What is your biggest regret in life?

[Teadrinker11]

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

I wish I had messed around a bit more when I was young enough and fit enough to enjoy it properly. I went straight from school into university, then straight into a job, then marriage, mortgage and kids. I don't regret doing any of those things, I just wish I'd done them all 5 years later.

@GeodesicDome

Not staying overseas. I was homesick for England. What a dope.

Can relate

The way I treated my ex. He was an absolute diamond and I regret it, I wish he was the father to my daughters rather than who they have as a father..

@Bumpy23

None. It happened the way happened, it couldn't of happened any other way because it didn't. Some things are hard, but it makes us who we are.

So very true. It's wasted energy to regret. Take where you are now and look forward.

Mine are mostly the things I didn't do, in that I've rarely directed my life properly but pretty much drifted even though I've hated most of my employment/ life situation, I suppose on the basis that it's not actually killing me so don't rock the boat (my upbringing has a huge amount to do with this). Result being I've spent much of my 40s clinically depressed.

A couple of 'Sliding Doors ' situations come to mind. One was when I was about to take University finals, I think it was fear of an unknown future as much as anything...anyway, I started feeling like "I could just walk out in front of that car...." whenever I was out. Obviously it would have been a shitty thing to do to the driver; but it would at least have forced acknledment of my MH issues (assuming I survived) rather than a half-life then spiralling 17 years later.

The other was at the start of my disenchantment with work/ the civil service. My 2 superiors- who both had a downer on me- were bickering noisily nearby. I had a mental image of quietly shutting down my computer...and picking up a few precious possessions....
...and walking home...
...putting things in order, then packing a rucksack (was a fairly seasoned backpacker).....
....and walking...
...and getting to the top of the North Downs, where I'd wave back to London before continuing to walk (I'd given up on the idea of an extensive trip round the Mediterranean 5 years earlier to join the civil service, and the yearning never left.)..

I wish I'd done it. I was 30, no financial or other commitments. Sure, it might have fucked my employability for a while; but other people have done far worse and bounced back a short time later.

@pinkstripeycat

Marrying DH. He’s ok now but I don’t know why I picked him. I never felt the passion for him that I’d felt for other boyfriends. I think at 28yrs old I thought time was running out. I now realise at 48yrs old I had years. Only having 2 DC, would have liked more but DH wasn’t supportive and I brought them up mostly alone. Not starting my current career sooner

Exactly this but I was 29. But we appear to have had the same life pink

Not buying a house when I moved out and getting stuck in renting. Not pushing for a solution to my endometriosis sooner. Not giving up alcohol sooner.

Being naive at 16 not to understand that my dad was dying of cancer. I haven't visited him in hospital and death was a total shock. Then 5 years later same thing happened to my mum, I was living abroad and didn't realise (wasn't told either) how bad things were.

Also not getting a degree straight after school. I'm now studying in Open Uni at 36.

@Electricmouse

Not doing anything with my Master's Degree. I'm 40 now and it feels too late.

Me too

@stripeyflowers

Not having loving, supportive parents.

Yes. Absolutely true for me too. It does for you.

Dumping my first ever boyfriend. We then both married other people (unhappily) and were apart for 14 years, each thinking the other was happy. 12 years ago, we’d both divorced and we got back together and are now married 💕 I still feel so sad that we’ll never have a child together though due to him having had the snip, our ages and my medical condition (on essential meds that can cause foetal abnormalities)

Being a friend to my son and not a parent.

Some of these posts are just heartbreaking to read.

I felt like a complete fuck up in my early 30s. I was broke, in serious debt, just out of very toxic 11 year relationship, decent enough job - but very unhappy in it, and my dad had just died; I honestly just didn’t see the point. Made so many mistakes. But I made them with the best information and intentions I had at the time.

