Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

Whoever told you ADHD doesn't affect them academically is an idiot.

It doesn't affect intelligence but it hugely affects ability to learn.

DC has ADHD and has just got an EHCP which is no mean feat.....demonstrating how much it does affect learning.

STUDY STUDY STUDY !!!!!
GET GOOD GRADES !!!!!
DO BETTER !!!!!*

That’s what I heard my entire life. It made me physically ill. All I concentrated on was grades. I’d lie awake all night at age 11, 12, 13, just worrying about how I was doing in school and what marks I was going to take home.
As a result, I got excellent marks and hated every minute of school and university the rest of my school days.
@followthenoise don’t be like my mum.

Get your children assessed for ADHD/ ADD. Whoever told you it wouldn't affect academic performance knows nothing about factors influencing how children learn.

Also, turn off the class WhatsApp.

I haven’t RTFT but sounds like you are doing (almost) everything you can. I would cut down to 15 mins max per day of ‘formal’ learning as little and often is much better imo. You said you were playing games though in the 45 mins which is great. Like PP have said, I think you need more specific detail on areas for development. Let them strengthen their hands and bodies as this really helps writing. Talk about stories and books. Play word games in the car etc… get them to write for a real purpose. But also try to give them space and time just to be.

My little girl was like this in year 1. She is flourishing now in year 6 and is working at greater depth. What turned it round? Harry potter. She just loved it and found a love of reading. This means she reads widely. She has a twin sister and was a summer baby also which were factors in her being behind.

[quote followthenoise]@Bathsheba1878 that's lovely to hear. I don't even have ambitions for them - I just want them to be happy - and frankly have a job that they enjoy rather than my corporate rat race ! It's just so hard not to feel like you're not supporting them when others seem to breeze through ![/quote]
But you do have ambitions for them which is why you're pushing them to do more at home.

However what you're doing does sound enjoyable.... but are they really enjoying it?

Maybe you need to focus on one thing. So DS is sad about his reading level. Concentrate on that as that is affecting his esteem.

What does he struggle with in regards the reading? Does the text "move" about?

This is clearly child dependent. As I say, my year 1 is red book band band and this causes him not one iota of concern!

School have been v reassuring. He is part of a year group of children who have had no uninterrupted teaching ever.

Why would you want your child to measure their worth by book band at 6?!

@ConfusedParticle

for fucks sake theyre human beings not machines. let them grow imagination, play, creativity.

glad im not your kids.

Quite.

When did all this start to happen? - force-feeding children and taking away their childhoods.

To be honest this is how it got phrased often at my son's primary school,- not meeting expectations. End of year report comes along and Ta Da! expectations have been met! It is so that the teachers can say - yes we are doing the job and we have improved this batch of kids.

@Goawayangryman

ADHD not impacting academically?! Who the heckers told you that?? It also often coexists with other learning difficulties such as dyslexia.

Primaries can be really shit at screening for these sorts of things. My DD slipped through right till year 6 being told she needed to do more at home . Nope.

This. 100% this. ADHD can have a huge impact on learning and co-morbid conditions that run alongside it may also be having an impact. I'd recommend contacting your GP and getting on the pathway for an ADHD assessment (or go private if money allows, NHS waiting lists are huge at the moment) and go from there. My son also slipped through the net at school (but not with me, I always knew but school wouldn't back me up or help at all). He now has a list of diagnoses as long as your arm, still struggles massively and is still behind, but now is in a setting that supports him 100%.

The problem is the school.

You're paying £££ for an educational approach which is too rigid and pressured and doesn't meet your children's needs.

Move them to a different school. Your children only get one childhood - don't let the school ruin it for them.

I think some posters are being a bit hard on the OP tbh.

She isn't hot-housing her children or wanting them to be 'top' of the class or miss out on their childhood - she's worried because their school reports suggest that they are falling behind.

It honestly sound like the problem is the reports. If they are assessing children against end of year 'expectations' then of course most children won't be meeting them. It's also in the schools interest in terms of 'showing progress' that children aren't assessed as meeting end of year targets at this point of the academic year.

Additionally, it's quite handy for schools to panic parents a bit so that they enlist tutors, do more academics at home etc (not that OP has given any sort of indication that she's going to do this) which reflects well on the school in terms of pupil outcomes.

It's a private school. That changes things if it's the type that's about having kids pass their exams to prestigious schools. They want their kids ahead of expectations (especially if those expectations are National Curriculum ones) because there is pressure from parents to make sure their kids are ahead of state school peers.

I would be considering an assessment at a more gently paced school. They might do better long term and enjoy learning more if their confidence is built.

My kids are state educated and while my son was below expectations, I found it far too vague for my liking. Was he below now but likely to reach expectations by the end of the year ? Is he so far below now he won't even reach current school year's expectations even in a year's time ? I think you should find out what the expectations are. If it's trajectory for passing the exam to an elite school like St Paul's Girls then you just need a school that matches realistic expectations for your children

@followthenoise

Thanks it's definitely not always 45 minutes of sit down with a book every day, may be 20 mins with school work, then 15 mins game then 10 minutes reading.

Yes @inheritancetrack they schools are private. We didn't think DC1 would thrive in a large class and then it's hard not to give all your kids the same opportunity...

A private school I know near went from ages 4 to 18. It is considered to be an outstanding school with very very good gcse and A level results. I think it is often in the top 10 results in the country list.

