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Original poster

Tracking teenagers

410 replies

glittergrrl · 11/02/2022 21:27

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

OP posts:
AliMonkey · 11/02/2022 23:24

We all have it on. I glance at it occasionally and yes "so I know when to put dinner on" is one of the things I like about it - safer for me to check where DH is than for him to phone whilst driving and text won't help in those circumstances. (Or vice versa if he is at home.) DC have definitely ended up with lifts home sometimes because one of us has worked out that the other is close by - if relied on texts, I suspect they'd have missed out as they don't check their phone constantly. And we've also managed to find out other eg at a theme park when we've agreed to phone or text to meet up when we've finished a ride but the other hasn't heard the call/text. So it's just convenient. Completely different to when I was a teenager and none of us could contact the other when out but doesn't make it wrong.

Occasionally I can't "find" one of them when I look and I just assume they have turned it off, are in an area with bad signal or have their phone off. I probably would be more concerned if they were somewhere unusual for them, but no more than that.

I find @SpikeySmooth's method ("DD texts everytime she goes somewhere new. Today she was out with friends in Central London, so she texted me each time the group decided to get on the Tube to go to another area.") weird - time consuming for DD when she should be enjoying her time with friends not texting home and feels more controlling than location.

VeganVampire · 11/02/2022 23:24

@Bitofachinwag

Tracking only tells you (and google/whatever app you're using) where someone's phone is. It's a bit strange to think that it keeps people safe.
Only knowing where the phone is enabled me to find DD in 400 acres when she'd fallen off her horse and it ran home. Knowing where my ds's phone is enables me to check if he's just late coming home from work on his moped or in a hedge bottom somewhere. Also makes it easier to find the kids on roads when the school bus breaks down again and I don't have to leave home to collect them until they're 20 minutes away. Likewise they can see if we've forgotten to collect them or whether we're 5 minutes away.
Cleothecat75 · 11/02/2022 23:25

@SilkySusan

PS all the people who think that tracking is weird.... you do know that YOU are being tracked every holiday or family outing you go on? If your teen has Snapmaps enabled on Snapchat, their fr can see exactly where you stay and dine! Teenagers have very different concept of privacy!
I didn’t realise this was a thing until we went on holiday last year and dd announced that one of her friends was staying quite nearby. I don’t use snapchat/snapmaps But all of dds friends have it and seem to know where each other are/whether they have arrived at school/town/wherever, so I don’t think they see being tracked as being controlled. We find it quite useful as a family or knowing what time everyone will be home, when to start cooking/put the kettle on etc. I also have a single friend who asked me to have her location in case she ever had a problem and needed help. I don’t have a problem with them all knowing where I am - maybe because the most exciting place I Ever go is the garden centre...
DramaAlpaca · 11/02/2022 23:30

@sashagabadon

I didn’t even know this was a thing! I would never do it to my children or my husband and would absolutely hate anyone tracking me.
Same here. It sounds very controlling to me.
Snoozer11 · 11/02/2022 23:33

@Landlubber2019 I am speechless.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:39

@Landlubber2019

Can you not just message and say "on my way, put the kettle on"? Why the need to track just to make a cup of tea? confused

I tracked my husband earlier to see what time he would be home, to reassure my DC who was sent home from school ill. DH was driving and so wouldn't answer calls or texts. Tracking was simpler!

If your DC is old enough to go home alone from school ill why do they need "reassuring" as to what time your DH will be home? Still seems weird to me, how on earth did people manage before tracking was a thing?
Bitofachinwag · 11/02/2022 23:44

Still seems weird to me, how on earth did people manage before tracking was a thing?
They learnt to look after themselves and take responsibility.

Hbh17 · 11/02/2022 23:46

Tracking is awful. It doesn't keep anybody "safe", and we all need autonomy & privacy. I trust my husband to live his life - often I have no idea where he is, and that is fine. If he ever wanted either of us to track the other, I think it would be grounds for divorce.

RedToothBrush · 11/02/2022 23:49

How does this 'keep people safe'?

I mean if something was going to happen to you, being tracked isn't going to stop it.

If you need to keep tabs on your kids that much because of their behaviour, i think you probably have bigger problems.

And does anyone think about who else might be able to use this, for not so great reasons?!

Madness.

Strugglingtodomybest · 12/02/2022 00:05

It doesn't keep people safe, it just eases anxiety. I would never do this, and the thought of DH doing it to me seriously weirds me out.

NewYearNewMinty · 12/02/2022 00:05

On the whole I agree with PP, but a couple of months ago DD17 went to London for the first time with a couple of friends (about 90 minutes train journey each way, although we've been together several times and she's great at getting round onto the Tube).

I suggested she enabled her Snapmaps just for the day but she downloaded Life360 instead and it's brilliant.

She had it on for a couple of weeks before switching it off and it's so handy I asked her to put it back on Blush.

I've absolutely no interest in tracking her from a mistrust pov and she knows that but she is so busy these days with college, work, driving lessons, gym and social life that I can't keep track of her schedule.

I probably look at it a couple of times a week..to check she's on her way back from somewhere so I know when to put the dinner on, or check where she is if I've forgotten she's going to gym or popping into her dad's after college.

I went on a date the other week and realised she'd been using the app to keep tabs on me Grin.

If she wants to switch it off in general that's fine, but it's handy to have at a time when she's doing a lot of things independently for the first time...it gives me reassurance without having to disturb or embarrass her.

