Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't 'pretentious'

332 replies

blameitontheweatherwoman · 12/02/2022 18:28

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

OP posts:
Lady0racle · 12/02/2022 18:55

‘Pretentious’ means attempting to impress by exaggerating your importance/ability. Which is clearly not the case here as all you did was answer factually. Your brother sounds like a dick and a bit thick to boot.

bluesugar · 12/02/2022 18:56

Not pretentious at all. You answered factually. And you should be very proud of yourself too...great achievement.

LaChanticleer · 12/02/2022 18:57

It’s his problem, not yours!

Onlyforcake · 12/02/2022 18:57

Definitely a factual response to a direct question. Your brother sounds an idiot.

pigsDOfly · 12/02/2022 18:57

But you're not 'doing social work' are you, you've 'done' social work and now you're doing the next level, a masters.

She asked you what you were doing at uni and you told her. How on earth is that being pretentious, you were stating a fact.

Don't be wary of telling people, be proud of what you've achieved. Your brother is being ridiculous.

Canaloha · 12/02/2022 18:58

Not pretentious at all! For starters you were directly asked what you did and didn't just keep randomly bringing it up in unrelated conversations, and what you said wasn't commenting on others ie I'm fabulous doing a great thing unlike you lot.

WonderfulYou · 12/02/2022 18:58

I'd think you were a bit pretentious emphasising the Masters to be honest, but that's because I know people who do so and are being pretentious.

It makes me sad that as women we still have to act dumb else people get offended.

I have a degree and a PGCE and I am incredibly proud. I am also starting a masters and hope to get my phd one day.
I will never hide this from anyone out of fear that others might be jealous.

The same as my family and friends should not be ashamed to say they’ve not been to uni, college, got GCSEs etc as they should be proud too.

GinAndTopic · 12/02/2022 19:00

If you study at uni and postgrad some terms and phrases are completely natural but may sound pretentious to those who haven't been, that's the only reason I can think why he said that. But no reason to be double guessing yourself all the time about what sounds natural to you but not to him.

Lightning020 · 12/02/2022 19:01

I have no problem with people telling me they are doing a masters. Then again I enjoy academic people's company.

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 19:02

@blameitontheweatherwoman

I just a wondered would it be less 'pretentious' to say, 'I'm doing a postgrad in social work'
Makes no difference AT ALL.
Queenkarm · 12/02/2022 19:03

His girlfriend sounds charming if she felt the need to report back to him. No it is not pretentious at all you hold your head up doing a masters is hard enough but with a dc and being a single parent is even harder work. Good luck with your studies and your future career

Saysaysaythree · 12/02/2022 19:04

This says more about your brother abs his girlfriend than it does about anything regarding you. You really don’t deserve that. I did a masters and told people when asked. Never had any feedback like this.

It’s a shame when you’re brother is such an insufferable dickhead. Don’t let it get under your skin. They should be embarrassed!

grapewine · 12/02/2022 19:04

It makes me sad that as women we still have to act dumb else people get offended.

Agree. I'm not about to go shouting going to shout about my education, but I'm also not going to minimising it - especially if asked directly.

marqueses · 12/02/2022 19:05

I'm on the fence, if it was me I think I'd just say the subject rather than the level but I'm not sure pretentious is the right word if you do want to include it

(Btw you mean wary not weary unless you've told so many people it's tired you out Grin )

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 19:07

Is he successful but not got a Masters? Is that the issue?

Justlovedogs · 12/02/2022 19:07

@driftcompatible

Not at all. You answered the question.

If someone is doing a PhD that's what they are doing.

If someone works for NASA that's where they work.

Etc.

If you strut in the door and say things like 'OH you have a hallway! There is a hallway in the uni I'm doing A MASTERS IN SOCIAL WORK IN' then that's different.

If someone asks what you do and you answer the goddamn question then that's fine. That's what you do.

This. You answered a direct question with a factual answer.
DePfeffoff · 12/02/2022 19:07

Just tell him that you gave a truthful answer to a question and to get over himself.

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 19:08

I doubt this is the gf's problem, it's a very man-shaped problem.

KimikosNightmare · 12/02/2022 19:09

@blameitontheweatherwoman

I just a wondered would it be less 'pretentious' to say, 'I'm doing a postgrad in social work'
Considerably less so. And yes I do have a degree and post grad qualifications.

(Also always mildly amused at people who emphasise they are doing/ have a "Master's degree" as at least one of the ancient Scottish universities awards a Master's degree as a first degree)

Bosephine · 12/02/2022 19:10

Not remotely pretentious and even if it were, it’s not his job to police how you present yourself.

Is it possible that he’s trying to tell you that the gf felt a bit over-awed?

ConasAtaTu1 · 12/02/2022 19:10

@marqueses

I'm on the fence, if it was me I think I'd just say the subject rather than the level but I'm not sure pretentious is the right word if you do want to include it

(Btw you mean wary not weary unless you've told so many people it's tired you out Grin )

If someone asked me what I was studying I’d say social work but the girlfriend asked what @blameitontheweatherwoman was doing and what she is doing is a masters.

So your example is incorrect to answer I’m doing social work - you can’t ‘do’ social work in uni. You can study it but you’re either doing an undergrad/ masters or PhD

YetAnotherUsernameToday · 12/02/2022 19:11

@ComDummings

Your brother is a dick
Your brother has a small dick 😂
5128gap · 12/02/2022 19:14

Not in the least. It's actually worse if you downplayed it, as that's like saying you have to avoid making the less educated people feel intimidated, which would be incredibly patronising.

Tulips21 · 12/02/2022 19:15

@BillMasheen

I’d be tempted to txt back

‘Tell me you haven’t been to university without telling me you haven’t been to university‘

But I’m an arsehole, so maybe don’t do that.

Ha, I'd do the same as above!

I have the same relationship with my brother too- he is also a dick!

Well done on your masters.x

user1497787065 · 12/02/2022 19:15

I don't consider it to be pretentious but out of interest what does your brother's girlfriend do?