Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

I would focus on doing things like walks, museums, National Trust, theatre, sport, drama, art, music. So add cultural capital.

We used to do things like spotting which flag is which country, naming capital cities, play kids Trivial Pursuit.

I wouldn't personally make children that age do any homework.

‘ @Furbulousnous childcare very aware of book bands as they have numbers and colours. By year 2 they become aware of differences and can become competitive no matter how much we play it down.’

5 year olds? Reception children? Jog on. I work in schools education and I am telling you for a fact that no 5 year old would be worrying about reading stages of the adults around them were not. Same goes for 7 year olds.
Yes they’re competitive, but not about bloody Biff and Chipper they’re not.

When we report to parents, we have to give assessments against age related expectations for the end of year. So until summer term, unless there's an absolute genius, most parents will be told their children are working towards those, rather than achieving them. However, we always make a point of explaining that as it sounds awful!

It's hard to say where they should be at any one exact moment in time, partly because some of the curriculum we have to assess them against won't have been taught yet.

When we had to assess against levels eg 1a, 2c etc it was easier, because we could show measurable progress in a way that meant something to the parents. Age related expectations is too vague and woolly for any point except end of year, and as a teacher I hate that!

The devil is in the detail of the wording...were you told they were working towards age related expectations? (Not a problem.) Below them? (Probably struggling a bit, in all likelihood getting some support within school, but not necessarily a big deal.) Not where they should be? Push for specifics.

I'd back off on the writing. Reading and talking, enjoying and discussing books - yes. Improving reading has been shown to improve writing. Talk about words the author used, how they showed a character's feelings rather than told the reader. If you want to work on spellings or phonics, think about Scrabble letter tiles or magnets. If you want more structure, Nessy is a fab program to support reading and phonics. We pay for a school subscription but parents can subscribe for home use.

But please let them paint, climb, craft, bake, run about. Those are so important for overall development as well as a happy childhood.

YANBU. Not helpful for school to suggest they write more at home. As they reach late primary, things fall will probably into place. Your professional background and encouragement/expectations will drive them on.

1- Your children are summer born so already are way younger than some of their classmates. There is a big difference in mental and emotional maturity and learning ability in some one born in September and someone born in say July. That's a good 10 months difference and kids learn so much just in a few months. Keeping that in mind saying that they are not meeting expectations is harsh.

2- What makes you think your elder has ADHD? He might not have it.If he can do homework for 45 mins then I don't think issue is with him. It might be that the work is not interesting enough to hold his attention. Even adults can't focus for that long let alone a 7 year old or a 5 year old. We were so excited when my child started to read but then they got off it. So I introduced books with lots of pictures, which includes comics. Such as dogman and catman. Also kids magazines are very good in giving bite size information and keeping things new and interesting.

If your child does have ADHD then private school might not be good fit for them. Public schools have better SEN provisions and will be able to help them better. My MIL was a teacher and now tutors kids. She has seen so many kids who go have special needs and go to private schools. They don't help anyway at all. Where as state schools have special provisions to help them.

3- Kids don't really need to do home work. They need to practice yes but
it doesn't have to be what the school has given them. We don't do it but it also depends on how strict the school is about it. I would rather mine spends that time reading than doing something they don't enjoy.

4- Writing is a bit tricky. What is the actual issue here? Is it the stamina or difficulty in formulating thoughts? Some kids are better at learning by listening to things. Have you tried podcasts? there are some good ones out there such as "wow in the world" and "pinna". Stamina comes with just practicing a lot. Encourage them to write their own stories if they don't find school work interesting. Try using story mountain to plan and help get the thoughts in order. Then they can write based on their planning.

I was abysmal at reading and writing in primary. So much so I actually got kept back during breaks to practice and was sent home with spelling cards.

Reading out loud helped me so much in that regard and explaining what words meant.

I went from about 3 years behind to around 3 ahead in the space of a year. Self taught mostly too ages 12 as I stayed home due to bullying.

I think everyone develops at a different pace. One of my girls is a naturally good reader, the other not so much. One loves math and the other can't stand it.

They'll find their academic strength in their own time.

I think supporting your kids at home should be focused on learning through play mostly. Particularly at the ages of them just now. I agree with previous posts about 10 mins max on "proper homework" and the other ways you are doing seem fine as well. I would stop myself from worrying about this too much as this will impact on the kids without you realising and could make them worry themselves.

At that age I used to get involved more often in imaginative play like:

Homemade shops where we pulled lots of groceries out the kitchen and labelled them with prices / numbers before buying them from each other. Much more fun than plastic goods. Maybe setting up a picnic area in the room with blankets for after the shop play to eat our "shopping". Lots of fun but also learning without them realising. How much is such and such etc..... For your older one bringing out change money and playing with the money in the context of the "shop".

