13 year old boy wished my 3 year old dead

[Nikki037297]

My daughter was on a group chat with her friends from the middle school and someone invited their brother in who is 13, she knows this boy as she’s been to her friends house many times, he heard my 3 year old in the background playing and he said I wish he would shut up and die. I’m furious a 13 year old would say this, he’s then claimed it was a joke! Iv told my daughter she’s not going to this house anymore, their mother wasn’t home at the time she leaves them home alone when she’s at work and leaves the 13 year old to look after the younger child. I’m so annoyed. AIBU? is it just a child’s silly joke and nothing to take to heart?

I was going to say what @JuergenSchwarzwald has just said: in 10 years time you will have a young teenage boy on your hands and you will find that they do test the boundaries all the time, say silly things and often awful things without thinking about the content or possible effect on others. If I’d heard my son say that I’d have very definitely marked his card but I don’t think you can or should try to police someone else’s child. He will have learned a lesson from the correction he got from a group of slightly older girls which will probably stay with him more effectively than his DM telling him off in a few days time about a remark she didn’t hear and he doesn’t remember. It won’t do your daughter any favours to be banned from going to her friends house over something one of her friend’s siblings said. I think you need to let it go.

@crazyjinglist

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this.

As a secondary teacher, I don't think most parents have that accurate an idea of how their teenagers talk (or behave) when they're not there tbh.

This is so true.

@SarahJessicaPorker

A 16yo saying it to their 13yo brother who finds it funny is not the same as a random 13yo saying it about a 3yo.

Again, not saying the 13yo is evil or means it yada yada. Yes, teenagers say terrible shit, bit tbh, not that many say it about small children they know irl. I work with teenagers too fwiw

Didn’t say it was the same. My point was that teenagers say horrible things at times and they should be called out but it doesn’t mean they are vile etc.

My take on it is he was showing off and went too far. I wouldn’t see it as a reason to ban the DD from going to the house.

Shocked at how many people on here want to normalise this language. It isnt normal. It isnt acceptable. We have a huge sociat problem woth make violence. Let’s not allow it to be called a joke. It needs challenging.

I think you're overreacting.

As PPs have said, it's a very typical bratty mean thing a 13 year old would say.

He got told off by his peers which is punishment.

Yep, teenage girls can be as foul as they like!

It was a half sarcastic comment.
That’s not what I’m saying. Teenage girls can be fucking hideous too.
The majority of MN think this boys’ comment is fine, but in their next breath they’ll be talking about how we need to do better to bring boys up to be respectful.

@TracyMosby

Shocked at how many people on here want to normalise this language. It isnt normal. It isnt acceptable. We have a huge sociat problem woth make violence. Let’s not allow it to be called a joke. It needs challenging.

Of course it's not acceptable and it needs challenging, but at the same time it is fairly typical stupid teen behaviour because they don't engage their brains before mouthing off. Most people aren't saying ignore it or let it go, just that it's fairly unlikely that this boy actually wishes harm on the OP's small child.

I suspect he thought it would be funnier than it was. His family and peers called him out, he didn't defend it (well I do, he's annoying!) he tried to back peddle (doh, joke guys!!) which at least shows he recognises its unacceptable.

How old is your daughter?

Oh for goodness sake no one is saying it’s fine!!! Everyone has said it was horrible but the OP asked whether she was overreacting about by being furious and upset and stopping her DD from going to the house and in my opinion she is a bit.

@TracyMosby

Shocked at how many people on here want to normalise this language. It isnt normal. It isnt acceptable. We have a huge sociat problem woth make violence. Let’s not allow it to be called a joke. It needs challenging.

It’s not pleasant, but I’m afraid it is normal. Read the thread and you’ll see what many teachers have to say! And it’s not just coming from males.

Dear lord kids that age chat shit
He didnt mean anything by it

@TracyMosby

Shocked at how many people on here want to normalise this language. It isnt normal. It isnt acceptable. We have a huge sociat problem woth make violence. Let’s not allow it to be called a joke. It needs challenging.

No one has said hahaha yeah, that's just a really funny joke. Inc his peers. He was rightly called out and hopefully feels a bit of a dick.

But that doesn't mean he's a danger to the child or ops daughter, or that his home is an unsafe place re op now saying daughter cannot visit.

I'm glad the other young people on the chat called him out on it. That's what we need everyone to do with such behaviour. obviously better if he hadn't said it in the first place and he needs educating on that, but people need to challenge too

I have a 13 yo dd. Kids, especially boys this age say and do really dumb things due to teen brain rewiring (girls go through this a bit younger in my experience). It is a massive overreaction to tell your dd she can’t go around their house anymore. Idk how old the younger sibling is. But it is totally normal to leave a 13 yo home alone. Presuming the younger sibling is the same age as your dd, this is hardly young. Middle school I understand is Yr 6/7/8.

As many others have said, the other kids called him out on his badly judged joke. Your dd is using a platform, which she shouldn’t be using based on her age. Most children do. But you don’t get to have the moral high ground on the mother or the boy.

A complete and total overreaction, in my opinion. You will have to be witness to a LOT worse than that during the next few teenage years!

I wouldn't like to hear any child (or person!) saying that about a 3yo, but it sounds like the rest of the whatsapp group took him to task for saying it.

I think you are over-reacting about your DD not going to that house again, but I would make sure that she never took her little brother with her, or had the 13yo boy over to your house (no reason why she should, but if it ever became an option). I doubt VERY much that said 13yo boy would actually do anything to your 3yo, but he obviously has low tolerance levels for toddler noise (joke or not) and therefore they should be kept apart.

I also don't think it's very appropriate that a 13yo boy is in a group chat with a bunch of middle school girls, if they're all girls in there. That might seem hide-bound, but it changes a dynamic and if he's a few years older than them, then It could get very awkward.

@Daenerys77

Evidence of immature behaviour by a thirteen year old hardly amounts to a good reason for interfering with your daughter's friendships.

This. Get a grip, OP.

13 year olds are twats and say stupid things, especially when they are not face to face. I certainly did.

And WhatsApp is a 12.

@crazyjinglist

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this.

As a secondary teacher, I don't think most parents have that accurate an idea of how their teenagers talk (or behave) when they're not there tbh.

As someone who lives very near a secondary school and is usually wfh at 3.30, I would heartily concur with this.

Yes. I think it's just a stupid thing that kids say. 'Shut up and die' is an expression; it doesn't mean a literal death threat! Rude, but hardly sinister.

I just hope your ridiculous reaction hasn't sparked a shitload of bullying and alienation for the kid.. Ridiculous behaviour from you.

@lapasion

Horrible thing to say but teenagers can blurt out awful things. I cringe when I think about nasty stuff I said about people when I was young and hormonal and didn’t think about the consequences.

Exactly this. I said some awful things as a teenager, never meant them but I’d say it for shock factor and to get a reaction. I didn’t really think beyond getting a reaction and I look back now like “wow you were a right bitch hun”. But that’s the reality with teenagers, they can be right dicks but often don’t possess the ability to see beyond the here and now.

The number of times me and my brother have said "Oh, drop dead" to eachother

as pre-teens/teenagers of course

That’s so common, that type of silly comment
FODIAC was around years ago “Fuck off and die in a corner “
Nothing to be alarmed about.