However in the primary school section up to I think year 6 there is no homework.
As one teacher said to me when I visited with Dd it was along the lines of . We are here to teach your children. We have them for 6 hours per day and that is enough for them. If we can’t teach them what they need to know in those 6 hours then we aren’t doing our job.

Private schools hothouse children from very early on. They have to, to keep the grades high. Not good for a child with ADHD. DS had this and he was a nightmare in a large class, so you had the right idea, but it backfires when the children feel under so much pressure. DS(8) knows when we are playing and it involves school work, and is highly resistant.

Maybe a private tutor is the way to keep up with a high achieving class, but more expense and more pressure on the child. Bit of a no win situation at the moment.

I sometimes think this is the school playing the system. They send home the mid-year report saying 'working below expectation' and then - surprise, surprise, - the end of year report says 'working at expectation.' That way the school are able to say that a child has made progress. Same way the ones 'working at' are then 'working at greater depth'. It's a data game. And ignore class WhatsApp!

Personally think just too young to judge. My DS summer baby was in special needs group for reading and writing in year 3. Made me worry and panic that would always be behind but gradually improved and now predicted A* in English A level.

@Goawayangryman

ADHD not impacting academically?! Who the heckers told you that?? It also often coexists with other learning difficulties such as dyslexia.

Primaries can be really shit at screening for these sorts of things. My DD slipped through right till year 6 being told she needed to do more at home . Nope.

Exactly this!

My youngest leaving for uni in September.
In retrospect don't worry about teacher expectations too much. Dont start taking on the schools responsibility. Ensure they do their homework and leave it at that. All children level off and can eventually read and write equally well. They have done school hours and relaxing and family time to distress is more important. You can be as "sneaky" as you like, they' will be on to you.
Throughout my children's schooling, teacher predictions proved flakey. They have to put something in that report!
More important is confidence and resilience - not grades. Find fun physical activities that foster that. At mid high school they will have to choose what grades they want. It is not up to parents to set expectations. If they learn to take ownership you will be set for uni.
I wish I could confront junior school teachers on their "predictions and concerns" with actual outcomes 🤣
Do not let your young children go into high school set up with anxiety issues.
BTW, I disagree that Adhd does not influence school work. A different approach is needed at school and these children suffer holding it together at school. Both academically and socially. The last thing they need is extra pressure on top of homework. Tgey usually let it all out at home. Let them figure it all out - being on time, organisational skills, dealing with frustrations, working out how they learn best and social skills so they set up by the time they enter year 9.
Its a process, and your children are very very young. As a mum I just supported and loved and encouraged AND kept teachers and school expectations under control.
Don't get sucked in. My 3 all did well.
Your children will be fine. X

Does it matter if your child is on the yellow book band , ease off the pressure.

Have you had them checked for dyslexia? My elder fell behind dreadfully. With intensive and appropriate teaching, she was able to complete her education and go to uni; now holding down a proper job. She needed lots of help on the way but got there eventually.

Her brother, however, was just lazy. Took the removal of all parental support before he got off his arse and found a proper job. But now, he loves work!

I'm a teacher and a parent and just wanted to reassure you that things are not set in stone in ks1. Some children just take a little longer to be ready to learn. The standard is high. I went to a private school and, having kept my year 3 books, I can tell you with certainty I was not writing at the current ks1 expected standard but was not considered behind. Standards were not so high then.

Writing is the hardest one to tackle at home. I would focus on reading if they're struggling. Feel free to message me as early reading is my subject.

Teachers are under a lot of pressure to get the children to expected so they may not be the most reassuring voice.

Always use a child toilet seat under/on top of your loo seat, always make sure there is a step for the feet, that makes children feel secure, feet have to be flat. If children are clinging onto the side of the loo they tense up and loo becomes a scary place! What I said helps the core muscle relax and going to the toilet is much easier. It takes 15 minutes for the message from the brain to reach the bladder/bowel. Get the timing right. If you sit them on the loo too early they get bored and get off. If a child is constipated or finds it hard to wee, get them to blow gently on bubbles, blowing out gently relaxes the core muscle.

Whatever you do, do not allow your children to be labelled as not meeting expectations at an age when they should not have to be meeting any expectations. In many European countries formal education does not start until the children are 7 and able to sit still, concentrate and have adequately developed fine manual skills.
Consider taking your children. For an eye and hearing tests if you have not done that already- they may have problems hearing or seeing which children of young age can easily mask.
And speak to the class teacher and school senco and ask them to explain what they believe is the problem. 45 minutes of homework a day is cruel! Let them be children - they have many years of having to face the pressure of homework. Let them learn through play; have fun with stories and feel your unconditional love.
My son who had a speech impairment at the age of 3 and was told by the speech therapist at the first assessment that he was behind his chronological age (he was bored!) just got 8 grades 8 (including maths, triple science, Spanish), one grade 9 and 1 grade 7 in his GCSEs. He just needed a little more time. His very bright older brother who was able to read and write and the age of 3 was envious of his results. His early ease of learning led to laziness. He is now enjoying his second year of university. They all get there in the end- some just take a little longer!

Open mouthed at the responses on this thread. At 5 and 7 the key focus for your children should be on play, at school and at home. Please don't push homework on them, but do research ADHD because it will have various impacts on learning. Honestly, stop worrying about performance, ignore the pressure and play. Your children will thrive and you will stop stressing.