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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Phrowzunn · 11/02/2022 21:43

Aww this is the best update to a thread ever! So happy for you. For what it’s worth, SIL had my DBrother ‘suggest’ that my (now) DH and I not get engaged until after their wedding, we thought it was a bit odd at the time but 10 years later and OMG it was only the tip of the crazy iceberg. You wouldn’t believe some of the shit she has pulled since then. Unfortunately I can’t rid her completely from my life (I’d LOVE to) but you can definitely get rid of your ‘friend’ and I would suggest doing so asap. Congratulations though!

YoComoManzanas · 11/02/2022 21:44

This is such screwed up thinking.
Within our friendship group everyone started getting married late 20s/early 30s. One year we attended 7 weddings within our friendship group and 5 wedding the year before. Imagine if we had all had to give each other a year's grace period. Utterly bonkers.

Cameleongirl · 11/02/2022 21:45

Ahhh, I totally missed that you’ve just got engaged, congratulations!! 🎉

MiniatureHotdog · 11/02/2022 21:46

Congratulations!!

Susu49 · 11/02/2022 21:46

That's so wonderful! Congratulations!! Star

Juniper68 · 11/02/2022 21:47

Great news 🎉🥂💍

Have you announced it on SM yet? Grin

YoComoManzanas · 11/02/2022 21:47

Just spotted your update. Congratulations!

MimiDaisy11 · 11/02/2022 21:48

Congratulations 🥳
Your friend sounds mad.

Fayekrista · 11/02/2022 21:49

I'd get engaged & pregnant & announce it on her wedding day 🤣
I'm joking, before the MN army come at me for suggesting you bring life into the world over this lol

NumberTheory · 11/02/2022 21:50

Congratulations! 🥂

CushionSpiral · 11/02/2022 21:50

As congratulations and I’m glad he proposed there and then and spontaneous. It doesn’t have to be some pre planned thing when you know what you want. Lovely ring!

P.s. your friend is batshit.

Starlightstarbright1 · 11/02/2022 21:51

Aww congratulations 👏

Ohdofuckofdear · 11/02/2022 21:51

Awwww Congratulations, your ring is beautiful.FlowersWine

peboh · 11/02/2022 21:52

Your friend is being pathetic!

Congratulations! Now forget friend and go celebrate your engagement ❤️

LatteLady · 11/02/2022 21:52

Fabulous ring, lovely, sensitive chap... Congratulations OP.

I suggest you say nothing to your friend and leave her to notice the ring... and when she asks, just say, "Well you told me not to mention it!"

Puffalicious · 11/02/2022 21:52

Wonderful news.

To give you hope: my BF was shades of a Bridezilla. She was clearly not chuffed that my DH proposed before her wedding (December when her wedding was April). It wasn't until after the event that I clicked, really. She had been engaged for 18 months FGS.

She married in April (huge, traditional wedding, I was BM) us in July (abroad, no-one else there, just the way we wanted it. Party on our return) and i truly think she was pissed off it was in the same year!!!

She, thankfully, returned to completely normal soon after. We're still very close 20 years later.

cuno · 11/02/2022 21:53

Congratulations OP! Lovely news

Mumdiva99 · 11/02/2022 21:54

Well that escalated quickly. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Don't wait to tell your friend.....you need a great big social media announcement!!!

NannyKrampus · 11/02/2022 21:55

Your friend is not a true friend. Tell her she isn't a fucking princess and stop being such a tw*t!

PriamFarrl · 11/02/2022 21:55

Lovely news.
Now get pregnant and go into labour during her vows.

AnnaK163 · 11/02/2022 21:55

Why are you friends with that fucking idiot? Seriously, that's a frenemy.

NannyKrampus · 11/02/2022 21:55

PS: Beautiful ring and congratulations!

CPL593H · 11/02/2022 21:55

Congratulations, lovely ring, ignore Potty Lady!

GAHgamel · 11/02/2022 21:56

@YoComoManzanas

This is such screwed up thinking. Within our friendship group everyone started getting married late 20s/early 30s. One year we attended 7 weddings within our friendship group and 5 wedding the year before. Imagine if we had all had to give each other a year's grace period. Utterly bonkers.
My lot weren't quite that bad, but I'm pretty sure that we had 4 in one year.

Congratulations OP, that's a lovely idea for the ring, and nicely executed. I hope you'll both be very happy together, and your friend develops a sense of proportion sooner rather than later.

Aloha7373 · 11/02/2022 21:56

Your friend sucks but your ring is BEAUTIFUL and I love that your partner (ahem, fiancé) picked this moment hahaha! Congrats x