends in their 30s struggling to conceive and I’m pleased I made the decision to just go for it.

I had my own house, career with stable job and had been with DH 7 years by this point Grin

Shinydiscoballs1 · 13/02/2022 06:59

Yes I would not advise this for my children, I did and 10 years on I was bored out my tits and wondering what else life had to offer. Envy the friends who are just choosing to settle down mid 30s as I thi k you would be more sure of your partner by then.
One good thing is I've got 3 school age kids now when alot of my friends are just starting families

Camomila · 13/02/2022 07:07

It would have been too young for me as I was still studying then, but I don't think it is too young for everyone.

Coffeeholix · 13/02/2022 07:08

I was 24, looking back I didn’t know as much about the world or was as mature as I thought at the time. I was the first among my friends too, but took the responsibility seriously of course. My DC’s are now late teens and I’m just getting my own time back, whereas a lot of my friends are still dealing with toddlers, so swings and roundabouts.

Jobseeker19 · 13/02/2022 07:11

I had 3 children by that age and now im glad for it.

I'm still young and my children are independent. My sisters have just had babies and I don't want to go back to that time and I thibk about how there 30s are going to be spent.

I can relate to my children a lot and now they are bigger we travel to different places together.

I love the fact that my mum was in her 40s when I had them and was very helpful and even now she is a young nan and we all go out on adventures together.

Also I'd love to think that by the time I'm in my 40s I will have adult children and still be young myself.

ontana · 13/02/2022 07:29

Is fine. I got married at 24 and had my first dc at 27. By the time I'm 40 my dc will be 13 and 11. I do look friends struggling to ttc in their late 30s or struggling with sleep deprivation of babies in their early 40s and feel for them. I feel grateful I was able to have my dcs the age I did.

Like others have said, the idea that getting drunk and sleeping around etc is a universal and compulsory "fun" rite of passage for people in their early twenties just doesn't apply to everyone. On the contrary I have friends who deeply regret doing that. I was mocked for being sensible and did have moments of FOMO about it but now I realise it just wasn't me and wasn't something I was interested in.

I continued to work ft after having dc and now have a senior role and my career progression has been good I'd say.

Mol1628 · 13/02/2022 07:31

I did and wouldn’t recommend it. But agree that it is nice that I’m early 30s and getting myself back a bit now.
I had a job, not a career, that I had to give up due to childcare issues. Luckily my husband had a good job so we could afford it. But my life is ruined now.
Children are happy and loved though and mostly we get by ok.