13 year old boy wished my 3 year old dead

[Nikki037297]

My daughter was on a group chat with her friends from the middle school and someone invited their brother in who is 13, she knows this boy as she’s been to her friends house many times, he heard my 3 year old in the background playing and he said I wish he would shut up and die. I’m furious a 13 year old would say this, he’s then claimed it was a joke! Iv told my daughter she’s not going to this house anymore, their mother wasn’t home at the time she leaves them home alone when she’s at work and leaves the 13 year old to look after the younger child. I’m so annoyed. AIBU? is it just a child’s silly joke and nothing to take to heart?

I have a ds same age and if my ds said that even as a joke, I would be furious and he will be punished. Something should never be said, even as a joke. It's not funny, at all.

13 year olds say things like this all the time, no it's not nice to hear, but he really isn't saying he wishes your child harm. The amount of times I hear my dd and her mates saying this phrase to each other, to siblings etc. Is a lot believe me. I do explain it isn't pleasant- but all I get back is " it's a joke mum gawd...."

It was a very silly, inappropriate and unfunny "joke" that immature teenagers might make. Especially boys.

I didn't have boys, but if I had ever heard any of my three DDs talking about anyone in any such way I would have pulled them up sharply.

Don't overthink it though. He isn't necessarily a danger to children, yours or his siblings. He is just a silly, immature 13 year old boy.

It sounds as though the others on the group chat dealt with him pretty effectively.

I remember being 13 and making THE MOST awful jokes among friends. In front of other parent’s though, of course I was an angel - we all were! I really think you’ve overreacted here. Also at 13, you can’t really decide (and shouldn’t decide) who your kids choose as friends.

It was obviously a very nasty thing to say but he's a 13yr old kid. They say much worse things than this. They don't know anything about the real world yet, so they don't really understand the gravity of the words.

Its a stupid immature thing teenage boys say, especially when in a group where they think it will make them look "cool" of course he doesnt want your 3 year old to die. I think if your child (and you) cant navigate the nuances of chat on social media she/you need to not be using it.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints WhatsApp is age 12+ so maybe stop spreading misinformation.

Massive overreaction. Also you're not looking good judging another woman's parenting like that.

I think this really. I know teenagers say awful things. They don't mean them and it doesn't mean they're going to be horrible adults who wish death on small children.

But, I'd definitely be furious if my child said this at the age of 13 about a 3 year old child. Furious.

So no, I don't think you're overreacting. If it was my 13yo I'd want you to tell me so there would be consequences.

Words matter and although a 13yo isn't mature enough to fully understand the impact of what they are saying, they will never learn if everyone just says "oh chill. It's just what they dooooo".

Meant to quote @rainrainraincamedowndowndown's post there.

And this poster is this is probably a parent who has one of these vile children. That is a disgusting thing to say. You don't brush things off like this. You need to speak to the mother to let her know what was said. I'm glad you have decided not to allow your dd there

personally I think you need to look at yourself if you call someone you've never met vile. And you are not 13 and don't have the excuse of being a silly teenager.

OP is your 3 year old a boy or a girl? If a boy it might be your son making a stupid remark in 10 years' time. And actually girls can say ridiculous things too.

It is probably ok for a 13 year old to babysit a younger child - after all babysitting courses usually start at 14 and I doubt there is much of a magical line between being 13 and being 14. Depends on the teen and the child concerned though.

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this.

As a secondary teacher, I don't think most parents have that accurate an idea of how their teenagers talk (or behave) when they're not there tbh.

WhatsApp is age 12+ so maybe stop spreading misinformation

Not in the UK and the EU - it is meant to be 16.

[quote NeedAHoliday2021]@MrsRobinsonsHandprints WhatsApp is age 12+ so maybe stop spreading misinformation.[/quote]
It’s 16 in the EU. It’s 13 elsewhere.

faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/minimum-age-to-use-whatsapp/?lang=en

Regardless a middle school child won’t be old enough

Massive over reaction by you I’m afraid. 13 year old was most likely showing off, said something stupid. Teenagers speak to each other in a horrible way.

And the UK was in the EU when it changed so it’s 16 here

@MrsRobinsonsHandprintsWhatsApp is age 12+ so maybe stop spreading misinformation.

It's you that's spreading misinformation, I'm afraid. It's 16+ in the UK (and has been since 2018, I think).

I think you’re overreacting. It’s not nice but definitely the kind of things 13 year olds come out with. He got called out on the chat, he probably won’t do it again.
I overheard my normally lovely 16 year old tell her 13 year old brother to “go die in a hole” a few weeks ago. Words were had obviously but he seemed to find it funny.

A 16yo saying it to their 13yo brother who finds it funny is not the same as a random 13yo saying it about a 3yo.

Again, not saying the 13yo is evil or means it yada yada. Yes, teenagers say terrible shit, bit tbh, not that many say it about small children they know irl. I work with teenagers too fwiw

I am actually quite surprised so many people have shrugged this type of comment off to be honest.
If he’d have said a derogatory comment about the OP’s 13 year old daughter (yes you know the type of comment I mean) , everyone would rightly be saying he’s vile. But because he made a comment about wishing a toddler dead that’s ok?

I thought people wanted teenage boys to be better than this?

Probably meant in an off-hand ‘jokey’ way but I’d expect his sister to be showing more loyalty to her little brother and tell the 13 yo to get stuffed and that she’s not going round his.

You need to get a grip or you will raise kids who are either constantly, excessively frightened of their peers - or little grasses.
Tweens and teens, particularly, say unpleasant things to each other all the time without the remotest intention of doing each other harm. Some it is trying to outdo each other as to who can come up with the 'worst' thing to say, some of it is letting off steam; the vast majority of it is completely harmless.

Ffs it's a flippant comment when the child was being noisy not a sincere wish that his brother would die.

@crazyjinglist

It almost certainly was meant in jokey way but I have a 13 (almost 14) year old and she and her friends wouldn’t speak like this.

As a secondary teacher, I don't think most parents have that accurate an idea of how their teenagers talk (or behave) when they're not there tbh.

So so true.

I thought people wanted teenage boys to be better than this?

Yep, teenage girls can be as foul as they like!