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Original poster

To think this isn't 'pretentious'

332 replies

blameitontheweatherwoman · 12/02/2022 18:28

Meeting my brothers new girlfriend last night at a family event. Small talk etc and she asked me what I was doing at uni, I said and I quote, 'a masters in social work'. That was fine, small pleasantries were exchanged and that was it.

Must note me and my brother don't have the best of relationships. God knows we've tried but we just don't get on, we're polar opposites and fall out, make up, fall out, make up.

Anyways, this afternoon I received a text from him, basically the way I presented myself and my education was 'pretentious'. Was there any need to tell his girlfriend I was doing a master in social work rather than just 'I'm doing social work'. He said even saying I was doing a postgrad would have been better.

It was honestly not a conscious thought but was then thinking, even if it was, why bloody not? I'm proud of it?

However it's made me weary about how I present it to others (sure I'm overthinking). Is it pretentious to say that when asked??

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 12/02/2022 21:03

Why did you need to emphasise the masters? No one else GAF truly. Other than You Really Do.

She was asked. What was she supposed to do lie?

And if he didn’t GAF why is he bothered that she replied and thought it was pretentious.

mathanxiety · 12/02/2022 21:07

Your brother is a difficult person.

You're not going to ever change his habit of attacking you.

A better idea would be to tell him you're sorry he feels the way he feels, every single time he tries to cause drama. Ignoring him would work too. I suspect indifference on your part would kill him.

MichelleScarn · 12/02/2022 21:08

@WonderfulYou

Why did you need to emphasise the masters? No one else GAF truly. Other than You Really Do.

She was asked. What was she supposed to do lie?

And if he didn’t GAF why is he bothered that she replied and thought it was pretentious.

Exactly @wonderfulyou! Well of course in this vein there's no difference between my p1 5yo and their cousin who is doing their IB..... I mean they're both at school so of course why the need to differentiate!
expensiveshite · 12/02/2022 21:09

send him back a 👍

That will annoy him no end!

pictish · 12/02/2022 21:09

Your brother feels threatened by your studies. Just ignore him.

GildedLily17 · 12/02/2022 21:10

Definitely one of those situations where the 👍 is the only sensible reply. What you said is totally fine!

DumpedByText · 12/02/2022 21:11

He's being a knob, you are doing a masters and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if you told me that, I'd just think you're bright and well done!

GildedLily17 · 12/02/2022 21:11

@Gridhopper

‘Pretentious? Moi?’ is the only appropriate response I think
Love this option too!
AuntyBumBum · 12/02/2022 21:12

@Arnia
He hasn't been to university has he?

Not that there's anything wrong with that - but no he hasn't.

Is he someone who likes to say he's been to the University of Life, and the School of Hard Knocks. They always turn out to be really nice ...

Thenose · 12/02/2022 21:12

Neither 'postgrad' or 'masters' is pretentious. What you said was accurate. I'm sorry about your brother and his girlfriend. The girlfriend sounds very immature and your brother is crossing a line trying to pull you down to boost her up.

Whatever you respond, do not let them minimise your achievements.

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2022 21:16

@girlmom21

I'd think you were a bit pretentious emphasising the Masters to be honest, but that's because I know people who do so and are being pretentious.
But that's what she's doing!

Why would you make something up?

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 21:17

Hang on, the girlfriend asked what you were doing at Uni. What the fuck did your brother want you to say? “Oh nothing, they just let me pop in on Wednesdays to clean the urinals.”

AuntyBumBum · 12/02/2022 21:21

@girlmom21

I'd think you were a bit pretentious emphasising the Masters to be honest, but that's because I know people who do so and are being pretentious.

But that's what she's doing!

Why would you make something up?

And anyway "pretentious" means pretending to be something you're not. She is a masters degree student. (And he is a fucking idiot.)

