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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
CristinaYangismySpiritAnimal · 11/02/2022 21:34

I’d suggest your DP proposes at their wedding.

ABitOfAShitShow · 11/02/2022 21:34

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats

Text her ‘I’ve thought about everything you’ve said and we’ve decided we’d like to honour your wedding in the deepest way possible. DP is planning to propose at the first dance! It’ll be two special moments together. Exciting or what!’

Turn your phone off. Go out.

Do this too! 💃🏼
Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 21:34

Just read update congratulations!!

newusername2009 · 11/02/2022 21:35

Congratulations

PanickedE · 11/02/2022 21:35

Let us know what your friend says when you tell her!!

So glad you both ignored her demands

Arnia · 11/02/2022 21:35

Jesus Christ 😂 I can't believe you're evening questioning yourself here! Your friend is a nutjob OP, go ahead and get engaged and if she says anither word of her nonsense tell her she's being an utter drama queen and tell her she's going to look back on this in a few years and cringe at her behaviour. If she can't be happy for you then she's not a real friend.

JudgeJ · 11/02/2022 21:35

@Luzina

Your friend is being ridiculous
Isn't she just! How tempting it must be to get married the week before she does to let her know that she isn't the centre of the universe.
Bourbanbiscuit · 11/02/2022 21:36

Beautiful ring, congratulations, enjoy every moment and let no one spoil a moment x

caringcarer · 11/02/2022 21:36

I have never heard of anything so rediculous in my life. It is none of her business when your partner proposes to you. She cannot dictate your life. Go ahead and take no notice of her. I would not want to be friends with a person like her tbh.

Arnia · 11/02/2022 21:37

Just saw the update! Huge congrats Flowers

GrandTheftWalrus · 11/02/2022 21:37

Aww congrats op! Please let us know what the df will say!

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 11/02/2022 21:38

Congratulations!

ABitOfAShitShow · 11/02/2022 21:39

Aww! That’s so lovely. Particularly glad that he didn’t give a shit what your friend thought!

Congrats Bees and Mr Bees! Wishing you a lifetime of happiness together. 🥳

Jennylou88 · 11/02/2022 21:39

Congratulations!!! The ring is beautiful 🥰🥰

2DogsOnMySofa · 11/02/2022 21:40

Congratulations op Thanks such lovely news

timeisnotaline · 11/02/2022 21:40

Aww that’s lovely! Enjoy your engagement and wedding op, don’t let bridezilla one way friend spoil it for you!

Sofiegiraffe · 11/02/2022 21:40

she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

😂😂😂

saraclara · 11/02/2022 21:41

Yay! I really wasn't expecting that!

Your friend has an ego the size of a large planet. And is a massive control freak to boot. Well done to your partner for listening to us all!

Seriously, if she dumps you as a friend over this, she is no loss. And any mutual friends of yours will think she's nuts if she does, so you needn't have any worries in that regard.

Congratulations!

ThirdElephant · 11/02/2022 21:41

Awwww, congratulations!!! Smile

Pegasussnail · 11/02/2022 21:42

I love the ring and the fact he designed it and used a meaningful ring. What a sweetheart he is

So many congratulations xxx

Ohyesiam · 11/02/2022 21:42

She is properly mad, and I have to say you and your partner aren’t far behind, because you are listening to her and involving her.
Stand back and get some perspective. Why would you pander to this?

Sorry this has come out harsher than I meant, but please take a look at yourselves

BootsScootsAndToots · 11/02/2022 21:42

Congratulations! One of the best updates from an OP I've seen on MN 🙂

TragicMuse · 11/02/2022 21:43

Congratulations!

I don't think I'd be making an announcement to her, I'd just wait till she noticed the ring, and then when she went off on one I'd say 'oh my GOD! You're serious? How does this affect you in any way? Why on Earth did you ever think you could get to dictate what other people do?'

Stand up for your right to do whatever you want in your own life!

Cameleongirl · 11/02/2022 21:43

Her behaviour is pathetic, friends should celebrate each other’s good news. It’s not all about her. I’ve been delighted when my friends got engaged, it’s nothing to do with my personal timeline. Prepare for her to be a bridezilla about her wedding…don’t agree to be MOH or a chief bridesmaid, there’s going to be drama.😂

Blossombouquet · 11/02/2022 21:43

Your “friend” is fucking batshit.

We’re looking to book a date for our wedding. I was worried it might be the on the same day as her DC’s birthday (due this year).

She didn’t bat an eyelid & literally said “it can be their birthday the day after.”

On the off chance the dates do clash we’re having birthday cake at our wedding 👍