To send cat joke to friend who had elderly cat put to sleep 5 weeks ago

[dizzydizzydizzy]

I am in a WhatsApp group with 3 friends. We send each other cat jokes - cartoon type things that you might find on a birthday card. One of them who I am very close to has been very annoyed with my recently but I don't know why. (I have asked). She sent me a very angry text message last week and has generally given me the cold shoulder. The same person had her elderly cat put to sleep 5 weeks ago, after a long and happy life. She has messaged the group back to say not to send her cat jokes because they are too upsetting and she can't even walk down the cat food aisle in the supermarket without crying.

YABU = sending somebody a cat joke 5 weeks after the death of a cat is insensitive
YANBU = the upset is being used as a stick to beat me with and has more to do with her campaign against me than any genuine inability to cope.

YABVU

YABVU here .Your friend is missing her pet and doesnt appreciate "Cat Jokes" ATM .Please be a little sensitive to her feelings . Pets are your bestie mates .Its not so different to losing a dear friend . Please Be Kind

Of course it is insensitive.
It’s worrying that you have to ask.

I suppose the question is, why are you more keen for the feel-good factor of sending a joke meme than you are for respecting your friend's feelings?

There’s clearly more going on here if she’s been irritable with you in general, without bringing her issue to the fore.
I cba with people who won’t be upfront. I also cba with people who use emotional blackmail to control proceedings.
So for the sake of being devil’s advocate…yanbu.

Campaign against you? That's not a normal thing to think or write.

I actually think I’m going to say YANBU.

I have a much loved dog, absolutely adore her. But I’ve thought about her dying and then someone sending me a dog joke 5 weeks later and while it may make me sniffle thinking about my pooch, I don’t think it would upset or anger me as such.

However you do have to listen to what your friend is telling you. You know now it upset her.

So while you were not being unreasonable, you would be unreasonable to do it again or not take what she’s told you as a reasonable thing to say.

Do you want to elaborate on the friendship so we understand better?

I was going to say YABU, but if that's what is usually sent on that group, I'm not sure. It's different if that is the usual method of interaction rather than a random one.
But now, you need to listen to her.

@Bofthebang

I actually think I’m going to say YANBU.

I have a much loved dog, absolutely adore her. But I’ve thought about her dying and then someone sending me a dog joke 5 weeks later and while it may make me sniffle thinking about my pooch, I don’t think it would upset or anger me as such.

However you do have to listen to what your friend is telling you. You know now it upset her.

So while you were not being unreasonable, you would be unreasonable to do it again or not take what she’s told you as a reasonable thing to say.

Thanks all. I was pretty much thinking what @Bofthebang said.

I have apologised my friend and obviously won't ever send any more cat jokes.

My Dad died recently. I wouldn't have been upset about generic Dad jokes. But that is just me.

YABU. I can't believe you had to ask. She's grieving and it's only been 5 weeks.

YABU

Of course YABU.

Please don't.

the upset is being used as a stick to beat me with and has more to do with her campaign against me than any genuine inability to cope

I'm assuming you don't like one another? Or do you usually assume everyone has an agenda against you in general rather than them just having genuine feelings?

She's probably worked out she needs new friends!

YABU. Can’t believe you need to ask. You have zero empathy and obviously hate this woman so why are you pretending to be her friend?

YABVU

YANBU.

It's a group who send each other cat jokes. If she doesn't want to see them she can leave the group.

YANBU unless it was a joke about a cat dying. I assume more likely a funny cat cartoon or meme? If sending these is the norm within the group then it’s not unreasonable that you sent the cartoon. Your friend sounds over sensitive, the loss of a pet is sad but you can’t be expected to be shielded from any mention of cats for weeks on end afterwards.

That said if she doesn’t want to be part of the cat group anymore I would just start a new WhatsApp with the other 2 friends for the sharing of cat cartoons.

I don't think you've done anything wrong unless the cat 'joke' was in poor taste, which seems unlikely.

YABU, very insensitive.

@MolkosTeenageAngst @LetHimHaveIt .

The joke was not about dying, nor did the cat did look remotely similar to my friend's cat.

It was a normal numerous meme type of thing or birthday card type of thing.

Humorous not numerous

I'm confused. Did you send the cat joke THEN she said don't send cat jokes (YANBU) or she said don't send cat jokes then you sent her one anyway (YABU)?

I wouldn't think to avoid mentioning cats generally to someone whose cat died 5 weeks ago. Fair enough for them to still be upset but if they want that level of people being careful around them they need to request it.