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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
Diverseopinions · 12/02/2022 03:24

If this doesn't get in the newspapers......this is ridiculous, the worst example yet. What's going to happen when kids come along..."I got married first, so you're not allowed to have kids yet" or, "How dare yours be potty trained. They must continue to wear nappy when at my house".

1forAll74 · 12/02/2022 03:24

Does this so called friend, spend her life making stupid odd ball comments like this? very very weird.

LunaMuffinTop · 12/02/2022 04:16

Congratulations 🥳 🥂🍾🎊 OP your ring is gorgeous.

RainbowMum11 · 12/02/2022 04:30

What fabulous news - congratulations xxx

Pluto90 · 12/02/2022 04:32

Congratulations 💍🍾

catwomando · 12/02/2022 05:11

Ooh, congratulations @beesknees18 You really do look like the bees knees in that beautiful ring (and such a lovely sentiment too).

Smashing Smile

kavalkada · 12/02/2022 05:24

That ring is beautiful. Congratulations, OP.
Ans september is the perfect month fot the wedding.

Patapouf · 12/02/2022 05:36

She's not dramatic she's being a spoiled cow and is stupid/selfish enough to think the world revolves around her.

She can't even be happy for you, that's no real friend.

Momijin · 12/02/2022 05:37

She's being cray cray

ThePoint678 · 12/02/2022 05:51

Congratulations!

BABAHOTEL · 12/02/2022 05:53

@HoldenCaulfieldismyhomeboy

She's a fecking froot loop!
This is the perfect answer

Congrats OP

GrandmasCat · 12/02/2022 05:58

There is enough space in the world and any friendship group for more than one engaged person.

What is ridiculous though is that after 8 years, to DC and “planing a proposal” you are getting other people to chose your engagement ring.

frameit · 12/02/2022 06:16

Congratulations!!!!!!! You're rung is beautiful and you absolutely deserve the same love, happiness and excitement your friend is experiencing by being engaged to be married.

You and your fiancé sound lovely, kind and caring level headed people. You're exactly right that friends should hype each other up and rather than your friend cutting you off from any conversation about you, because it's got to be all about her, she should love the fact you can both talk about wedding hopes and dreams together.

She is not being a good friend to you. Friends around similar age will find that over a period of a few years several will buy a house, have a child or become engaged around the same time. It's natural life stages and you cannot put your own life journey on hold because quite frank she is arguing like a petulant child wanting all the limelight and attention on her!!! I mean. Is she normally like that?!

If your friend is anything other that absolutely ecstatic for you both, you need to pull her up on it. In the same reasonable and level headed way you have approached this post. Nip it in the bud and move on.

Congratulations again, absolutely wonderful of your fiancé to have the ring made.

Billybagpuss · 12/02/2022 06:23

Congratulations this is the best thread to wake up to.

I hear Vegas is lovely this time of year.

Janeyem · 12/02/2022 06:35

Ahhhh! Congratulations!!! And if your friend can’t be happy for you then she’s defo not really a friend!

Nopeihavenoidea · 12/02/2022 06:42

Congratulations 🥂. Let us know when the wedding is and what “df” says when she finds out

Ineedapuppy · 12/02/2022 06:44

Congratulations!! Beautiful ring, sounds like a lot of love and thought has gone into designing it & using late GM’s ring.

You’ve got a good one there OP. Cherish your big moment and if DF doesn’t then just ignore and carry on celebrating x

ddl1 · 12/02/2022 06:44

What business is it of your friend? She can take an interest in your engagement or not; but she certainly doesn't have the right to dictate to you or your partner about whether and when it happens. I must admit, when I first saw your thread title, I thought that DF meant your father; and even then I thought he must be incredibly old-fashioned and ridiculous about controlling you. But it's even more peculiar with a friend!

SweetPotatoDumpling · 12/02/2022 07:08

Ohhhh ♥️ I read all through drinking my coffee this morning, thinking, "PLEASE let him propose IMMEDIATELY!!!"

And HE DID!!!

So happy for you OP!!!

(Also...if you need a celebrant for any imminent elopement...you know, to get in there quick before October...hit me up!! I'd LOVE to help!)

Congratulations 🥳 💍

Seraphinesupport · 12/02/2022 07:12

so sweet! Definitely tell your DF .. then watch her anger up and tell her to do one then smile and be with the love of your life :D

custardbear · 12/02/2022 07:16

She's being a dick

Weenurse · 12/02/2022 07:16

Congratulations, that is a beautiful ring

rainbowstardrops · 12/02/2022 07:29

@Potterbore

Congratulations- what a beautiful ring! If your friend is a good friend then surely she will be just as pleased as we are (who don't know you). If her reaction is negative then that says everything you need to know. Best wishes!

Absolutely this ^

MrsTrumpton · 12/02/2022 07:38

This might be one of the best endings to a MN thread! Congratulations on getting engaged and well done to your fiance as that ring is beautiful. I am so glad people's responses made you see sense and that he acted upon it too. As for your "D"F, if she is a friend, she should ultimately be happy for you. If she isn't, who cares, you're engaged! Flowers

marpelier · 12/02/2022 07:42

Gorgeous ring. Glad you guys are all set!!