Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them.

I think you are very pushy. They’re tiny kids. Relax. Let me run and play

I haven't read all the posts so I may just be repeating stuff but please try not to worry. They're so little and we seem to expect an awful lot academically from such young children these days.
My daughter was a very slow starter at school. She didn't meet the expected standards in reception (she missed a third of it due to the pandemic!!) and again she was behind in year 1. Reading with her was painful because she just couldn't grasp it and maths made her cry. Like you, I struggled with this because I picked up reading very quickly and started reception able to read on my own.
She then discovered a love of football which wad completely unexpected because she's otherwise into disney and dressing up and painting her nails. Football has given her an unbelievable amount of confidence. Her coach is really into building the girls up to be brave and fearless and in turn her teacher had seen a huge improvement at school and she is now where she needs to be
I'm rambling now but I just wanted to say, go easy on them and yourself. Let them find what they're interested in. They might blossom suddenly and catch up or they might not and that's okay too! Maybe they'll be more sporty or artistic and excel in those areas.

45 mins of homework a day for a Yr 1 child?! Dear god why?

This was my son at age 7 and below and then we discovered Doodle Maths and English. It's been absolutely amazing and he chooses to go on it everyday. He earns stars which he can use to build a virtual robot and add and change bits by spending his earned stars. It explains how to do something so well and has incentives like summer challenges. If completed they send him a pin badge and certificate. They tailor to your child's abilities instead of age and work on strengths and weaknesses. By choice he is now on a 531 day streak!!
When he started his "Maths age" was 5.5 at 7 years old (children don't get to see this) now at age 9 years and 2 months his maths age is 10!

45 mins is a lot every night. At our private school it’s no more than 30 mins a night. my DC are year 6 and year 4. Regardless of when they finish. The best thing to do is hire a private tutor and do one or two hours a week. Over time this will make a massive difference. You might find yhei school is just a bit average in terms of only being bothered about the brightest and the naughtiest. Those summer born, polite and well mannnered get very little attention in class. Hence why we moved from state sector!

I would echo the pp in saying not to underestimate the ADHD. My DS1 has ADHD Type 2, and generally bobs just around c's and the odd b. Both my DH and I have master's degrees and my DH is a university lecturer. DS is definitely bright but the ADHD has far broader implications than you'd think. Executive Functioning, concentration, perseverance, attention to detail. He started Ritalin 2 years ago age 14, and did see some good improvements, but it's not a miracle cure. He has definitely improved as he's matured. I feel he won't come into his own until 3rd level, because he does far better on his 'special interest' subjects.

My eldest was slow to read so I followed a book called Toe by Toe with her at home. It took a while but she did catch up with her reading and is now reading several years ahead of her chronological age. Unfortunately she has never caught up with her maths and I’ve just had to accept that . I also completed Toe by toe with my son ( I didn’t wait to see if he was behind ). He’s always been more academically able and has never struggled with any school work. I’ve just had to accept that they are both very different.

Expectations of what??
Old school, out dated school academic abilities?
Do they report in if your dc are meeting the expectations of how happy they should be at this age?
How stress free they are? Are the concerned about dc experiencing stress or anxiety or low mood.
Why are schools this outdated that looks they look at is academics. Where is the holistic approach to life.🙄

I agree with earlier poster about you getting bad info about ADHD. Your kids probably need to decompress after a really difficult day in school. It's really important they have that time or their overloaded brains won't take anything in.
If I were you I would relax. I would also praise the he'll out of their achievements because it looks like school are not doing much good with that. Mental health is important as well.
My ds hasn't passed a test since his apgar. I'm beyond caring about anything but their happiness and safety now x

5 & 7??? Surely they cant be expected to do homework so young! And 45 mins seems ridiculous. Honestly, if you children are happy and generally in good health then you're winning at life as far as I'm concerned. Hell in some countries they dont even start school until 7 years old.
Mental wellbeing first. They will catch up on the rest eventually. I mean at 5 & 7 they're not exactly about to graduate from education.

Oh wow

I had this with my kids. This won’t help much. But it might. So hence I’m explaining

My eldest is now 9. She’s got ADHD. But she was massively failing in school. My youngest was 6 at the time.

Her confidence was so bad I eventually took her out of school and decided to home educate. I didn’t for so long because I was worried she’d fall even further behind. So when I took her out of school she was 2 years behind

With hard work. But mainly confidence building. At first she was so traumatised she’d just shout out any answer. As quick as possible. Because she felt she just needed to give any answer. Even if it was wrong. It took nearly a year to get her out of that habit. But with a huge amount of work. But mainly love and understanding. In 5 months. She’d caught up educationally.

Even now. We have a private tutor as I teach by national curriculum. Lots of hone Ed don’t. I worry she is getting behind. She’s never going to be a maths star. But she’s amazing at spelling and reading and the joys of hone Ed is to play to their strengths.

It’s been truly the most rewarding. Wonderful.
Privileged and just joyous 2 years now that I’ve ever had. We don’t spend one min apart and it’s brought us so close together. I’ve met other like minded souls. We spends days going to war exhibits. Or science museums. Or play parks.

I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to anyone!

@followthenoise

Good question *@Robostripes* I will ask, but just from why my DC say/ I see on Whatsapp they aren't at the level of others. DC2 is very sad he is the only one in his class still on yellow book band.

