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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this isn't 'pretentious'

332 replies

blameitontheweatherwoman · 12/02/2022 18:28

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

OP posts:
RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 12/02/2022 19:31

Well, yes, it clearly is pretentious - to anyone with a massive chip on their shoulder! To anyone else, it’s not.

Out of interest, was he with you and her when you made the comment, or did she report it back to him?

DrSeuss · 12/02/2022 19:31

As a SEN teacher who works with a number of teens in Care and a lot more who have intervention from social workers, I don't see how ANYONE could think that was pretentious! The kids I work with are lovely but God they are hard work!

Maybe your brother would like to spend a few days with our team?

Pamlar · 12/02/2022 19:32

Asking her if she wanted to read your thesis =pretentious
Your brother is a twat.

Ginandtonics · 12/02/2022 19:35

I have a brother like that. Hardly seen him over the last 20 years as I always get comments like that. He's not been to uni and thinks everything I say is because I have and therefore likes to find an opportunity to tell me I'm pretentious, snide, contemptuous etc... I ignored it for years until it escalated to liar and thief. Whatever I do is wrong. He starts by saying ' it's time somebody told you this...' and launches into a character assassination. I have two psych degrees and all sorts of post grad stuff that I only mention if someone askes me directly. It just rattles his cage. It's his issue not mine. I suspect you are in a similar position although you are still talking with your brother.

haismfh · 12/02/2022 19:36

It’s social work, not maths at Oxford. He needs to get a grip

Yeah he's a twat and he needs to grip.
But even if it was Maths at Oxford, so fucking what. It's still not pretentious.
What are you studying? Maths
Which university? Oxford
Statement of fact.

What are you studying? A masters in social work
Not pretentious. Statement of fact.

What are you studying? A masters in social work. I really don't feel an undergraduate degree is sufficient. Other social work graduates have no deeper understanding of the wider issues. That's why I decided it was important to study a masters.
That would have been pretentious.

Your brother sounds like a twat. And I wouldn't dignify it with an answer of any kind.

WonderfulYou · 12/02/2022 19:37

His girlfriend sounds charming if she felt the need to report back to him.

It depends.
She could have just brought it up in conversation and it’s just the brother who has an issue with it.

Pleasebeafleabite · 12/02/2022 19:38

“What are you doing at uni?”

“Social work”

Why did you need to emphasise the masters? No one else GAF truly. Other than You Really Do.

imsanehonest · 12/02/2022 19:38

If someone asks you what you are doing at uni and you are doing at masters at uni, then surely the answer is "I'm doing a masters in..."

I'd be shoe-horning it into every conversation if I was doing one! Your brother sounds a plonker.

Canaloha · 12/02/2022 19:39

@Pleasebeafleabite

“What are you doing at uni?”

“Social work”

Why did you need to emphasise the masters? No one else GAF truly. Other than You Really Do.

Why not though, OP is doing a masters in social work so why is saying that an issue? Why should women minimise themselves in case others might feel whatever
Bethany7 · 12/02/2022 19:40

Not at all pretentious. You answered the question! What else were you meant to say! I'm studying for a degree in social work? You aren't... you've obviously done that and are still at uni/back to uni and you are doing a masters so that's what's your answer is! Either she or your brother or both are being very insecure and very silly. And on a side note, good, you absolutely should be proud.
Try not to worry at all!

SoftSheen · 12/02/2022 19:41

Not pretentious at all! Some people are ridiculous.

Pleasebeafleabite But she was asked the question! She didn't walk in and announce it for no reason.

Ohyesiam · 12/02/2022 19:41

Really don’t be wary about how you present it. This is totally good problem and nothing else. It’s simply about picking fault with you.
You were being factual

giveyou2reasons · 12/02/2022 19:41

Even if he thought it sounded pretentious, he should have kept it to himself. It's only his opinion, whereas what you said was a factual statement of a plain truth. He's very rude to tell someone they're pretentious! His insecurities are his problem, not yours.

FinallyHere · 12/02/2022 19:43

I haven't replied as of yet. I told my mum who was a bit actually she was very .

I'd probably reply thanking him for sharing his thoughts.

Jealousy. Such an ugly emotion. So yeah, probably even better to not reply.

Applebrewsterstea · 12/02/2022 19:43

As many have said, don’t reply, leave him hanging.

You are doing a masters, it’s a fact, it’s not pretentious. Well done you!

MRS54321 · 12/02/2022 19:44

Sounds like HIS hang up,not yours.
Totally fine to answer honestly!? She asked!
My BFF is doing a post grad and I tell her all the time I’m proud of her.

Although, my DH and DMIL are a bit like that. They see anything like “taking a compliment “ etc as thinking your brilliant and full of yourself ( which I don’t understand,tbh)
I just say “thanks/cheers” when complimented and wouldn’t think tow was about telling someone where I was educated or worked.
So strange

CouldIhaveaword · 12/02/2022 19:44

I'm doing a post graduate qualification in issues concerning individuals, families, groups, communities, and society as a whole in an effort to meet basic needs and enhance social functioning, self-determination, collective responsibility, optimal health, and overall well-being.

That sounds pretentious.

FWIW, I think postgraduate qualification sounds more pretentious than a masters. It could imply a PhD.

ConasAtaTu1 · 12/02/2022 19:44

@Pleasebeafleabite

“What are you doing at uni?”

“Social work”

Why did you need to emphasise the masters? No one else GAF truly. Other than You Really Do.

You definitely GAF - what a bitter chip on your shoulder @Pleasebeafleabite she is doing a masters, she is studying social work. She’s not doing social work. 🙄
NutellaEllaElla · 12/02/2022 19:44

@MrsLargeEmbodied

i should say Are you sure Pretentious is the word you are looking for ? Wink Grin
This. Go all in. You're allowed to be pretentious if you want you know. Fuck him.
MRS54321 · 12/02/2022 19:45

*twice, not tow

thenewduchessoflapland · 12/02/2022 19:45

Is he one of those people who feel your parents would hold you in higher regard than him because you have a degree?;is he generally a jealous twat?

Just ignore him.Maybe his girlfriend made a comment about you going to university and him not having a degree and he felt emasculated.

NutellaEllaElla · 12/02/2022 19:46

By the way, I did a degree that people mistake for a phd. It's not and I feel the need to correct them. That's probably pretentious but I don't care. I like to be accurate.

DillDanding · 12/02/2022 19:47

Of course it's not.

Your brother is projecting his feelings of inadequacy.

MorganSeventh · 12/02/2022 19:48

Not only is he insecure, he doesn't know what pretentious means.

If you were studying for an A-level in social work (I don't know if they exist, but for the sake of argument) and said you were doing a Masters in social work, that would be pretentious because you would be pretending to be studying at a higher level than you actually were. But telling his girlfriend you're doing a Masters when you are in fact doing a Masters, isn't pretentious: it's a statement of fact.

If you really wanted to get his goat you could tell him you didn't want to be pretentious and say you were doing a postgrad because that might suggest you were doing a PhD (postgrad researcher often used as a synonym for PhD student in academia). That would also nicely underline that he doesn't actually know what he's talking about. However, I suspect that would be the nuclear option and if he's a prickly character then it's probably safest just to ignore him.

Well done on your Masters. I hope it's going well for you.

Crayzeefrog · 12/02/2022 19:48

Ridiculous. I would add the girl on Fb and message her something like ‘DB informs me I came across as pretentious when we met. I do apologise, and will try not to repeat it’ and hope she ruuuunnnns for the hills