Tracking teenagers

[glittergrrl]

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

I think it's an appalling thing to do. Parents who pull this shit are shooting themselves in the foot. It's a surefire way to destroy any trust you might have with your child.

No it really isn't. They know you're tracking them, they have to have the app too. Mine know it's for their safety, I track them only when I'm worried they're not home when they should be or if they've managed to lose their phone.
I'm not their friend, I'm their parent.

Yeah, people who feel the need to say "I'm not their friend, I'm their parent" tend to be the sort to use tracking apps.

The thing is, when your children are older teenagers your relationship - like their lives - needs to be in transition between being the authority figure of early childhood and the "friends and equals" status you'll have with them once they're independent adults. You do them no favours by breathing down their necks to such an extent that they a) will become devious and secretive just to be able to have a life away from you, and b) won't be able to develop the independence and coping skills they're going to need.

I track my kids, they track me. I also track my husband and my mom. It's about knowing they are safe.

@sadpapercourtesan

Yeah, people who feel the need to say "I'm not their friend, I'm their parent" tend to be the sort to use tracking apps.

The thing is, when your children are older teenagers your relationship - like their lives - needs to be in transition between being the authority figure of early childhood and the "friends and equals" status you'll have with them once they're independent adults. You do them no favours by breathing down their necks to such an extent that they a) will become devious and secretive just to be able to have a life away from you, and b) won't be able to develop the independence and coping skills they're going to need.

Hell of a difference between my DD who has just turned 13 and a 19 year old. Yes my daughter has a tracker on and that works both ways. She can see where I am and how close I am to coming to pick her up etc. It’s extremely helpful. However when she’s an older teen, if she asks me to take it off then yes that would be ok too.

Wow. Tracking partners and parents?? Its not about knowing they are safe, it's a completely inappropriate way to manage your own anxieties. And also controlling. And weird. And a massive red flag.

Never tracked mine but would ask them to put the share location thing on messenger if they were going somewhere out of the ordinary. Just until they were safely there and again when they set off back.

DD still does it at 20 cos she likes someone keeping an eye on where she is if it's somewhere unusual.

@Hungry625f

Wow. Tracking partners and parents?? Its not about knowing they are safe, it's a completely inappropriate way to manage your own anxieties. And also controlling. And weird. And a massive red flag.

🤣🤣 it really isn’t if all parties are in agreement and want the app. I know many family’s who all have it on their phones. They don’t study every movement- it’s more useful if you are trying to meet someone or find out where to pick them up from or how close they are to home if you are thinking of going out etc

I think it’s about the young person agreeing and feeling comfortable with it.

My BIL has an app and he can even see the speed my niece is driving at.

She really doesn’t mind, so everyone’s happy.

Sadpaper nope, my eldest is a fully functioning 30 year old who doesn't need me to find her phone. Managed to get her to adulthood without mentally scarring her by not being her best mate. My youngest is 12, regularly forgets where her phone is or forgets to tell me she's staying late at some extra curricular activities. She needs me to help her.

I do not track my teens (17 DS and 14yr old DD) and never have, so many do though. When DD goes out she voluntarily sends me her location on what’s app. That’s helpful but I don’t spend all day tracking her, just helpful if she’s got into town to see she’s ok

I don’t deliberately track my teen but I have got location on and so has she. Only actually realised when she asked why I’d be at a town 45 mins away one day… (at a work meeting) so she was tracking me. We’d turned it on when Dd went wild camping with my dad and he’s a little scatty. I don’t generally agree with tracking though, good communication is far better. I have friends with phones that mirror their dc WhatsApp so they can read messages without dc knowing. I massively disagree with this approach. I check dd’s phone but she knows this and I’m open about it. While I pay I can access. After a year she has built my trust and I rarely check but the rule is I’d still check if her mood changes or I’m concerned.

@Landlubber2019

I track my kids, they track me. I also track my husband and my mom. It's about knowing they are safe.

How does tracking tell you they are safe?

@Hungry625f

Wow. Tracking partners and parents?? Its not about knowing they are safe, it's a completely inappropriate way to manage your own anxieties. And also controlling. And weird. And a massive red flag.

Very succinctly put, words of wisdom.

I track everyone and they track me. Just saves us sending text messages or making calls.

Erm no I don't. However, if they were going out late it might be an idea to know they were on their way home ok. Would discuss it with them though. Equally I might enable tracking if I were travelling late by myself.

I share my location with my husband and my nearly grown up children and they mostly share back, it is really convenient! It's really handy for working out how far away someone is when they're travelling home, meeting up if we're looking round the shops separately, finding my daughter's friend's houses when she wants picking up, checking to see if someone managed to get the bus to work or might appreciate an offer of a lift, it's not all red flags and anxieties! Any of us can withdraw our permission whenever we want.

I think back to my teenage years and being able to go 'missing' for a couple of hours after school without anyone noticing or worrying.

The bus service was notoriously hit and miss, so I could arrive home any time between 4pm or 6pm through no fault of my own. I realised that meant I could also nip into town to the shops for a quick browse, or to meet my boyfriend from school, and still be home within reasonable bounds.

The rules were no going out on a school night, so this freedom worked well.

I find the idea of being tracked, or of tracking, bizarre and quite infantilising.

My tracking has got my mum, her partner, my brother and my best friend on, and they can all track me, and my cousin can also see me.

It’s all consensual and not really an issue. Mum can see when to call me and I know when to call her and see she’s at home. etc.

I track my mum, as a widow, I like to know that when she is out and about she is at least well. I like to know that when she has driven home, she has arrived home safely.

We all track each other for transparency, it's not about control.

Tracking only tells you (and google/whatever app you're using) where someone's phone is. It's a bit strange to think that it keeps people safe.

It's about efficient logistics, nd peace of mind, from all sides, in our house. It's not spying, or lack of trust, or a red flag. How ridiculous. In fact it's full trust. No one feels the need to be sneaking around... where no one knows where they are.... equally no one feels the need to stalk each other either..... it's more like, I am picking you up, which unfamiliar station exit are you at? Or I'll just pop tea on, how long till everyone might be home. Or, child has an optician appointment, really hope they are gonna make it on time, will have to phone if they're gonna be late.

We all track each other for transparency, it's not about control
For transparency? That sounds like you don't trust the people you are tracking.

I think there is a deeper issue here - we think it's totally innoccuous to track people we love because we just want to know they are safe. But when did we begin to feel anxious/ unsafe if we didn't constantly know where people were - ie. to the exact pinpoint on a map?

The more we rely on this stuff the less secure any of us will feel.

We are teaching teenagers that they are 'unsafe' all the time. It's interesting that someone mentions their daughter wanting to be tracked .
This links in to children not playing so freely and with autonomy as in previous generations - we are beginning to develop fearful minds and a belief that unless we are 'seen' and 'known ' every minute we are at risk

Think of the joy of being a growing teen - I remember it! - knowing that you are 'off grid' 'really hanging out with your mates in a new bubble your mum doesn't know exactly where you are and what you are doing - that is part of developing the independence that makes you a resilient and confident adult

When we say to teens - you are only safe if i know exactly where you are at all times (and I do wonder what 'safe' means here? kidnapping?! getting lost? ) - what are they internalising about their own capabilities to manage risk in the world.

I all this tracking husbands/wives/partners is ridiculously obsessive and wide open to abuse.

I really wouldn't be tracking my teenagers either.