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AIBU?

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Original poster

Tracking teenagers

410 replies

glittergrrl · 11/02/2022 21:27

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

OP posts:
Bitofachinwag · 11/02/2022 22:50

@bebbdebb

I find it odd that some people who don't want to use a tracker care so much that other people do. Horses for courses.
Well, that's what the OP asked about, so I am replying.
ClareBlue · 11/02/2022 22:55

@Wherearemymarbles

Wow it seems those anti trackers are far more angry and uptight than those that who couldn't care less about tracking

Ffs each to their own.

To be fair, it's a discussion on how people see this as per the OP. Everyone has their own view but obviously it's down to your own family dynamics. We have a son currently traveling Europe since last November and we never track and never have. WhatsApp every evening and when he is on trains etc but never track. But I found out last week he shares tracking with his sister in Germany and another sister in Ireland, so they obviously don't see it as an issue. Everyone sees this differently
honeylulu · 11/02/2022 22:56

I'm pleasantly surprised as I'd thought MN was very pro tracking.

If my teen (nearly 17) is going to be out late he agrees to have his tracking turned on. However I have never checked because he is always back when we have agreed or calls if there is a change of plan. It's more for emergency type situations or if he doesn't turn up I've got an idea where he is or has been. (Only one emergency so far and he called me before I needed to think about looking at the tracker. )

I think teens need privacy and to do a bit of getting up to stuff their parents wouldn't want to know about. I had very strict parents and the only thing that made my teenage years bearable was making respectable sounding excuses to escape and get up to no good!

Theluggage15 · 11/02/2022 22:56

Weird but then some parents are weird and controlling .

I don’t think people do care about what other people do but that was the whole point of the OP’s question which is why people replied! If people want to be weird with their kids that’s up to them.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 11/02/2022 22:56

Ok, what I meant was if he doesn't come home at all! If he has been kidnapped/in an accident/other thing that could happen on the way home. Then you would assume he was still at school and safe. So in that situation tracking would actually make him less safe as you would assume he was safe and not go out looking dor him/phone his friend etc.

No, if he didn't come home I'd be sending him a text or ringing asking where he is. I wouldn't be assuming the tracking app was switched on.
It's a back up, for both me and them. I don't use it to spy on them or to try and catch them out. If I were worried for their safety I wouldn't rely on it and assume they were safe I'd ring them.

Poppinjay · 11/02/2022 22:57

We share locations as a family.

It's on all the time but we rarely use it so I wouldn't say we are tracking each other. Occasionally, if adult DD1 is out on a horse and taking longer than I expected, I'll check on her location to see if she's moving.

We occasionally look to see if DH has gone through the nearest town if we want him to pick something up on the way home. If she's static in a field, at least I know where to find her. This has only happened once but it was helpful.

We occasionally check how close someone in the family is to home when working out when to start cooking dinner.

None of it feels toxic, controlling or like we're being tracked. It just feels like a quick way to find out where someone is if that's helpful. If one of us wanted to go off radar, they could turn off their location sharing and the rest of us would be very unlikely to notice or they would assume no signal.

However, I also understand that normalising this makes it easier for coervice controllers to argue that tracking their victims is reasonable.

scaredsadandstuck · 11/02/2022 22:57

@Bitofachinwag I never do that. I can't see why I would. Did your parents do that to you growing up?

You literally never ever text your kids to ask them where they are? Never?

I'm old so my parents could not have texted me. However, I was expected to tell them where I was going and when I would be home, and stick to it. That was very common as I recall. If I'd have been found to be lying I would have been in trouble.

I now do have the technology to see where my teen is and/or send them a message, occasionally, to ask where they are. Not obsessively, not every 5 seconds/minutes or even hours. But if I need to know where my 13 year old child is, I will text or check the tracking app. Is that really weird?

christmaskittenincoming · 11/02/2022 22:58

Seen a few of these threads and my favourite reason given for stalking significant other is 'I know when to put the dinner on' Hmm

DiddyHeck · 11/02/2022 23:00

We occasionally look to see if DH has gone through the nearest town if we want him to pick something up on the way home.

But in order to ask him to do that you'd have to message him anyway wouldn't you? So why bother tracking him?

RagzRebooted · 11/02/2022 23:01

I set up Life360 after DD and her friend (age 11) were very briefly 'missing' (they weren't, they were at friend's house and no one was answering phones, I thought they were in the park) and several people suggested it. We all ditched it after a few weeks. It was annoying with notifications and made you keep location on (obviously) which uses battery. DS1 (15) and DH didn't want it, so only DS2(14) and DD and I got it but it wasn't worth the hassle.

I don't really feel the need to track them day to day, I only got it because so many other parents seem to find it essential. I'm a sucker for a new app/function but tracking is not required for our day to day lives.

SpikeySmooth · 11/02/2022 23:01

@scaredsadandstuck

And those that don't track, how often do you message or call to check where they are? Do you see that as different?
DD texts everytime she goes somewhere new. Today she was out with friends in Central London, so she texted me each time the group decided to get on the Tube to go to another area. She ended up.at a mate's house, and texted us to ask if we could go and pick her up (it was dark). We know where the house is. We answer every text.

I grew up in an age before mobile phones and as teens we used phone cards and pagers to communicate. Our parents just had to trust. I try to as well.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 11/02/2022 23:01

I don’t and never have. Ds’s aged 19 and 15. I don’t even know if they have it on their phones? I know Snapchat has maps but no idea if I / they have it enabled. (I only use it rarely).

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:01

@christmaskittenincoming

Seen a few of these threads and my favourite reason given for stalking significant other is 'I know when to put the dinner on' Hmm
Yeah, I don't get that at all. Surely you just send a text message "I'm on my way." Does dinner need to be on the table the minute they get home? Confused
Bitofachinwag · 11/02/2022 23:02

[quote scaredsadandstuck]**@Bitofachinwag* I never do that. I can't see why I would. Did your parents do that to you growing up?*

You literally never ever text your kids to ask them where they are? Never?

I'm old so my parents could not have texted me. However, I was expected to tell them where I was going and when I would be home, and stick to it. That was very common as I recall. If I'd have been found to be lying I would have been in trouble.

I now do have the technology to see where my teen is and/or send them a message, occasionally, to ask where they are. Not obsessively, not every 5 seconds/minutes or even hours. But if I need to know where my 13 year old child is, I will text or check the tracking app. Is that really weird?[/quote]
No I don't. They tell me where they are going before they leave the house. They phone if their plans change.

DiddyHeck · 11/02/2022 23:03

But if I need to know where my 13 year old child is, I will text or check the tracking app. Is that really weird?

Asking where they are is not weird. Insisting they have an app so you can track them is an invasion of privacy.

Theluggage15 · 11/02/2022 23:03

Ugh yes, hadn’t thought of what PPs are saying, normalising being tracked is not a healthy thing to be teaching youngsters.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:05

My DD is 13, we have the tracking on our iPhones. I didn’t know it existed until she told me, it seems she likes to watch me on my way home and try and guess how long I’ll be Grin I’ve not used it to track her, though. And wouldn’t unless she was late home, not answering her phone and I was worried.

With all the violence against women, it’s really on sensible to have the Find My Friend option ON.

Notoironing · 11/02/2022 23:06

I haven’t read the full thread but I track my husband and he tracks me, it’s just useful to know when he’s likely to be home so I can put the kettle on and I also like it if I walk in and he’s made me a cup of tea!

Bitofachinwag · 11/02/2022 23:08

@Savingpeoplehuntingthings

Ok, what I meant was if he doesn't come home at all! If he has been kidnapped/in an accident/other thing that could happen on the way home. Then you would assume he was still at school and safe. So in that situation tracking would actually make him less safe as you would assume he was safe and not go out looking dor him/phone his friend etc.

No, if he didn't come home I'd be sending him a text or ringing asking where he is. I wouldn't be assuming the tracking app was switched on.
It's a back up, for both me and them. I don't use it to spy on them or to try and catch them out. If I were worried for their safety I wouldn't rely on it and assume they were safe I'd ring them.

Ok, but in a previous post you said:

Mine know it's for their safety, I track them only when I'm worried they're not home when they should be or if they've managed to lose their phone

NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 11/02/2022 23:08

@Theluggage15

Ugh yes, hadn’t thought of what PPs are saying, normalising being tracked is not a healthy thing to be teaching youngsters.
Umm, some youngsters are teaching their parents how to track.
ClareBlue · 11/02/2022 23:09

@Poppinjay
I see the out on a horse benefit as someone who fell off on the Yorkshire moars as a teen and got stuck in a bog, also thinking about lone workers and farm machinery where they have an accident.
Probably using the word tracking makes it seem a bit sinister when there are positive benefits.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:10

@NoneOfYour32Potatoes Yep, mine did. I’m 35 and feel like a dinosaur when it comes to tech compared to what DD knows.

I did quote Mean Girls at her - “Why are you so obsessed with me?!”

Waxonwaxoff0 · 11/02/2022 23:12

@Notoironing

I haven’t read the full thread but I track my husband and he tracks me, it’s just useful to know when he’s likely to be home so I can put the kettle on and I also like it if I walk in and he’s made me a cup of tea!
Can you not just message and say "on my way, put the kettle on"? Why the need to track just to make a cup of tea? Confused
Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 11/02/2022 23:15

*Ok, but in a previous post you said:

Mine know it's for their safety, I track them only when I'm worried they're not home when they should be or if they've managed to lose their phone*

Absolutely yes. Example I gave about Ds leaving his phone at school and of dd being out and not quite knowing how to get home makes this clear.

Landlubber2019 · 11/02/2022 23:21

Can you not just message and say "on my way, put the kettle on"? Why the need to track just to make a cup of tea? confused

I tracked my husband earlier to see what time he would be home, to reassure my DC who was sent home from school ill. DH was driving and so wouldn't answer calls or texts. Tracking was simpler!