Post Offices - (this was one of my childhood favourites I then played with my child) Selection of pens, stampers, ink pad, writing paper and stamps if you can. Someone being in charge of the post office counting the pretend letters, stamps etc while the other must write / design their letter and "attend" the play post office to have it stamped and sent away. Even attach real stamps and have a walk to post a letter to you or back to themselves. Again lots of fun and learning at the same time. Especially when the letter falls back through the door from the postman.

Cafes - have all the teddies sat at little pretend tables and work on serving, again with pen and paper. Work together to write down the order for the "Dog, cat etc. If someone wants a milkshake write a M for milkshake or make up menus where they have to tick on the sheet the order you say out loud. Reading without realising.

Play these games at a very basic level of understanding to begin with and build up complexity based on what you think is mostly fun but a little educational. My daughter thrived with this sort of thing but didn't like the sit down homework for too long.

You also can't underestimate the worth of messy play at this age either. Painting letters on large sheets of paper, making banners, names made from clay then baking it.

Find books that interest them along side the school books and read the same ones regularly to them. They will build up knowledge and words from listening to the books regularly without realising. I could literally read the books with my eyes shut from the amount of times we read them but it's now paid off because she now loves to read and is really competent even though for years she would only listen to the stories.

This is only some things that worked for us as a family and you just need to take ideas that suit you as a family and find your own balance but please try not to worry (which is also easier said than done)

Good luck.

More down time, more play

My year 1 kid is done done with school and learning by 3pm. We could be doing a lot more at home, but I let him doss around the house most evenings because kids need downtime too. My kid especially. He needed intervention at the beginning of the year, but he's quickly caught up. I think my approach, which essentially was to back tf off, really helped him pace himself better at school and home. He went directly from red to green in a month. So I guess he's behind some kids, and ahead of others. I really don't care about other kids at this point, I only care to know he's making progress against himself. All the guilt and sadness I had at the beginning of the year has gone, pooof.

We read one book most days, and go over his spellings 4/5 times a week. He is 'bright' but he'd moan and complain if I made him do more than the bare minimum at home. My kid just wants to switch off after school, I must let him. Letting him watch TV, I've realised he enjoys learning languages and he really enjoys shows like 'Wild Kratts' because he's learning about real life via animation, so we usually end up doing some extra research using some fact books he has, or we search YouTube to see more clips of particular animals... (His favourites are black jaguars, electric eels and some other lizard like animal I can't remember the name of). He's just gotten into Duolingo too, it's fun for us all!

it all sounds a bit pressured, esp for such young children.
do they get enough messing about time, unstructured play, just being themselves, doing silly things, wasting time, day-dreaming etc
ie being a child.

They're young. They may be slow developers or maybe they're just not as intelligent as you want them to be. But they're just kids so let them be kids!!

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

Perhaps approach it from a different direction. Find out why they need to practise their writing. Is it because they have no stamina? Children have spent the best part of two years doing alot of work on computers and not taking part in activities that build up the finger muscles required to write at length.

Make salt dough so they can exercise their fingers manipulating it, perhaps make letters out of it.

Draw some squiggly lines on paper and have them practise using scissors to cut out. Use different materials such as cereal box cardboard which requires more force to cut.

Instead of writing on normal paper buy a roll of lining paper so they can lay on the floor and draw and colour etc.

This is very interesting and feels like good advice

Let them be kids... Why push them now. Push later if you must. Not all kids learn the same way.

for fucks sake theyre human beings not machines.
let them grow imagination, play, creativity.

glad im not your kids.

My 10 year old was always under achieving but trying really hard. Never pushed him at home.

He's now over expected in everything including spelling which was not his strong point

We tried to push my youngest throughout lockdown. Many tears from all of us and he's now been diagnosed with dyslexia.

Leave them both to come along at their own pace. You'll make them hate learning if you push them

They are tiny still! Just make sure they are healthy and happy! Stuff Michael Gove's stupid expectations!

@Furbulousnous

‘DC2 is very sad he is the only one in his class still on yellow book band.’

He shouldn’t even be aware that he is. Has an adult said something? A teacher? You? Or is he in the kind of hothouse atmosphere yhatbitbhas become a thing that he is.
Book bands should be for teachers and parents as a rough guide that’s it.

My dd1, when in reception would tell me all about how stupid she was because of her book band. She would tell me every other child's book band. Completely unprompted.

She (now 13) with a diagnosis of adhd, and one of the brightest kids I know. She was hugely frustrated at not achieving against her own expectations. The frustration is visceral. She, sadly like another pp has pretty awful MH due to her v late diagnosis. She hasn't been to school for months, and is unlikely to get gcses. I couldn't care less at this point. I'm glad she's eating again.

It's nonsense that children don't notice their book band in relation to others. Of course, a super chilled child may not notice or care, but a child with a statistically significant deficit between their general cognitive ability and their processing ability will.

So much misinformation on this thread.

I would urge you to get ehcp's and consider meds for dc1 as soon as possible, especially if they're female as their executive functions become 'set' much earlier than boys.

