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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What is your biggest regret in life?

856 replies

Teadrinker11 · 12/02/2022 21:19

At 26, I know I'm still at an age where I'm somewhat young enough to make good decisions to prevent more regret in the future, but I still do regret a lot. I've wasted so much money on things I didn't need, I neglected my health for so long, it's taken me to 26 to somewhat have my life together. I'm studying law and love it, but hate how I spent so much time after school messing around wasting my life. I didn't go to college straight after school like so many of my classmates did and I still pine over the years I lost, when people in their early 20s are having the time of their lives. What is your biggest regret?

OP posts:

PatchworkElmer · 01/04/2022 06:40

Making the wrong career choice when I left university.

Electricmouse · 01/04/2022 06:44

Not doing anything with my Master's Degree. I'm 40 now and it feels too late.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/04/2022 06:53

Wishing I'd walked away from my parents 40 years ago instead of hoping they would turn into decent people. Should have walked away and had proper therapy then instead of giving them so much head space. You keep hoping, parents should build you up not utterly destroy you.

Yants · 01/04/2022 07:05

Not getting a job in the public sector.

Not stretching myself a bit more when buying my first house, but instead doing the sensible thing and starting at the bottom of the ladder even though I could have afforded something nicer at the time... due to rampant HPI I soon became priced out of ever being able to step up the fabled "property ladder" and 20 years later I'm still firmly stuck on the very bottom rung.

LunaTheCat · 01/04/2022 07:16

@Miserablelife

I regret the majority of decisions I have made as at 42 I have a miserable, joyless existence and I just hate every aspect. Escalating health problems I m too scared to get looked at, mental and physical, no friends, no family that care, a horrible toxic ‘relationship’.and a job I despise. We live in a nasty damp scruffy house, that makes me cry every day with no savings, no pension and I have no hope of turning it around at my age. My DC are the only decision I don’t regret but they would have been better born to someone else. I wish I d made better relationship, career and financial choices in my earlier life and I will do all I can to make sure my kids do.

Oh lovely I am so sorry you feel like this. I am sure that the people around you do not feel like this about you. You are only 42 life still can change a lot. 💐

OMG12 · 01/04/2022 08:30

I don’t have regrets. But there are a number of decisions I would probably have made differently if I’d known them what I know now!

I wouldn’t have studied law, I hate all of the limited careers which flow from it (and also the amount of work curtailed my social life at university.

Putting on lots of weight/not maintaining fitness

Not finding my tribe sooner because i didn’t want to be myself

PavlovsDoggie · 01/04/2022 08:37

This thread makes for interesting, and mostly sad reading. I liked the comment from a poster who said there is no trial run, that is it!

I really have a lot going for me in my life, I really really do, but I'm not happy, and my biggest regret is my marriage.

I was good in school, good career, but being raped in Uni (stranger) had a huge impact on me. I successfully finished studies, great job, and then met a kind thoughtful man, married, kids and lots of good things.

But there is not a connection there. Silly examples, he's more interested in going to watch sport with friends than spending time with me, non same interests, he's not into sex (that should have been a RED flag for me), generally disorganized and untidy, etc.

It's my bad decision, I wish I was smarter younger.

stripeyflowers · 01/04/2022 08:48

Not having loving, supportive parents.

Aisforharlot · 01/04/2022 09:09

Having kids.

AlabamaSong · 01/04/2022 09:11

I read an article a few months ago expressing that happiness is not the norm, and we should not feel entitled to it. I'd consider myself very lucky in that I don't have significant health issues, kids are OK, a good job and financial situation ... any of the items listed there would have a massive negative impact on my life. But I have somewhat limited control over them, something bad might happen to my health, kids, job and there might be nothing I could do.

Like a few of the other posters, my regret was marrying the wrong person. Then the 2nd regret was not doing something about it when I realized it was wrong. Some of my friends and DSis has really good compatible relationship, I'm so so happy for them (and jealous too!)

Firesidefox · 01/04/2022 09:12

I don't really have any. I don't think regrets are helpful.

Anthurium · 01/04/2022 09:15

Not studying for a professional degree when I had the aptitude to do so, and not fully realising how limited my career choices would be with an Arts degree.

Wasting too much time in wrong relationships with unsuitable men which almost cost me my chance to be a parent (I did go on to have a child very recently via IVF and a sperm donor), but it could have been much simpler if I'd only been more sensible when younger and choosing my romantic partner more wisely. It looks very unlikely to that I'll have more children as I'm pushing 41.

