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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old boy wished my 3 year old dead

131 replies

Nikki037297 · 12/02/2022 11:06

My daughter was on a group chat with her friends from the middle school and someone invited their brother in who is 13, she knows this boy as she’s been to her friends house many times, he heard my 3 year old in the background playing and he said I wish he would shut up and die. I’m furious a 13 year old would say this, he’s then claimed it was a joke! Iv told my daughter she’s not going to this house anymore, their mother wasn’t home at the time she leaves them home alone when she’s at work and leaves the 13 year old to look after the younger child. I’m so annoyed. AIBU? is it just a child’s silly joke and nothing to take to heart?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 12/02/2022 11:07

It sounds the sort of stupid thing 13 year olds say. I think you need to calm down a bit.

SirChenjins · 12/02/2022 11:09

It’s a revolting, horrible thing to say, but at 13 their brains are not fully developed and unfortunately they do say and do things that they wouldn’t as they get older. What is the boy like at other times?

LittleBearPad · 12/02/2022 11:09

is it just a child’s silly joke and nothing to take to heart?

Yes

Maybe the group chats that other people can be added to aren’t a good idea for a KS2 child.

Teeturtle · 12/02/2022 11:09

I think you have massively over reacted and need to get a grip. “Shut up and die” is a jokey comment said by 13 year olds.

DelorisVC · 12/02/2022 11:10

It’s just a silly joke. It’s not that nice as a parent to hear but I certainly wouldn’t overthink it.

Malbecfan · 12/02/2022 11:10

13 yo boys can be complete arses. I'm a secondary school teacher so speak from experience. Some are an utter delight, others absolute twats. This lad was probably acting "the big guy" to impress his sister's mates. I'm sure if he met your DS, he'd be down with him in the Lego or whatever, reliving his early childhood. Move on, for your own peace of mind.

LIZS · 12/02/2022 11:10

How old is your dc that she is in chat apps? It was a throw away comment.

SprayItOnMe · 12/02/2022 11:11

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Porcupineintherough · 12/02/2022 11:11

You are over reacting. It's an unpleasant thing to say but it is something children say.

Original poster
Nikki037297 · 12/02/2022 11:11

@SirChenjins at other times he’s fairly smart and Iv never know him to be like this and even his sister was shocked and shouted at him that’s awful as did everyone else in the chat which is when he said it was a joke

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2022 11:12

Of course it's just a 13yo silly joke. Every sentence I hear my dd saying ti her friends 'on mums life...'
On reading the title I thought this was going to be some Jamie bugler horrific story, not absolutely normal teenage chat.
So, Yabu on that.
Yabu on the judging of the parents situation.
And Yabu to get upset to allow your child the platform to have a group chat and then get upset by it.
And Yabu to not allow your dc round their house because of it.,

Porcupineintherough · 12/02/2022 11:13

Do you really think he wants your ds dead for being loud @Nikki037297? He said it, he got shot down, next time he'll likely think twice.

CovidCorvid · 12/02/2022 11:13

When your kids are 13yo you will realise that sometimes they say silly things like this. They’re not exactly the most mature at all times.

Nietzschethehiker · 12/02/2022 11:13

It's a silly joke. A horrible one of course and if they were my child they would be staring down some serious consequences but they didn't mean it.

Ds1 has a friend with a brother the same age as ds2. It resulted in some out of character behaviour from ds1 to ds2. There is context though. The friend has a tough homelife. There has been a lot of issues between the fathers connected to the family (there is also a 3rd child but she's a baby). The friend is acting out because if things at home. He's targeting his own little brother (who in fact he's nicer to than he admits) because he's safe. Ds1 doesn't understand the dynamic and it became a thing to say horrible things about their brothers. Some of them were awful and we shut ds1 down very quickly about boundaries and understanding what he said (not an easy task as ds1 is asd).

Ds1 actually adores ds2 (factoring in normal brotherly annoyance) and he very quickly realised I wasnt having any of it. Just ignore it. It's not your child and the friend is not responsible for her brothers behaviour. Its not my job to manage his friend to a point so I just handled my own dc. It worked.

Kids say things without understanding the impact and a 13 year old is still a kid.

toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 11:15

How old are the other children on the chat?

pinkstripeycat · 12/02/2022 11:18

It’s definitely the sort of silly thing 13yr olds say. I’m always reining in my DS14 for saying inappropriate, daft, rude things.

HunkyPunk · 12/02/2022 11:20

I think some parents would be truly shocked at the language and culture which is common currency even at primary school. Playgrounds are akin to bear pits ime. And it gets worse in senior school. I think it’s a commonplace insult to wish someone dead, and not meant literally!

lljkk · 12/02/2022 11:23

The other kids all told him off instantly. He tested a boundary & they firmly put him in his place. Not worthwhile getting emotionally invested in this.

wowbutter · 12/02/2022 11:24

I really think you need to chill.
When I was in school we had a running joke of "kill it with fire". At no point were we genuinely suggesting someone burnt their dog, sibling, etc to death!

Fridafever · 12/02/2022 11:24

So what’s the alternative to it being a joke? Do you actually think he wants to kill your 3 year old? I assume you don’t really or you’d have gone to the police. You’re being ridiculous.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 12/02/2022 11:26

Massive overreaction to ban your dd from going to her friends house

PupInAPram · 12/02/2022 11:28

I work in a large high school with an open door onto a busy corridor. If parents could hear what their teenagers say to each other when they think they can't be overheard, I think they would be very shocked. Yep a child's unfiltered, undeveloped brain and a grown up access to all the delights of the Internet don't help!

ChocolateMassacre · 12/02/2022 11:34

I think kids work out what has shock value and then use it inappropriately. So a 4 yo might say "I don't love you" or "I don't want to play with you" to get a reaction, or tell you to send their younger sibling back or give them away. A 13 year old is clearly going to up the ante somewhat. You put them in their place and move on. And clearly some children take longer to develop the ability to emotionally self-regulate.

Daenerys77 · 12/02/2022 11:35

Evidence of immature behaviour by a thirteen year old hardly amounts to a good reason for interfering with your daughter's friendships.

HyacynthBucket · 12/02/2022 11:41

Is would be a lot more concerned about a 13 year old being left to look after a younger child while the DM is out at work. That is way too much responsibility for the older one. Lives have been ruined when older siblings are left to care for younger ones, who then suffer some accident or injury. The guilt may never go away.