DiddyHeck · 12/02/2022 00:06

@BitcherOfBlakiven

My DD is 13, we have the tracking on our iPhones. I didn’t know it existed until she told me, it seems she likes to watch me on my way home and try and guess how long I’ll be Grin I’ve not used it to track her, though. And wouldn’t unless she was late home, not answering her phone and I was worried.

With all the violence against women, it’s really on sensible to have the Find My Friend option ON.

With all the violence against women, it’s really on sensible to have the Find My Friend option ON.

Is it though? What happens when violent, controlling men find out their partner wasn't in the place they said they would be for whatever reason?

Raising girls to think being tracked is a sign of someone loving/caring for them, rather than controlling and spying on them is likely storing up lots of problems for the future.

GrandTheftWalrus · 12/02/2022 00:07

My exdh wanted me turn on my location as he didn't believe where I was going with work. I was away 10 days. By the end of the 10 days he was my exdh.

DiddyHeck · 12/02/2022 00:15

@GrandTheftWalrus

My exdh wanted me turn on my location as he didn't believe where I was going with work. I was away 10 days. By the end of the 10 days he was my exdh.
And this is what I mean by future Relationships threads. They're likely to be full of women either complaining their DPs insist on tracking them, or suspicious that their DPs have turned off tracking for a night etc.

A whole new level of red flags and anxiety for some, no matter how you look at it.

ANameChangeAgain · 12/02/2022 00:20

Some of the responses to these location apps are bonkers! We used life 360 in our home so we all know where each other is. Probably a little different to some because we have a rural lifestyle? The kids can and do switch and them on and off at will but very occasionally I will have a message from my dd, if she feels a bit unsure, to let me know she has switched hers on again as she wants me to know where she is. We live in different times and if we can use technology to feel and be safe, then why on earth not use it?

partytime50 · 12/02/2022 00:23

@Bitofachinwag

Still seems weird to me, how on earth did people manage before tracking was a thing? They learnt to look after themselves and take responsibility.

You mean us. Well assuming you're my age anyway. Remember those days when mobile phones didn't exist!! I survived. As did most of us. My parents didn't track me.

It's nothing to do with keeping the child safe and everything to do with an individual's neurosis.

GrandTheftWalrus · 12/02/2022 00:24

He had came to the pick up point for the coach with me. Saw me meet workmates etc yet when I was halfway there he told me to put on location as he didn't believe where I was going. I didn't put it on and told him to fuck off.

Other people won't be able to do that.

partytime50 · 12/02/2022 00:25

@Wondergirl100

I think there is a deeper issue here - we think it's totally innoccuous to track people we love because we just want to know they are safe. But when did we begin to feel anxious/ unsafe if we didn't constantly know where people were - ie. to the exact pinpoint on a map?

The more we rely on this stuff the less secure any of us will feel.

We are teaching teenagers that they are 'unsafe' all the time. It's interesting that someone mentions their daughter wanting to be tracked .
This links in to children not playing so freely and with autonomy as in previous generations - we are beginning to develop fearful minds and a belief that unless we are 'seen' and 'known ' every minute we are at risk

Think of the joy of being a growing teen - I remember it! - knowing that you are 'off grid' 'really hanging out with your mates in a new bubble your mum doesn't know exactly where you are and what you are doing - that is part of developing the independence that makes you a resilient and confident adult

When we say to teens - you are only safe if i know exactly where you are at all times (and I do wonder what 'safe' means here? kidnapping?! getting lost? ) - what are they internalising about their own capabilities to manage risk in the world.

I absolutely agree.

DiddyHeck · 12/02/2022 00:28

We live in different times and if we can use technology to feel and be safe, then why on earth not use it?

Because it's nearly always about the adults personal anxiety issues and that's not a fair thing to put upon your child. Kids shouldn't be raised to think that someone else tracking their movements is in any way normal because it isn't.

Worried about your kid? Send them a text or a quick phone call but don't raise them ( especially girls ) to believe tracking is a 'sign of love or concern'.

Raise them instead to expect others to manage their own anxiety.

DiddyHeck · 12/02/2022 00:31

@GrandTheftWalrus

He had came to the pick up point for the coach with me. Saw me meet workmates etc yet when I was halfway there he told me to put on location as he didn't believe where I was going. I didn't put it on and told him to fuck off.

Other people won't be able to do that.

Other people won't be able to do that.

Nope, especially if they've been raised to believe it's a 'normal' sign of love.

GrandTheftWalrus · 12/02/2022 00:40

@DiddyHeck he didn't seem to believe me about a lot of things. I went away to work at NYE and told him that our transport home wasn't available and we had to make our own way from a ferry, he turned up at the ferry port.

Cameleongirl · 12/02/2022 00:45

I’ve discussed tracking with my DD (16, nearly 17) and we’ve agreed that we won’t do it, unless she’s going on a long journey, for example, and she agrees to it. Some of her friends are constantly tracked and she finds it disturbing, as do they. It’s very Big Brother, tbh. These teenagers are responsible, as is DD, and they don’t need to be tracked.

I had autonomy back in the 1990’s and I want DD to have the same. I respect her and trust her to make good decisions.

mallees · 12/02/2022 01:02

If they don't collaborate you can't track them. They have to buy-in and have the app.

Cameleongirl · 12/02/2022 01:48

@mallees. If the parent is paying for the phone contract, though, they can put pressure on the teen to use the app. I’m not saying it’s wrong to track your children, it’s just not something I’m personally comfortable doing.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 04:34

I’m not their friend, I'm their parent.

Unless friends are tracking each other now that doesn’t even make sense.
No I would never track my kids. The way I see it you either trust them to go out without you or you don’t. I would have HATED to have been watched constantly as a teen, so why would I inflict that on my kids?