Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 11/02/2022 22:28

I think your DF has way too much input to yours and your DPs lives. Why on earth are either of you asking for her opinion?

FrangipaniBlue · 11/02/2022 22:28

@beesknees18

Literally shaking as I'm writing this so please excuse any mistakes but DP got home from work and I showed him your responses........He laughed, went out of the room for a moment

Came back in and got down on his knee and EeeeeEEEKKK!!!! I'm finally engaged! The ring is everything I'd wanted and he actually had it made using his grandmothers ring! Never ever expected that but omg is it even more special now!

I know it's crazy to announce this here but what a turn in events!?!!!! AaaAhhh!!!!!! I didn't even think he'd got as far as buying one let alone making it!

I'm going to enjoy the Prosecco tonight and leave it till next week to "break the news" to DF...eeeeeeeeeek!!

Beautiful!!
Seeingadistance · 11/02/2022 22:30

@notagainnotagain

You are all bonkers. Just agree to get married, go to buy a ring together if you want to, then get married. Why is your friend even involved?
This.

If you and your partner have decided you’re going to get married then you are already engaged. Just go shopping for a ring together and set a date for the wedding. Job done.

Seeingadistance · 11/02/2022 22:31

That’ll teach me to post before rtft!

Many congratulations, OP!

crazeelala2u · 11/02/2022 22:33

She isn't much of a friend is she?

lovemelongtime · 11/02/2022 22:35

What a fab story. Congratulations. And PS not that you need me to say, but you 100% did the right thing 🎉🥰

Cornishclio · 11/02/2022 22:36

Congratulations on your engagement.

shaneTwane · 11/02/2022 22:37

Congratulations op! I was going to say you are more insane than your crazy friend if you listened to her. Glad you didn't the ring is gorgeous.

Moomoo75 · 11/02/2022 22:40

For goodness sake live your life! Get engaged. Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend. Enjoy the process.

Moomoo75 · 11/02/2022 22:42

Oooops! Congratulations 😁

grapewine · 11/02/2022 22:42

That's a beautiful ring, all the more for the story. Enjoy the engagement and marriage ignore the dramatic 'friend'.

BlondeDogLady · 11/02/2022 22:44

I cant believe people like this exist and that others (you) put up with it. Fuck them off,

pheonixrebirth · 11/02/2022 22:47

I'm not even your friend but I'm so happy for you both. That has to be the best update I've ever seen on here.

And it should speak volumes to you that if a forum of complete strangers are happier for you than a life long friend then...........

In the meantime enjoy celebrating, set the date and get excited for 'your moment'!

mrsbitaly · 11/02/2022 22:47

It is really unfair your friend is behaving like this at a time she should be excited and supportive. To even behave like that to your partner who is asking her for advice is disgusting. I'm not even sure why you would be friends with someone like that. You are not being unreasonable at all do what you both want and what's best for your family

forrestgreen · 11/02/2022 22:47

Congratulations!!

Don't change any announcements based on her possible behaviour. You should do this the way you want.

May I suggest you don't spend any money on her wedding/hen do until she's calmed down...

Feedingthebirds1 · 11/02/2022 22:51

Congratulations, and the ring is beautiful - even more so for the story behind it, both the making of it and the way DP used it to propose. Please don't try to hide it, or tone it down, to batshit 'friend'.

I suspect that once she knows you've had the temerity to get engaged, AND have a ring, you will no longer be a bridesmaid, and quite possibly even be uninvited to the wedding. Regard that as a positive. I dread to think what she'll be like over a hen do, the table decorations for the reception, where she expects Great Aunt Gladys to sit...

2pinkginsplease · 11/02/2022 22:53

Congratulations!

Love the sentiment behind the ring.

Please make a huge announcement on social media ,don’t tell her before hand and then get married before her!

NewtoHolland · 11/02/2022 22:54

Ahh congratulations!! How lovely that he used his grandmother's ring too xx

Graphista · 11/02/2022 22:55

She's being a self obsessed dick!!

She's not the first Fucking person to get married nor will she be the last ffs!

Tell her to get a bloody grip, be a friend or sod off.

Meanwhile get engaged when it bloody suits you and dp!

Stop being so passive with this friend she's taking the piss!

Seriously though, this is NOT how a friend behaves

I agree if she's like this now she's gonna be a bloody nightmare by October!

Withdraw as bridesmaid - recipe for disaster I don't think the friendship will last till October

I'm willing to bet your entire relationship with her has always been her as the star and you as an extra - right?

as she has been a sister to me

How exactly?

I'll start painting my nails!Grin

My dd had a "friend" like this in the early years of high school. Grown ass adults behaving like this?! Bloody ridiculous!

Your update at 2128

BRILLIANT

Congratulations op WineThanks

Gorgeous ring

Penguinsmum · 11/02/2022 22:56

Your friend is absolutely pathetic!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 11/02/2022 22:56

Your friend is a twat.

JustJoinedRightNow · 11/02/2022 22:57

Congratulations OP!! It is beautiful!!

Chloemol · 11/02/2022 22:57

She’s nuts

Iloveacurry · 11/02/2022 23:00

Congratulations! What a beautiful ring.

You have to come back and let us know what BF says when you tell her. Please book your wedding before hers 😂

saleorbouy · 11/02/2022 23:05

So the everyone's else's world stops spinning until DF's married. Her DP's getting a very self centered bride, lucky fella!
Your friend needs to wise up!