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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tracking teenagers

410 replies

glittergrrl · 11/02/2022 21:27

Am I the only person not doing this or to find this really odd ?

OP posts:
BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 19:43

Whats the issue as long as all parties are ok with it?

There's countless posts on here answering this question.

sammylady37 · 13/02/2022 21:26

@minionsrule

Whats the issue as long as all parties are ok with it? We all have it turned on, ds is 16 and doesn't care. I honestly have never tracked him but if he goes off to a party and is very late without getting in touch I at least can see where his phone is and if really worried could go out to find him in the extreme.
You could go and find his phone but whether or not he’d be there too is anyone’s guess.
NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/02/2022 21:39

@Fedupsotired

To be honest we need find my iPhone for when they leave their phone in random places 🙄🤣
That functionality is also sensitive enough to be able to tell that a student is in the safeguarding office.
Bouledeneige · 13/02/2022 22:43

My DD and DS both thought it was really awful and controlling that parents tracked the movements of friends of theirs. It is wholly different to seeing where your mates are. I just asked my kids to text me when they were heading home. They appreciated the fact I trusted them.

It really doesn't keep them safe. If something bad was happening to them you wouldn't know - it would only help tracing their last known spot if they went missing.

My DD let me see where she was when she was in an Uber one evening crossing from one side of London to the other after clubbing (she was 19). It caused me more anxiety as the phone ran out of juice along the way. I couldn't work out why she'd stopped for ages in one location. She got home safe and sound in due course.

SpikeySmooth · 13/02/2022 23:13

One further point to add to my last post: if my parents had dementia or other vulnerabilities I would consider putting a tracker on them, similarly if my child had SEN. There is good reasons to use them.

Jeyesfluid · 14/02/2022 00:22

It really doesn't keep them safe. If something bad was happening to them you wouldn't know - it would only help tracing their last known spot if they went missing.

Yes of course. But surely more helpful than having no idea of their last known spot. At least then you have something to work with...

Siameasy · 14/02/2022 01:00

It might help you find the body quicker I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️
I would not have wanted my mum tracking me to the Electric Ballroom in Camden when I was meant to be at my friend’s house aged 15…it would’ve caused a lot of resentment. I will never use this on anyone

Fedupsotired · 14/02/2022 06:29

@NeverDropYourMooncup is it? When we look at it it never gives us a 100% accurate reading just the area! It's no where near specific enough for that!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/02/2022 10:32

[quote Fedupsotired]@NeverDropYourMooncup is it? When we look at it it never gives us a 100% accurate reading just the area! It's no where near specific enough for that! [/quote]
I left mine at work one day years ago and wasn't sure if it had been lost, stolen or lost and then stolen.

I could zoom in to the precise room and from the position of the signal, tell that it had slid sideways out of my bag to the right rather than the left.

Jeyesfluid · 14/02/2022 10:35

@Siameasy

It might help you find the body quicker I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would not have wanted my mum tracking me to the Electric Ballroom in Camden when I was meant to be at my friend’s house aged 15…it would’ve caused a lot of resentment. I will never use this on anyone
I'd like to think it might help before it got to that stage. 🤨

But you do you.

26dX · 14/02/2022 10:43

Tbh I'm 26 and my mum, dad and sister (30) all share our location on find my iPhone 😂😂😂

Me and my partner also as I worry because he travels everyday on the motorway for work.

No big deal we don't really care tbh I like to know everyone is ok and I'm nosey sometimes 🤷🏽‍♀️😂 ..

Fedupsotired · 14/02/2022 14:20

@NeverDropYourMooncup wow that doesn't happen with ours, one time it was in the next door shop, if we loose it in the house we know it's here but not exactly where. Maybe we've dodgy signal 🤷🏼‍♀️

bhooks · 14/02/2022 20:13

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

My husband could sit and monitor my run 🤣 but he's not a dick so he doesn't.

But this is such an important point that many people are missing.

Your husband might be a good person but what if you've taught your kids that it's okay to be tracked and their partner is a dick who tracks their every move?

And what if your child decides to change loops or stop for a coffee and isn't home when they say, and their partner assumes they're lying or cheating and starts an argument or worse?

Just because you use it for nice, wholesome reasons doesn't mean everyone does so it shouldn't be something we teach our children is normal.

But the technology is there. It's not going anywhere. Acting like the technology doesn't exist change the fact it does! just ensure children don't grow up knowing what healthy boundaries are for using the technology.