BoredZelda · 12/02/2022 21:22

I’ve been to Uni. I did a masters. I can’t think when people asked that I ever said I was doing a masters, just like I didn’t say I was doing a bachelors as it would have sounded wanky to me. If people asked they just wanted to know the subject or were just being polite.

timeisnotaline · 12/02/2022 21:26

‘Never mind you can just remind her I’m a single mum in a rented flat and you can both carry on looking down at me like you obviously want to. If that’s what’s needed to make you two feel good about yourself.’
Better said on phone actually so he doesn’t have it in writing thOugh- hi brother, I’ve been thinking about what you said and it’s best that I don’t lie about my studies to make your gf feel better but you can just remind her… etc

AngelinaFibres · 12/02/2022 21:31

@T00Ts

Hang on, the girlfriend asked what you were doing at Uni. What the fuck did your brother want you to say? “Oh nothing, they just let me pop in on Wednesdays to clean the urinals.”
That made me laugh. I went to a party once and the husband of someone I vaguely knew came up and said "and what do you do" in that pompous sort of way some men have. I said I'm the deputy head at X school.It was next door to the vet practice he was a partner in. He looked astonished. I was a single parent. I think he would have been happier if I'd said I cleaned public toilets. That woukd have fitted his expectation of me.
cherish123 · 12/02/2022 21:37

Not pretentious at all. What were you supposed to say?

Jewel52 · 12/02/2022 21:37

Sounds like he’ll find anything to attack you with. Rather than fighting fire with fire, i’d undermine his attempt at making you the bad guy by going back with a very casual text along the lines of “Oh right, didn’t mean to be pretentious, but i’m sure you would’ve explained that anyway” and leave it at that. Despite the money thing, he can’t get over you being smarter than him!

EddyF · 12/02/2022 21:38

There are a few bitchy remarks on this very thread. You should be really proud of yourself, OP; that is a wonderful achievement. People are jealous of all sorts but that is not your problem. I personally wouldn’t reply to him.

AngelinaFibres · 12/02/2022 21:40

@BoredZelda

I’ve been to Uni. I did a masters. I can’t think when people asked that I ever said I was doing a masters, just like I didn’t say I was doing a bachelors as it would have sounded wanky to me. If people asked they just wanted to know the subject or were just being polite.
Surely if you were an under grad you would have said ' I am doing a degree in X". So when you had done that ,and moved on to a Masters there is nothing wrong with saying "I am doing a masters in X with Y" My DIL is due to start a PhD in October. If anyone asks me I will tell them just that.Saying I am doing a batchelors in something isn't usually said because if you say you are studying X people will assume that's your first degree. Why shouldn't people who have worked bloody hard and accrued lots of student debt, be honest about what they are doing.
amusedbush · 12/02/2022 21:40

You answered the question factually. I'm doing a PhD and, to be honest, sometimes I do try to downplay it to avoid sounding like I'm bragging (even though university isn't a brag and there is fuck all pretentious about me!). However, if I don't just come out and say "I'm doing a PhD about degree apprenticeships", people will just push for it anyway.

"What do you do?"
"I'm a student."
"What are you studying?"
"Education."
"Are you training to be a teacher?"
"No, I study higher education."
"What does that involve?"

I promise, I've had that conversation repeatedly with hairdressers, my new neighbours, people I chatted to at my brother's wedding last year. Skirting around it is much weirder than just stating the fact!

Thenose · 12/02/2022 21:40

BoredZelda, that might be appropriate when talking to a stranger at the bus stop, but what about in conversations with your inner circle?

SarahBellam · 12/02/2022 21:44

You’re brother is being a dock. You are literally doing a masters in social work. I’d just reply with ‘Did you expect me to lie about what I was doing? I am literally doing a masters in social work. Stop being a dick.’

And for those of you on here talking shit about how a masters in social work isn’t all that. It is. It’s a different course to get on to. OP, you should be very proud of doing what you’re doing and if your DB or his HF have a problem with it, it’s their problem, not yours.

Muminabun · 12/02/2022 21:44

He sounds very controlling to be trying to police another adults language like this. Tell him you will speak any way you want and to fuck off.

Rivering · 12/02/2022 22:06

Maybe he doesn’t want his new girlfriend to think that his sister is brainier than him.

If you both fall out with eachother regularly anyway, just let it blow over. It’s hardly worthy of permanent exile. And if your brother does exile you over it, meh, his loss.
My own brother does this to family members, currently me (over something completely untrue), but as I’m not around him to defend myself, I just find myself thinking ....you guessed it - Meh.

Life is too short to waste on adult siblings being childish with eachother.

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