Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't 'pretentious'

332 replies

blameitontheweatherwoman · 12/02/2022 18:28

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 13/02/2022 23:26

Ridiculous. There's nothing pretentious about that at all! You were asked a question and you answered it. It would have been more weird to conceal that it was a masters!

Wearethechampionsmyfriend · 13/02/2022 23:28

Its fine to say say it as you did, he's a jealous knob.

StScholastica · 13/02/2022 23:31

I can see why you would fall out with him OP. He sounds difficult.

Peachtoiletpaper · 13/02/2022 23:39

She asked what you were studying, you told her the name of the course. What's the pretension meant to be here? He sounds hard work, I wouldn't even bother replying. I wonder if the GF has made some comment (probably innocuous) about you going to uni and him not.

Scarby9 · 13/02/2022 23:53

I was told I was being pretentious the other day. Work event.

'What's your title?'

'Oh, I don't need one. Just put me down as Scarby9'

'I need a title'

'I'm happy to leave that blank'.

'Shall I put Mrs?'

'No. I'm not a Mrs'.

'Miss, then'.

'No. why is my marital status or gender relevant here? Just leave it blank, please'.

'I need a title'.

'Ok, if you really have to have one, it's Dr. But I really would rather just be known as Scarby9 for this'.

'Dr? Oooo, get you! Pretentious'.

'Please leave it blank then!!!'

You didn't forcibly and boastfully announce that you were doing a masters. She asked, and you answered factually. YANBU at all.

StormCattitude · 14/02/2022 00:22

OP you did nothing wrong, don't let your brother's picking at you get to you.
He sounds petty & if it wasn't this he'd had a go at you over, it'd be something else ie the problem is his, not yours. I wouldn't reply to a message like that. He's just trying to provoke. Silence is the best response.

Blossomtoes · 14/02/2022 00:27

Did you manage not to strangle them @Scarby9?

Momijin · 14/02/2022 00:30

Nope (but it should be wary not weary)

crowisland · 14/02/2022 00:31

Pigs do fly: most people who do a masters in soc.work have NOT done it as an undergrad.
Also: re ‘postgrad’. A post grad is either a person OR an adjective as in a postgraduate degree/course

FantasticButtocks · 14/02/2022 00:39

Sorry if the term 'a masters in social work' is too fancy for you and you think it's 'pretentious', but really there's no simpler way to phrase the answer to the question 'what are you doing at uni?' Amazed you want to pick holes in my wording, but perhaps you don't realise that using your suggested alternative phrase 'post grad' might have been misleading and misunderstood. Lovely to meet whatsername, I liked her enormously.

Scarby9 · 14/02/2022 00:42

@Blossomtoes It was a close thing.

I had similar at a car showroom, of all places. What possible need is there for a title when showing interest in a car?

Blossomtoes · 14/02/2022 00:43

[quote Scarby9]@Blossomtoes It was a close thing.

I had similar at a car showroom, of all places. What possible need is there for a title when showing interest in a car?[/quote]
Absolutely none. I must confess that I do envy you with Dr to pull out of your back pocket!

KimikosNightmare · 14/02/2022 00:50

[quote Susu49]@roastedsaltedpeanut um...no.

You are an undergraduate when completing a bachelors degree, from which you graduate and are hence forth a postgraduate if you continue to study at a higher institution level.

A masters degree is not an undergrad degree.[/quote]
Pedantic, but it actually is in certain Scottish universities.

Harmonypuss · 14/02/2022 01:40

@GeorgiaLove

You can't be considered pedantic for having an opinion. Your opinion, however, can. Just saying, like

I don't see how my comment was pedantic.

When I was studying and someone asked what I was studying, I said 'Accountancy'.

I wasn't asked at what level and I didn't feel the need to say 'I'm currently on level xx'.

Had I been asked what level I'd have supplied the information but if not asked there's no need to tell.

Nothing pedantic about it whatsoever!

GeorgiaLove · 14/02/2022 06:56

@Harmonypuss

Oh dear . . .

RachaelN · 14/02/2022 07:15

Na. He is being a prat!

FantasticButtocks · 14/02/2022 08:12

@FantasticButtocks

Sorry if the term 'a masters in social work' is too fancy for you and you think it's 'pretentious', but really there's no simpler way to phrase the answer to the question 'what are you doing at uni?' Amazed you want to pick holes in my wording, but perhaps you don't realise that using your suggested alternative phrase 'post grad' might have been misleading and misunderstood. Lovely to meet whatsername, I liked her enormously.

Written late last night, so I didn't make clear that the above is my suggested response to your brother.

He needs to make you small so he feels big.

Diqgeneration · 14/02/2022 08:26

It’s literal. Can’t see what is wrong with that.

Bangolads · 14/02/2022 08:54

Dear god, well he’s toxic isn’t he. No you’re not pretentious for stating what your degree is. Have you responded? I’d either leave it or reply with a laughing emoji and say ‘don’t be ridiculous. I will continue to explain to any body who ask that my degree is a masters in social work, if they for some inexplicable reason have a problem with that then that would be their problem. Have a lovely day. ‘

Forsure69 · 14/02/2022 10:31

He sound envious of your achieve and now he has a side to join in!

I really don't understand why people can't boost about achievements, you work hard- be proud! Because he choose a different path don't make him any less of a person- he can still achievement. One way could be, not being a tw*t to my sister!

THEDEACON · 14/02/2022 13:59

He's an insecure pathetic person and sounds like his girlfriend is too All the best with your studies

Mollymoostoo · 14/02/2022 14:34

@blameitontheweatherwoman

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

My daughter's is doing her masters this year and I plan to apply for mine as well. Let's be ----pretentious proud of ourselves together ❤
SartresSoul · 14/02/2022 14:44

Your brother is a bit of an idiot, sounds like he’s jealous too. She asked what you were studying so you told her, nothing pretentious about it.

wentworthinmate · 14/02/2022 15:05

I couldn't give give two poops how you put it, if that's what you're doing then that's what you say. Be proud about it and don't let the 'D'B get you down. And best of luck in all you achieve.

bottleofbeer · 14/02/2022 17:46

The odd thing is for all I've said on this thread I have realised I do play my qualifications down. I tend to say I got a first by sheer luck and my master's was an easy one.

I suppose I don't want to appear to be blowing my own trumpet. Which is stupid because I don't think it makes me anything special. Yet if someone had asked what I was doing at the time, I'd have told them as nothing more than a factual piece of information.

People out there who do care work are way more impressive than anything I've ever done. It's a strange one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread