Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't 'pretentious'

332 replies

blameitontheweatherwoman · 12/02/2022 18:28

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 12/02/2022 19:48

Your chippie brother is a twat. Ignore.

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/02/2022 19:48

I would tell everyone (whether they asked or not) if I did a masters because I would be so proud.

RedToothBrush · 12/02/2022 19:49

He's massively insecure that you went to uni and he didn't.

He said it because he has a bad case of hurt male pride going on.

He's a dick. She's better off without him.

Pangolin44 · 12/02/2022 19:50

I don't think your brother (or indeed some people on this thread) understands what the word pretentious means.

Factually telling someone what you are doing is the antithesis of pretentious.

If I were I were I tech billionaire and someone asked me what I was doing and I said, 'I wrote an app that did people loved and just sold it to Google for 1.5 billion dollars, it's amazing!' That wouldn't be pretentious. It would be entirely factual.

If I said 'I've written an app that will change your world, it will actualise the desires of human progression and herald a new paradigm in understanding of what it actually means to exist and how we relate to our fellow beings. It's so fucking progressive and disruptive that Google paid me 1.5 bil for it' that would be pretentious as fuck.

Facts; not pretentious.

Mad hyperbole; pretentious.

Either way, your brother and possibly his girlfriend sound insecure. Which is very much not your problem.

blueshoes · 12/02/2022 19:51

OP, did he struggle academically? What is his education level?

A masters is such a normal non-event in my world.

Everydayimhuffling · 12/02/2022 19:51

My guess is his girlfriend said something vaguely positive like, "it's cool that your sister is doing a masters in social work", and that raised all his jealous little feelings. I wouldn't bother replying OP, especially if it's going to cause an issue. I doubt there's anything you can say that would help in this situation.

Pangolin44 · 12/02/2022 19:51

Not sure what happened at the beginning of post

Pangolin44 · 12/02/2022 19:53

Of my post!

Weirdly, the more wine I drink the fatter my fingers get...

NEUserNamesNotTakenJeez · 12/02/2022 19:57

It sounds like a 'them problem' more than a 'you problem'. Rise above it if you feel that's the best course. I had a similar situation with my sister and now with her partner, shit stirrers are always going to find something to cause trouble about. I don't have anything to do with them anymore but we all still attend family things for the sake of my children not missing out and for my mother who might only have a few years left, despite not wanting to be in the same room as the people who have caused this family rift. Honestly, just leave the issue at their door of that's what you're comfortable with or stand up for yourself knowing the possible outcome. Some people are just shitty people.

ShittyFingers · 12/02/2022 19:57

I would have just said Social work myself but then I’m a very private person and wouldn’t want to discuss it further than that.

BasiliskStare · 12/02/2022 19:57

My brother has done a Masters in a psychology related subject and it relates to social work. He is not being pretentious - he's worked hard - and he is not going to do the Phd - Doctorate not at the moment - but honestly if some asks you what you are doing & you answer correctly - I am doing a masters in X Y Z - I really don't see it is pretentious , it is a fact. If you swooped in and said look at me I am doing a masters - entirely different.

FlouncerSIT · 12/02/2022 19:58

Not pretentious, but sounds as if the fact you're educated doesn't fit the rest of his narrative or the way he's possibly presented you to his new girl if you're a single parent in a small flat. Mad guess here - is she also not all that academic?

And just a wild guess here, does he disapprove of helping the less fortunate, think it's all their own fault anyway, and worship morning, noon and night at the shrine of the Divine Maggie and her spiritual successors in that big house of his?!

You've got every right to be proud of yourself.

Not surprised you don't get on with him, he sounds utterly delightful. What's his line of work? I hope it doesn't require actually dealing with anyone with a bit of education in any meaningful way!

wishmyhousetidy · 12/02/2022 20:01

I wouldn’t waste your time over analysing what you should or should not have said as he would have criticised you whatever you had said . He was looking for a problem and it’s his problem, as what you said was absolutely fine,

Well done by the way on your studies.

FlouncerSIT · 12/02/2022 20:01

Ah, just seen what he does for a living. Good that he probably works mostly on his own, then. God forbid that his worldview might get a bit upset now and then by talking to people from other worlds... ;)

(As an aside, this is also one of the reasons I loathe dealing with some tradesmen; a few of the ones we've had to have in over the last few months have really had an issue with educated women, it's stuck out a mile, especially since I don't have a local accent and there's no bloke in sight in the household...)

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/02/2022 20:03

It is not at all pretentious and he sounds like a knob.

Fifilafrog · 12/02/2022 20:04

@Wannakisstheteacher

It’s social work, not maths at Oxford. He needs to get a grip.
Text him this! Perfect response!
godmum56 · 12/02/2022 20:04

YAN absolutely BU. You stated a fact.

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 20:04

@FlouncerSIT

What does he do?

Aimee1987 · 12/02/2022 20:04

It's a factual statement of what your doing. Ridiculous statement

5keletor · 12/02/2022 20:05

I don't think it's pretentious, it's very common to have a Masters these days, not something out of the ordinary. I wouldn't worry about it!

DuesToTheDirt · 12/02/2022 20:07

Your brother is a nitwit.

FlasherMcGruff · 12/02/2022 20:08

Sounds like he’s insecure about you having a better education than him. You are quite literally doing a masters in social work at university, so why would you not say that to someone who asks? YANBU. He’s being absolutely ridiculous and trying to make you feel uncomfortable for no reason at all.

SeenYourArse · 12/02/2022 20:09

Also do you really mean weary or wary???

Rodion · 12/02/2022 20:10

Even if it did sound pretentious somehow, who goes around telling off their family members like that? It's really mean-spirited. Please don't let it make you doubt yourself.

I'd reply with a just a thumbs up or "thank you for your feedback 👍" as there's nothing you can actually say that he will hear.

VestaTilley · 12/02/2022 20:10

Not pretentious at all, just a statement of fact. Unless you said it in a really haughty tone of voice, then he is being unreasonable.