13 year old boy wished my 3 year old dead

[Nikki037297]

My daughter was on a group chat with her friends from the middle school and someone invited their brother in who is 13, she knows this boy as she’s been to her friends house many times, he heard my 3 year old in the background playing and he said I wish he would shut up and die. I’m furious a 13 year old would say this, he’s then claimed it was a joke! Iv told my daughter she’s not going to this house anymore, their mother wasn’t home at the time she leaves them home alone when she’s at work and leaves the 13 year old to look after the younger child. I’m so annoyed. AIBU? is it just a child’s silly joke and nothing to take to heart?

Arrg. You need to be more proactive about teaching online safety. If a random 13 year old can join their chat then who else can?!

You've massively overreacted, it's not nice but it's hardly an ostracising event. He's 13, it's ok to express your displeasure at what he said, but I think stopping friendships over it is borderline bullying by yourself.

Youre being over dramatic and U @Nikki037297.

@pinkstripeycat

It’s definitely the sort of silly thing 13yr olds say. I’m always reining in my DS14 for saying inappropriate, daft, rude things.

Yep.

In agreement there.
It was rude, inappropriate and stupid.

I’ve never heard my own teens saying anything like this tbh.
I’m wondering if it’s more likely to be boys who talk like this?

But very good that the others in the chat pulled him up in it tbh. Shows too that even from a teenager pov it’s not OK.

What's app is a 16, before you go judging other parents look at yourself.

@NuffSaidSam

It sounds the sort of stupid thing 13 year olds say. I think you need to calm down a bit.

And this poster is this is probably a parent who has one of these vile children. That is a disgusting thing to say. You don't brush things off like this. You need to speak to the mother to let her know what was said. I'm glad you have decided not to allow your dd there.

It was a shit thing to say but he’s a teenage boy showing off. You’re being beyond precious to be so upset by it.

I think you have massivley overreacted. Of course it's a horrible thing to say but sadly 13 year olds aren't terribly mature at times. Sounds like he got shot down and will think twice next time.

It's a stupid, thoughtless phrase. Not very nice, but hardly wishing him dead!

As a kid I often said my parents would kill me without actually believing I was going to be murdered.

"The other kids all told him off instantly. He tested a boundary & they firmly put him in his place."
Yes the other kids dealt with it and that is often the best way.

As a current parent of a 13 year old, they can be pretty brutal. This is - unfortunately - a very common thing to say for some of them just now. I overhear lots of conversations between my 13 yo and friends and some of the stuff is awful.

I do, of course, pull them up on it when I hear it, but they're still developing, and don't necessarily realise the impact of what they say. They know they're joking, most of the people they say it to know they're joking, they struggle to see past that and hear how it might sound to anyone else.

So YANBU in being shocked by it, but YABU in taking it so seriously. Your daughter and her friends reactions show they're not in that phase, so just try to limit their contact with those who are, and move on.

you have a lot to learn about teenagers

Massive overreaction methinks. Young teenagers come out with allsorts of rubbish. Not a particularly nice thing for a mum to hear, but the chances of it coming true are pretty unlikely!!

@Stressedout1009

You can't have control of what other people say. All the OP can do is speak to her daughter, and stress that her reaction was appropriate - that these things are not okay to say, even as a joke, and hope that she doesn't say that type of thing.
The kids' reactions to it were bang on, reacting with disgust, but there's nothing further that can be done, sadly.

Horrible thing to say but teenagers can blurt out awful things. I cringe when I think about nasty stuff I said about people when I was young and hormonal and didn’t think about the consequences.

Pretty sure I said this about my brother once or twice

Of course I didn't mean it! Well not the die bit anyway...

@NuffSaidSam

It sounds the sort of stupid thing 13 year olds say. I think you need to calm down a bit.

That.

He didn't mean it for goodness sakes!

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this. This isn’t “normal” teenage speak in my rl experience. Sometimes they need to have things pointed out that they’re not acceptable but it seems that many would just laugh of their dc saying something like that. I’m a bit stumped by the assumption all teens are horrible and we shouldn’t hold them to account over behaviour that wouldn’t be okay for an adult to display.

I think the others on the chat shut him down immediately over it, so he's learned something there from his own peers.

Stay out of it for now.

Jeez cant be much going on in your life if you over react like that to the words of a child.

You are v quick to judge another woman’s parenting. Whilst allowing your daughter on a group chat With older boys

The boy was rightly so ,told off by his peers which will hopefully prevent future gob shite comments
Safeguard both your children by keeping them away from unsavoury kids and their slack parents if you must

What is your worry hear ?

I agree with.others- common.. even.more common dramatic i want to kill myself.

I am not sure what you are hoping to achieve- punishing your child for something another child said.

Of course it was a joke. You don’t really believe the kid wants your little boy to die do you? It’s just a turn of phrase and punishing your DD and her friend for it is a crazy overreaction, not too mention grossly unfair.

Completely ridiculous over reaction. Teenagers say stuff like this ALL the time to other teenagers and don't think twice. You will find out. In the meantime, maybe think about your daughters online safety?

I’m wondering if it’s more likely to be boys who talk like this?

Nope. In my professional experience, girls at 13 are MUCH more vicious and vile when they think adults aren't around. Boys joke around and move on. Girls practically have mafia vendettas that go on for weeks and months, including encouraging self harm and suicide. It's brutal. Most quickly grow past this stage but 13 is known as the "horror year" for a reason among teachers.

@NeedAHoliday2021

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this. This isn’t “normal” teenage speak in my rl experience. Sometimes they need to have things pointed out that they’re not acceptable but it seems that many would just laugh of their dc saying something like that. I’m a bit stumped by the assumption all teens are horrible and we shouldn’t hold them to account over behaviour that wouldn’t be okay for an adult to display.

Not at all. The generalising isn't that teenagers all say this in particular, but that teenagers say stupid things. All of them, their brains are still developing.

Anecdotally, my 13 yo would probably say similar 'jokes', but I know for a fact their friends do. But my almost 17 yo would have been utterly aghast at a friend saying this, and would never dream, or have dreamt, of saying similar.