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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DF won't approve engagement...

454 replies

beesknees18 · 11/02/2022 20:01

Hi all

Bit of a back story - DF and I have been friends for 15 years. Two years ago her DP proposed to her after 1.5 years together - due to get married this October.

My DP and I have been together 8 years and have 2DC together, and have recently started discussing our engagement (no proposal yet, but things have been put on hold due to babies/careers/money).

I approached DF and said how DP has started asking me for ring ideas, and we were going to view some rings, just so DP got an idea of things that I didn't like and did like.

DF said she didn't want to hear about it until after she was married.

DP approached her recently and explained that he found a ring he thinks I'd love and wanted her opinion - DF refused to look at it and told him he needs to wait until she's married before even considering one. He then asked her what about December, as that's our anniversary month, and she told him she'd prefer it if there was a "cool down" period after her wedding.

DP has reluctantly told me what's happened, but I'm glad he has as it's made me question whether she is crossing a line or I am. I haven't seen the ring (he's spoken to my sister who is, in her words, "saying yes for me😂).

AIBU for feeling like DF is being a bit dramatic thinking only she can be engaged at the moment? DP wanted to propose this month but won't now because of her reaction, even though it would be 8 months until she got married and a good 2 years before we did!

I would understand if I was engaged and actually planning my wedding a week after hers but it's purely the proposal DP had approached her over!

Or should I tell DP to wait to propose until January 2023 so that I'm definitely not treading on anyones toes!

Thanks all! Sorry if it's confusing!

OP posts:
DePfeffoff · 11/02/2022 23:06

I never understand this business about agreeing to get engaged anyway. Surely if you've decided to get married, you are engaged already?

VivX · 11/02/2022 23:07

Congratulations. Beautiful ring 🥰

DF is unfortunately several sandwiches short of a picnic. Not sure which is more hilarious - her weird self-entitled view that she should have monopoly on being engaged or the embarrassingly self-indulgent "cooling off period"

PinkButtercups · 11/02/2022 23:07

Oh piss that and her preciousness. I wouldn't hold back.

Why should you put your life on hold because she's getting married?

nonevernotever · 11/02/2022 23:10

I am so happy to read this update! Congratulations, and what a beautiful ring!

PinkButtercups · 11/02/2022 23:10

Oops. Should've read the update.

Congratulations! And give this to your friend from me 🖕🏻.

Houseofvelour · 11/02/2022 23:13

Congratulations!! 😍

TurdCrapley · 11/02/2022 23:19

Congratulations!😍it's a gorgeous ring too.

If your "friend" reacts in a negative way to your news, she's no friend. What a shame she has chosen to behave like this though, it would've been so lovely to be engaged together and get excited about being each other's bridesmaids etc.

buckeejit · 11/02/2022 23:19

Congratulations!

I hope you have a lovely wedding. Not sure about the friend but I'm loyal to a fault also & you know if this is a weird blip in your history or a bit of a pattern.

Good luck

Pbbananabagel · 11/02/2022 23:20

Your ring is gorgeous, congratulations! Screw your bridezilla-frenemy and have a wonderful engagement!

UnUdderOne · 11/02/2022 23:23

I hope you weren't planning to make her a bridesmaid, she would make your life He'll!

UnUdderOne · 11/02/2022 23:23

Or hell

Hawkins001 · 11/02/2022 23:24

Yes, erm, seems unusual behaviour

JaceLancs · 11/02/2022 23:24

Congratulations! Ignore your supposed friend and enjoy the moment

WeasilyPleased · 11/02/2022 23:25

So you're "allowed" to get engaged after her wedding? How about dp proposes at the reception? 😂

User310 · 11/02/2022 23:25

What the actual fu*k?! I cannot believe their are people who actually behave like your friend.

HoppingPavlova · 11/02/2022 23:26

Why do you need permission from a friendConfused, seriously, that’s beyond crazy.

Cameleongirl · 11/02/2022 23:26

@WeasilyPleased

So you're "allowed" to get engaged after her wedding? How about dp proposes at the reception? 😂
Hee, hee, that would've been classic! Perhaps the OP can suggest that to another couple. Grin
Lalliella · 11/02/2022 23:28

Gorgeous ring OP! Congratulations. I hope bridezilla DF isn’t on Mumsnet….

Jedsnewstar · 11/02/2022 23:32

Pissing myself at ‘cool down period’. She is taking bridezilla to a whole new level.

Redwinestillfine · 11/02/2022 23:33

Congratulations! Please get married first just to see the look on her face GrinFlowers

ladybugsandhugs · 11/02/2022 23:42

congratulations. now quick!! elope before her wedding!! ;)

BluebellsGreenbells · 11/02/2022 23:44

Wow! Congratulations

KateMcCallister · 11/02/2022 23:45

CONGRATULATIONS! Now to get married the day before her...

Joking aside, I'm so pleased for you op! 🥰

KitchenDancefloor · 11/02/2022 23:49

Bet she'll be interested in looking at the ring now- when it appears all over social
media.

Ah well she had the chance for an exclusive viewing and turned it down so she can't complain.

Huge congratulations on your engagement.

UnUdderOne · 11/02/2022 23:53

Thats fantastic, congratulations. Lovely ring!