Yellow isn't too bad but it's also not average.

I never understand why big deals get made of bookbands when it's so off-putting to children and demoralising for a five year old to realise that because of this, they are some way below their peers!

Please don't feel like you're failing you're children! I could only wish some of the parents in my class supported their children the way you support yours.

But perhaps ask the class teachers where specifically they are below and look from there. Ask for extra stuff. Then divert your time. 10 minutes max on reading. Little and often, short bursts, or whilst you make breakfast in the morning..' oh it would be lovely if you could read to me whilst I make the breakfast.' Then again short bursts on homework activities 10-15 minutes a night, max if that.

You are more likely to be failing your children if you think that cognitive learning is the principle measure of a person. Send them to ballet ... help them find something kinetic or visual or music based that they are good at. I don't know how Beethoven did at school do you? But I know Jamie Oliver can only read for 20 mins and he is has sold more books than anyone.

*your... apologies!

They're 5 & 7 for heavens sake.

If they were 5yrs older (10 & 12) I might be more inclined to have a few concerns but for now, let them be kids!

This is the problem with many "normal" private schools tbh. Great for academic kids but can make those who are average feel like they're crap.

I would talk to their teachers and find out what their next steps are and how they will help them to achieve that, find out what interventions they are being given to help bring them up to age related and how you can help at home.
I am sure the teachers will be able to give you some accurate advice and ideas on how to push them in the specific things they are falling behind on (otherwise sometimes we can be doing 45 mins like you say and getting nowhere as it feels like!)

Are they independently reading lots? Terribly important to read lots, and discuss. Make sure you include non-fiction. 45 mins is not too much so long as it’s fun. Many kids would be over the moon with 45mins focussed attention from parents. When they do something well, make sure that you explain exactly what it was that they did well when you praise them. Keep doing what you’re doing and it will pay off. The schofield and sims workbooks are excellent.

Like everyone has said 45 mins a day is way hoo much. My kids also at private school and are same age as yours - the 5 year old has 3 pieces of homework to do all week (each piece takes about 15 mins). 8 year old has a homework book each night (maths, English, comprehension, verbal reasoning ) and this takes about 20 mins. If your school is concerned I am shocked their response is you should do more at home! This is ridiculous. They should be helping them in school. My eldest really struggled with reading. Had so much help at school and is now meeting expectations but they are still giving extra help / small group lessons with him as honestly they don’t want children at their school to just get to expected level but be encouraged to exceed.

Also if you are doing anything at home reading is absolutely key. If you don’t do anything else with them just encourage the reading. And then get some of those 10 min maths books.

A lot of children have fallen behind with Covid and lockdowns. Ask for specific feedback on what they can do to catch up. CGP books are good and there are online versions but the main thing to focus on is reading as the rest will come in time.
Under the new OFSTED EIF schools are failing because they are not evidencing how children are progressing against their own individual targets. Ousted now expect to see proper assessment of where the child is at and progress made against this and not the class as a whole, it is such a big change that schools that were outstanding are now failing.
The focus is on the 'no child left behind' agenda so they should be working with you to see what your children need and being specific.
I was teaching online during lockdown and trying to teach my daughter as well, it was tough but she didn't fall behind because we made little targets each day and didn't look at what others were doing.

My 7 year old DD couldn’t add 1 plus 1 never mind any higher. She couldn’t read or spell, it was heartbreaking and devastating.
She said she wanted to go to university at 10 years old but we didn’t bother saving for it because we never believed it would happen although we totally encouraged her.
She’s 23 on Tuesday and has a degree and is currently doing Masters.
Her utter determination against all odds was the key!

Children have lost so much schooling the last 2 years and this should be a huge consideration , it’s possible every child in that class had a similar report , if they are trying their best and have lots of support I would ignore it to be honest . Teachers have to report on their progression and are under pressure to achieve more all the time . Please don’t set unreasonable targets yourself , be glad they are making steady progress and are happy in school , children mature at different times , try not to worry 💖

It really upsets me that school always takes the line that "the children aren't keeping up with the rest of the class" So why don't we push them until they hate learning with a passion and then accuse them of not being good enough! It makes me want to scream on behalf of the kids.
What is really really important at this age is that they try and that the enjoy it....some kids take a while for things to click into place (stand back and take a good look at the English language..its really blooming hard to learn!) But if the kids love having books read to them and will have a go at reading for 15 minutes and they do the homework that's been set (45 mins seems a lot at this age though) I'd be happy with that.
If your child is really struggling with maths I can not recommend times table rockstar highly enough. My son was struggling with maths a little so we found this and quite honestly his maths ability now (4 years later) is incredible. It helps that the game is on a PC.. kids will enjoy it so much more especially as its a game rather than work

Am I the only one who is thinking along the lines of supporting my children as much as possible but knowing that whatever they achieve in school is just as important as those who may excel constantly. Of course I always say that if they give their best then that's all that matters but what happened ton ust supporting them and letting them know that you're proud of whatever they may achieve. I don't mean it too sound bitchy or whatnot so apologies if it does come across that way. I have 4 boys and some have obstacles they face daily but what's important to me is their happiness and self belief that they are more than able and more than enough.