Kids need to learn how to use all kids of technology in a healthy, boundaries way. One of the best ways children learn is from behaviour modelled around them/at home. I don't see why find/track phone technology is any different.

I don't see it as any different from whether we show our kids how to use a phone without harassing someone with hundreds of messages. Or maybe we shouldn't use mobile phone technology because some people use it as a tool of abuse? Abusers and controllers will always find ways to abuse and control - it's the person who is the problem, not the technology. And that is a really, really vital for children to fully understand.

bebbdebb · 14/02/2022 21:33

Your husband might be a good person but what if you've taught your kids that it's okay to be tracked and their partner is a dick who tracks their every move?

That's boloney. They're happy to be tracked by people they trust, not by dickheads. They know how to turn it off in a heartbeat.

I don't let any apps know my location, apart from the tracker app we use as a family. We trust each other to use it sensibly and reasonably and it has been very useful in many different scenarios.

BuddhaForMary · 14/02/2022 21:40

The point is @bebbdebb they wouldn't KNOW this partner was a dickhead straight away. It doesn't work like that, otherwise there wouldn't be countless women on here saying their once lovely partner turned out to be controlling/abusive/etc. If they'd started out like that they wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes.

bebbdebb · 14/02/2022 22:04

@BuddhaForMary

The point is *@bebbdebb* they wouldn't KNOW this partner was a dickhead straight away. It doesn't work like that, otherwise there wouldn't be countless women on here saying their once lovely partner turned out to be controlling/abusive/etc. If they'd started out like that they wouldn't have lasted 2 minutes.
They're not going to let themselves be tracked by someone they barely know. As soon as a dickhead shows their true colours, with or without an app, they'll be off.

People who are vulnerable to manipulation by dickheads are going to be exploited whether or not a tracking app is involved. It's the dickhead that's the problem, not the app.

BuddhaForMary · 15/02/2022 07:31

They're not going to let themselves be tracked by someone they barely know. As soon as a dickhead shows their true colours, with or without an app, they'll be off.

I think you missed the point.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2022 07:37

They're not going to let themselves be tracked by someone they barely know. As soon as a dickhead shows their true colours, with or without an app, they'll be off.

How do you know that, though? Abuse doesn't just start one day - it creeps up on you and by the time you realise the extent of it, you're in too deep. If it was that easy to leave an abusive relationship, they'd not exist.

People who are vulnerable to manipulation by dickheads are going to be exploited whether or not a tracking app is involved. It's the dickhead that's the problem, not the app.

Of course - but things like tracking apps just enable poor behaviour and if someone thinks being tracked is normal (because their parents have always done it) they may not realise how dangerous it can be until it's too late.

RedToothBrush · 15/02/2022 07:54

People who are vulnerable to manipulation by dickheads are going to be exploited whether or not a tracking app is involved. It's the dickhead that's the problem, not the app.

First of all ANYONE is potentially vulnerable to manipulation. You can become worn down by years of someone trying to control you. A tracking app makes it easier for someone doing this, and harder for someone to escape it. It alters power dynamics in a relationship and makes uneven ones even more unequal in a faster and perhaps more all incompassing way.

Authoritarian tools are good for authoritarians. They are not good for freedom.

NoneOfYour32Potatoes · 15/02/2022 09:39

Authoritarian tools are good for authoritarians. They are not good for freedom.

You mean tools for propaganda? Such as radio, the media, and television? They are the most widely used tech for authoritarian regimes and/ or controlling influence.

China bans software such as Facebook due to the possibility of subversive ideologies, (and for other reasons) you’d think they’d allow it and use the data mining as a way to control / influence their population but that type of influence is probably far too subtle. I wouldn’t know for sure, just a guess.

And Facebook / YouTube / Podcasts have probably been far more pervasive in terms of disseminating authoritarian ideology than geo-tracking. As well as useful for anti-authoritarian ideologies to have access to social platforms.

I think the UK is the most viewed (CCTV) country in the world (could be wrong) - this is surveillance, and could be used to argue that it is authoritarian. However the CCTV is primarily used for our safety. Such Surveillance in the wrong hands is a tool for oppression. It depends on who is using the tech, not the tech itself.

For our young people, it is probably most helpful that they have good critical thinking skills to assess tech tools and how they are being used, to understand how they influence us, not just outright dismiss a tech tool as a tool of authoritarian repression because they can’t think beyond the simple concepts of of bad vs good.