Yellow book band is behind for this stage in Yr1, you're not imagining it. Please message me if you would like to, I feel like I've been where you are now.

Unclench your arse and allow your children to enjoy being children.

So unfair of you to push your expectations on to tiny children.

So you want to have memories of fun times when your kids were young, or of forcing them to study when they were 7???

Absolute madness.

To be clear, I am NOT saying yellow book band in yr1 is cause for concern. I have a child who us a bit behind and happy, a child who is v academic and happy, and a super bright child who wasn't given the tools to achieve academically, who is now extremely unhappy.

I'm only worried about the unhappy one.

Would they be interested in an ongoing project like writing postcards to a pet? Something simple that gets them practising each day but is fun to do and doesn’t feel like school? For example, could make postcards (just cut up paper in a postcard shape) so they could do a picture on one side and then write their letter on the other. Simple, but good practice.

They could also write letters to be actually posted, if someone would write them simple ones back that would be lovely. I wouldn’t suggest that for every day though as you’ll go broke with postage. Pet postcards could be ‘posted’ into a box or stuck up near the dog’s bed or whatever.

If they’re doing 45 minutes of homework every day, and it’s still not enough. then I’d think it’s the school that’s failing to meet expectations.

@Xx1d1xX

I think supporting your kids at home should be focused on learning through play mostly. Particularly at the ages of them just now. I agree with previous posts about 10 mins max on "proper homework" and the other ways you are doing seem fine as well. I would stop myself from worrying about this too much as this will impact on the kids without you realising and could make them worry themselves.

At that age I used to get involved more often in imaginative play like:

Homemade shops where we pulled lots of groceries out the kitchen and labelled them with prices / numbers before buying them from each other. Much more fun than plastic goods. Maybe setting up a picnic area in the room with blankets for after the shop play to eat our "shopping". Lots of fun but also learning without them realising. How much is such and such etc..... For your older one bringing out change money and playing with the money in the context of the "shop".

Post Offices - (this was one of my childhood favourites I then played with my child) Selection of pens, stampers, ink pad, writing paper and stamps if you can. Someone being in charge of the post office counting the pretend letters, stamps etc while the other must write / design their letter and "attend" the play post office to have it stamped and sent away. Even attach real stamps and have a walk to post a letter to you or back to themselves. Again lots of fun and learning at the same time. Especially when the letter falls back through the door from the postman.

Cafes - have all the teddies sat at little pretend tables and work on serving, again with pen and paper. Work together to write down the order for the "Dog, cat etc. If someone wants a milkshake write a M for milkshake or make up menus where they have to tick on the sheet the order you say out loud. Reading without realising.

Play these games at a very basic level of understanding to begin with and build up complexity based on what you think is mostly fun but a little educational. My daughter thrived with this sort of thing but didn't like the sit down homework for too long.

You also can't underestimate the worth of messy play at this age either. Painting letters on large sheets of paper, making banners, names made from clay then baking it.

Find books that interest them along side the school books and read the same ones regularly to them. They will build up knowledge and words from listening to the books regularly without realising. I could literally read the books with my eyes shut from the amount of times we read them but it's now paid off because she now loves to read and is really competent even though for years she would only listen to the stories.

This is only some things that worked for us as a family and you just need to take ideas that suit you as a family and find your own balance but please try not to worry (which is also easier said than done)

Good luck.

I didn’t read this post before mine but yes to all of it.

Kids love real life type games. The world is full of fascinating things grownups do.

My dd1 in year 1 couldn’t read or write her name.
She wouldn’t do her homework / read the school books and I never pushed it. We did read other books though and I encouraged her to be curious. We had lots of discussions and look at that etc. I didn’t like the ‘she’s behind’ at such an early age. I wanted her to enjoy reading and learning instead.
She’s now at a top ranked uni and doing well.

It sounds like you’re doing similar and being creative. The school sounds pressured and unhelpful. Take the pressure off your children and yourself.

Just going to reiterate this point here - if your DC does have ADHD it will absolutely affect their learning. I've never heard a more ridiculous comment (not having a dig at you OP, but the expert who told you this).

By definition ADHD affects executive function including working memory, concentration, focus, attention, motivation and the ability to organise thoughts. So yes, ADHD will absolutely have an impact.

For disclosure, I have ADHD and it's a bloody uphill battle.

And that's without your DC being summer babies etc which has a MASSIVE impact at their very young age. There was a good article I read somewhere about summer babies struggling in primary and being quite a steep curve for them.

Also, in some European countries, formal learning doesn't even start until age 7. I was a school governor and I firmly believe that we've gone way way too far down the rabbit hole. The pressure on our little children and the teachers to get results isn't helpful to anyone.

Why do I feel like the worst mother when my now 4 year old is still not using the toilet, I've tried everything from charts, rewards, encouragement, praise but nothing seems to be working, can anyone please help me or give me any tips or ideas that worked for them.