AnastasiaRomanov · 01/04/2022 09:35

@Bahhhhhumbug

Marrying again and once again living a life of being constantly a bag of nerves, trying to keep the peace, but it seems everything l do is criticised. Why can't l spot abusers a mile off.. I am just destined to live like this it seems as l am late fifties now in a home where lm shouted at, called names and criticised constantly. Everything from the way l drive the way l stack the dishes, even the position l leave the shower head in. Tonight's rant was the way l say goodnight to my dog, it's pathetic apparently, it's a fucking dog not a person. I told him lm not being bullied into stopping saying goodnight to my dog and he's gone to bed in a strop now angry cos l called him a bully. I would stay single and have ten dogs if l had my life again

For the love of God. Please leave this man!

treasure47 · 01/04/2022 09:45

Interesting reading a few replies from people who regret their marriage to a good person who just isn't right for them. I feel like I'm in that situation now where I have a young DS and I'm not sure it's right anymore. I've had small doubts about our compatibility throughout really but always had something else to distract myself with I think (buying a house, getting married, having a child). I have this fear that if I don't leave soon I'll be stuck but I also have a huge fear that I'd regret leaving and taking away that stability from DS.

Around 4 years into our relationship (we've been together for 15 years since teens, only partner I've ever had), I went through a stage of wanting to split up with him because I just wanted to experience life being single but I couldn't do it to him so I stayed with him and that feeling just sort of went away. I had pretty low self esteem too so I convinced myself I'd be single forever if I left him. Sometimes I regret that decision and wonder what my life would have been like now if I had done it. But ultimately I don't regret it really because of what I have now (DS, who has changed me and my life in so many good ways).
I think I'm the kind of person that wouldn't necessarily choose to regret a decision but sometimes I find it hard to know my own mind and what I really want deep down.

madmomma · 01/04/2022 09:48

I regret not spending more time with my grandparents while they were alive.

SockFluffInTheBath · 01/04/2022 09:53

@Bahhhhhumbug please listen to the PP:
For the love of God. Please leave this man!

nickelanddime · 01/04/2022 09:56

Getting brainwashed into thinking I had to get married and have kids.

Flyingteaspoon · 01/04/2022 10:38

Getting brainwashed into thinking I had to get married and have kids.

Religiously and culturally this was expected of me. My education wasn’t viewed as important and my DBs had tutors but not me who struggled far more at school then they did academically. I didn’t even think I had a choice other than saying yes when my H proposed and didn’t even talk about starting a family. We just started one! Looking back I can hardly believe the lack of agency I felt I had.

cass5 · 01/04/2022 10:57

@Miserablelife

I wish you could find someone to coach you out of that place, step by step. Your children have you as a mother and I am sure they wouldn't want anyone else, and everything can be improved, so much depends on one's attitude. Think of one small thing you can change each day. You say your is awful, any place can be made nicer. Take one hour or half hour everyday to sort one area - a cupboard, a shelf, declutter and put some nice things on it - a jar with some wild flowers, for instance. Clean and arrange one space so that you feel happy in there. Then start taking care of yourself, exercise is a wonderful way of starting to feel appreciative one one's body. You say you have some health issues, so see what type of physical exercise you can do - a brisk walk everyday to start? Then have a nice shower ritual for yoursel after it. Declutter your wardrobe and organise your things in a way that gives you pleasure to look at. Commit to have one activity with your children everyday that makes you laugh, this can be just 15 minutes but something that you all enjoy. Then start thinking more broadly about your job, what skills can you develop, and what can you do make yourself more financially independent. Keeping a journal with daily habit tracker might work for you, why don't you give it a try? List some things you could do everyday to feel happier - having a nice smoothie, driking water, exercising, and track your mood. You are in your early 40s but you are thinking of yourself as in your early 80s, there is so much that can still be changed. If you feel yourself feeling down and without any sense of hope for a long time it might be useful to ask your GP to run some blood tests as it might also be something hormonal. Do not give up on yourself and on life, there is only one for us to live and each day we can make something to make it worth!

cass5 · 01/04/2022 11:04

@Bahhhhhumbug

Can you leave? What is keeping you with him, is it financial? Can you get help from your family? Get yourself and your dog out of there or, if you can, kick him out. I believe you will be so relieve and happier after that, if things are as you describe being alone is much better and will motivate you to develop other much more rewarding relationships.

BoredZelda · 01/04/2022 11:35

Waiting too long to have my daughter and not having more.

Flyingteaspoon · 01/04/2022 11:48

Bahhhumbug. My regret, as I said was not knowing about MN when I was in a horrible, abusive marriage, because I’ve seen lots of thread that have supported and helped women in similar situations to leave . At the time I was convinced I couldn’t leave. Is there anything we can do to help?

Apatosaurus20 · 01/04/2022 11:59

@Blossomtoes
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Sending you love. I wish I could give you a hug.

Apatosaurus20 · 01/04/2022 12:04

@amatsip if you gave him a good life please don’t see this as a regret ❤️ ❤️

Apatosaurus20 · 01/04/2022 12:08

@Scotland32 I’m so pleased you added this, I’m the same as you and am feeling a bit panicked at seeing regrets of others in the same position

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