Understanding authoritarianism, freedom, propaganda, the influence of media, the spoon feeding mechanisms of algorithms on SM platforms, and being able to think critically about these tools in light of that understanding is vital for young people.

Understanding how tech can be used to influence our behaviour isn’t too difficult if a young person can think for themselves. It’s the thinking part that is difficult, what’s that saying, “some people would rather die than think, many do”. Developing meta-cognitive skills for young people to self-assess: “is this tech influencing or informing the way that I think? And does that influence align with who I am or who I want to be?” These meta-cognitive skills aren’t beyond the ability of young adults. Indeed, some young adults have led social and political rebellions with precisely that thinking.

Anyway, the argument is essentially that the personal is political, that allowing geo-tracking teaches submissive behaviour which could be exploited. I would think that submissive behaviour is far more insidiously learned in our society. They way to fight the ideologies of authoritarianism are through teaching the freedoms of thinking for oneself and understanding and thinking about the insidious nature of the pervasive negative influences that can inform our thinking.

JeyesFluid · 15/02/2022 09:45

Good post NoneOfYour32Potatoes

PADPlaces · 11/07/2022 10:35

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PADPlaces · 11/07/2022 11:11

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OopsAnotherOne · 11/07/2022 11:22

I'm 23 and still live with my parents. They have life 360 and track each other, just to see when they're on their way home from work to start dinner, or seeing whether they've made it somewhere safely. I was never made to join the app in any way but they asked me if I'd like to and I did. It gives me a bit of security knowing that if anything happened to me, they could track my phone. I know that they don't "check up" on me, but even if they did, I couldn't care less. I'm 23. It's up to me where I go and they know/appreciate that.

It's also been useful on several occasions where I've lost my phone.

My 20 year old brother is at university and he doesn't want the app as he finds it invasive, so he doesn't have it. I also know that there would be no issue or backlash if I decided to remove it from my phone. I know that it certainly isn't everyone's cups of tea but I have a fantastic relationship with my parents so there's no downside of them being able to see where I am, but quite a few convenient upsides.

Maybebabyno2 · 11/07/2022 13:48

planningtomakeaplan · 12/02/2022 09:02

@iCouldSleepForAYear

It didn't occur to me to track our just-turned-16 year old. I have her phone linked to mine to enforce downtime and share any subscriptions. But just checked our settings now because of this thread: her location sharing is off. No idea if she and her pals are using SnapMaps... hoping they can't be bothered.

I can definitely see the temptation to geo track. My 8 year old has just started walking to and from school with friends and is asking for more permission to roam the neighbourhood with them. And I don't want to give her a phone yet, because if I give her a smart phone, it really will be the only thing she'll pay attention to. She's too young and immature to have one yet. But then, that means letting her go straight to the library after school on her own feels like too high a risk: too many gaps in the day and journey to fill, should something go wrong. A tracking watch sounds like a great solution at first... unless she's not wearing it, and there's every chance she'd take it off and forget to put it back on.

I think I would rather teach both girls to communicate with me. Text me when you've arrived. Text me when you're on the bus. Call me if you're running late; do not make us worry. Charge your phone. Take a power pack with you if your battery might run low. Call me and have a long chat if you're walking around somewhere and feeling nervous. Tell me about the landmarks around you if you're lost; read the street signs, read the bus stop sign. Come home and ask me first if it's ok to go to the park with your pals. Learn to wear a normal watch and pay attention to the time. Be home when we've asked you to. Be savvy about your surroundings and the people you interact with.

Yes, that's all great and teaching your girls to be aware is great.

But you're making it sound as if an 8 year old can be expected protect themselves from predators if they have a sensible head. And this isn't true. They're only children. Yes, we can teach them not to go off with strangers willingly. But that doesn't stop them literally being snatched (as someone tried with me when I was 13). Or from being groomed by people they trust.

My DD is the same age and wanting more independence. I'm not at the point where I'll let her be out of the house on her own. But when I am, she'll have location on, on her phone. It's not foolproof, of course. But it's one thing that could be very helpful to help us find our children in an emergency.

Honestly, if they were snatched, the phone would be the first thing out the window. Better to stich air tags into their shoes if kidnap is the reason you are using it.

I get it, I too was nearly taken with a friend when we were around 12. A tracked phone would not have helped one bit, infact, I think it would have prevented people from worrying about us as the phones would likely have been dropped at the location we would have been taken (if we hadnt have run away) so people would assume we were safe.

An answered phone call / text? That would have had people start to worry.