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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Dimondsareforever · 11/02/2022 21:57

Congratulations op! And your friend is not a friend! I mean who on Earth expects to be the only person engaged at once?! Bridezilla!

FortniteBoysMum · 11/02/2022 21:57

Is she really a friend? Sounds selfish and like she doesn't want you to be happy. I would tell him to go for it whenever he decides to and that it is not about her.

WonderfulYou · 11/02/2022 21:57

Congratulations!!
Your ring is beautiful!!

Your friend is a twat! Please send her that photo and if she acts jealous then ditch her. Most friends would be really excited to help your DP pick plan the engagement.

I hope you get married before her just to piss her off even more.

theemmadilemma · 11/02/2022 21:57

@stuntbubbles

Oh, she’s escalated to full crazy quickly, hasn’t she? The wedding’s not till October, she needs to hold back some of the batshit, she’ll have nowhere left to go by March.
😂
SaySomethingMan · 11/02/2022 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for trollhunting. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

spotcheck · 11/02/2022 21:59

@Haus1234

Um if you think there’s any chance you are BU you need to have a serious think about your boundaries.
✅✅✅✅
Blueuggboots · 11/02/2022 21:59

Why on earth do you need her agreement or approval?! Tell her to jog on!!!

Winterflower84 · 11/02/2022 22:00

All of the above, plus she is a selfish, self-obsessed, self-absorbed idiot. How do you even tolerate such a person in your life. And call her a friend?

caranations · 11/02/2022 22:06

Whoopee!!! Congratulations to you both. Wine Wine

Haus1234 · 11/02/2022 22:06

Congratulations! Beautiful ring, lovely though behind it and your fiancé sounds like a total sweetheart. You also have such photogenic hands! (Apologies for weird complement)

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 11/02/2022 22:07

Congratulations!
If she's going to be this Bridezilla then you could book the ceremony for the same day as hers because she'll have pissed so many people off, they won't be going to hers.

TiredMummyZZZ · 11/02/2022 22:07

Congratulations! I love your ring!

BlondeWidow · 11/02/2022 22:09

@starfishmummy The 'D' in DF/DD/DS etc means 'Darling' not 'Dear' 🤣🤣🤣🤣

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/02/2022 22:10

Massive congratulations to you both! Grin

R0tational · 11/02/2022 22:13

Congrats Daffodil StarWine

billy1966 · 11/02/2022 22:13

Gorgeous ring and lovely update.

Wishing you both every happiness together.Flowers

PrincessPaws · 11/02/2022 22:17

Oh fucking hell, your wedding is your big day, not big year. She is being bloody ridiculous

PrincessPaws · 11/02/2022 22:19

Ah hadn't ready the full thread! Congrats OP 💐

Honeyroar · 11/02/2022 22:21

Brilliant! Congratulations, the ring is gorgeous.

Frannibananni · 11/02/2022 22:21

Find a new friend. She is nuts.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/02/2022 22:25

Dont "break" the news like its something to be ashamed of!!

Pop that photo onto your preferred SM with the caption of "Guess what happened tonight?!!"

VestaTilley · 11/02/2022 22:25

What? She’s a weirdo and very unreasonable.

Get engaged when YOU want to and get married when suits you. Congratulations.

Ditch your ludicrous friend.

FOJN · 11/02/2022 22:26

Congratulations 🍾🥂

BadBiscuits · 11/02/2022 22:26

This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever stumbled across on MN.

How old is this friend? She doesn’t sound mature enough to be getting married.

Do whatever you and your future husband want.

HashtagShitShop · 11/02/2022 22:27

@PyongyangKipperbang

Dont "break" the news like its something to be ashamed of!!

Pop that photo onto your preferred SM with the caption of "Guess what happened tonight?!!"

Goodness me, yes! And let her have a public meltdown with the crazy that everyone can see and enjoy :D You deserve to enjoy every last second - congratulations to both of you! (and 'friend' is no friend at all if she can't be HAPPY for you like she expects you to be for her!)