A stranger said something really nice to me one day, and for some reason it changed my outlook. Then some good stuff started to happen and more good stuff happened. I’m happy with my lot today - so although many regrets, I would do it all again to be where I am now. I would love that person to know what a difference their simple, but kind gesture made.

It sounds really crap and twee but I find a lot of comfort in growing stuff and being kind to animals, if I’m feeling down about anything - when I feel out of control with the big stuff, at least I can make a difference to other wee lives.

I should have bought the house in Putney for £80k in 1994. Its worth squilkions now .

@Whatthechicken

Some of these posts are just heartbreaking to read.

I felt like a complete fuck up in my early 30s. I was broke, in serious debt, just out of very toxic 11 year relationship, decent enough job - but very unhappy in it, and my dad had just died; I honestly just didn’t see the point. Made so many mistakes. But I made them with the best information and intentions I had at the time.

A stranger said something really nice to me one day, and for some reason it changed my outlook. Then some good stuff started to happen and more good stuff happened. I’m happy with my lot today - so although many regrets, I would do it all again to be where I am now. I would love that person to know what a difference their simple, but kind gesture made.

It sounds really crap and twee but I find a lot of comfort in growing stuff and being kind to animals, if I’m feeling down about anything - when I feel out of control with the big stuff, at least I can make a difference to other wee lives.

How lovely. Brought a tear to my eye. I really think it’s important to focus on what you can do not on the bigger picture sometimes.

@Whatthechicken - lovely!

Strangers DO say the nicest things. I've had some of my best conversations at bus stops.. :-)

Spending money on the wedding day instead of the holiday/honeymoon of a lifetime.

Not punching my school bully in the face repeatedly the first time she said something awful. Would have saved myself a lot of tears.

A lot of these posts are about men. I think that's very illuminating.

Not leaving my ex DP when he forced me to get an abortion and then spent the next 5 years being disrespected and never accepted.

I got DS out of it but I also got a deep trauma bond and nearly lost my life due to a breakdown.

Christmas 2020 - I shouldn’t have abided by the lockdown rules. We lost my MIL to Covid at just 58 in March 2020 & were so cautious when seeing my parents for fear of losing them too.

I bought private Covid tests for myself & all my staff (before testing was widely available) so that we could safely go to see family for Christmas. Boris then announced the change in rules for Christmas which meant that we couldn’t go to London & see my parents. Stupidly, we followed the rules & cancelled our trip, despite being so bitterly disappointed. Clearly nobody else in Government did the same.

My wonderful Dad died weeks later from a sudden & catastrophic aortic dissection. I should have been there for Christmas & can’t forgive myself.

Look how much everyone has learnt in life
We live and learn
A toast to you all
🥂

@PollyDarton1
Sorry to hear that. I’m going through a breakdown to felt like commuting suicide about a month ago after an abortion . Worst decision of my life and I’ll never get over it. Your not alone x

I am probably the most outwardly feminine woman you could meet, but I pretty much think like a man in some ways.
I wish I didn't crumble under the pressure my ex husband put on me to marry him. We were together for years and he cheated on me. I trusted him far too much. And I regret that.
I love my children so, so much. However in another life, I wouldn't marry or have children again.
I love being on my own. When my children are at ex husband's every second weekend, I wake up with a smile on my face. Being alone feels like how it was supposed to be for me. When the children leave home, I will live in a small, cosy and immaculately clean and tidy place. I will not even have pets, as I do now.
If there was ever a song line written for me, it's 'responsibility to me is a tragedy'.

[quote Lonleygal]@PollyDarton1
Sorry to hear that. I’m going through a breakdown to felt like commuting suicide about a month ago after an abortion . Worst decision of my life and I’ll never get over it. Your not alone x [/quote]
I'm so sorry you've gone through it too. Sending you love

Opting out of a very good workplace pension scheme because I didn’t think I’d be there long. Start thinking about a pension early.

Also not being brave enough to learn to drive while I was young. Anxiety has always stopped me and I don’t think I can now.