Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

Eh, maybe chill out a bit?? They're 5 and 7!! 45 mins per evening on homework? Seriously? And I know you won't want to hear this but just because you and your hubby are very clever, academically, it doesn't necessarily follow that your kids will follow the same path? Maybe relax a wee bit and see what happens....?

@Bathsheba1878 that's lovely to hear. I don't even have ambitions for them - I just want them to be happy - and frankly have a job that they enjoy rather than my corporate rat race ! It's just so hard not to feel like you're not supporting them when others seem to breeze through !

If they haven't had one recently, I'd always recommend an eye test. It's often not obvious if they have sight issues and it's an easy thing to fix so it's worth just getting it checked.

Lego is great for finger strength.

That’s great that the 45 minutes homework isn’t what I was imagining! Sounds like it’s fun family time

Reading!! So much reading. If nothing else, do reading. So a combination of reading aloud, ‘family’ books, silent reading… story books, fact books, fun books.

Then practical things but very consistently… not writing a fun shopping list but writing your actual shopping list, making a card for auntie whoever, writing a postcard, pen and paper games. Get them into the habit of giving and receiving little surprise love notes so that they know that writing can be for fun. They’ll need a lot of participation from you on some of this. Don’t go all out on craft supplies… just a stash of paper, felt tops, crayons, pencils glue and scissors is plenty. Make seasonal posters or decorations for your house… get stuck in yourself and really enjoy it with them. Drop the reading scenes for a bit!!

Then other stuff like simple family board games - ludo and snakes and ladders, dobble, Pictionary.

Making little sayings from numbers you see on car number plates.

Your DCs are at a beautiful age to learn together with you without even knowing it. Just try to enjoy it and it will come.

I would focus on building play and curiosity so arts and crafts, board games at home and trips to theatre, museums and art galleries. If its enjoyable , they will want to do more learning and ask questions

I think it is very likely the ADHD is a factor - of course this would make it harder for a kid to learn! It seems quite outrageous for someone to have told you this diagnosis should effect their academic achievement.

Look at it this way - you are clearly engaged parents who support your dc. They are no working less hard than their peers. It is just that they maybe have obstacles to overcome that others don't.

I think you are doing all you can.

The problem is they are being measured against unrealistic expectations. A child age 5 and 7 is NOT developmentally behind if they aren’t very good at writing/reading.

45 minutes sit down study after school is way too much. All the child development studies show that the best way children learn at that age is through play. They’re losing the opportunity to develop normally as you try to force them to keep you with a schema that even the guy who wrote it admits is not fit for purpose.

Also, your kids are summer born. They SHOULD be behind average for their year if you think about what average means...

Stop listening so much to the school who are using a bad curriculum and instead do some reading about child development.

Sometimes if children think they're having to spend too much time at home doing school type activities, they can have a tendency to come across as unmotivated when in school and not do as well as they should, maybe just focus on enjoying books reading with them at home!

I have a year 2.

Our school only set homework twice a week for 10 minutes at a time - we literally are told to set a timer for 10 minutes, help them with reading what they have to do but then it's pretty much up to them.

45 minutes a night seems a huge amount I remember doing roughly that when I was in Years 9 and 10!

Other than daily reading, spellings and general activities like writing birthday cards for her friends.

45 mins a day of homework for this age group is a lot. Do they enjoy it?

Are doing any sports or music, drama, art type of lessons or groups?

I am very much against kids doing a million extracurricular activities, but I would try to find one thing that they would enjoy doing outside of the house, preferably in a group, and that challenges their creativity.

At such a young age the brain needs to learn English and Maths, yes, but the lateral and creative thinking also needs to be developed. Body and mind go all in one, blah blah, but again - movements and sport is important for children.

Some kids excel at reading when they're 6. Other kids at 6 will excel at something else, and it might not be academically-related. Every kid is good at something, and that 'something' should be nurtured and encouraged. If that's not Maths right now, then so be it. Of course they need to keep progressing at school but don't feel like they're failing at it all. Find something the children actually enjoy and you'll see how the general mood will improve.

@followthenoise summer born daughter, was always behind in subjects, especially in art and maths, other than reading, she is now top in her A-Level classes.

Well you sound like you're doing a good job fostering a dislike of learning with the 45 minutes of imposed reading etc. They're little kids, they need to play and feed their imaginations. Lockdowns cause a lot of disruption but they will soon catch up naturally.

Are they in private schools?

Wow you're making me feel bad! I have a year 1 child and she doesn't do anything close to 45 minutes a day. More like 45 minutes a week TBH. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job supporting them.

Is it a very academic school? Is it private? How 'behind' are they in practice?

@Goawayangryman

ADHD not impacting academically?! Who the heckers told you that?? It also often coexists with other learning difficulties such as dyslexia.

Primaries can be really shit at screening for these sorts of things. My DD slipped through right till year 6 being told she needed to do more at home . Nope.

I was thinking the same. My DS has his assessment soon and he's almost 9. It was picked up by school in year 2 after it was impacting him academically. Push for an assessment.

Op my daughter is also year one but October born. There is no way she would cope with 45 min of extra work at the end of the school day- that’s a lot for little children. Also, my eldest is august born. He was behind for a while but it suddenly clicked around year 3 and is where he should be now.

Incidentally, when I was in year one and two in primary school my friend (july born) was the only child to have to go out for extra support. She’s also now the only one from the class to have a phd. So please don’t worry too much although I appreciate it is difficult not to.

At their ages learning through play is still vital. Also incidental learning such as giving them actual money in a shop instead of paying by card, pointing out time on the clock when referring to bedtime, counting things etc etc are all great.

They all develop at different rates - the "expectations" are a Gove-era creation that do not remotely relate to real life and real children.

Just because the children are not meeting these random expectations does not mean there is a problem - it simply means that the person who set the expectations needs their head examining.

Do not be fooled by all this and get sucked in - and very very definitely leave off the 45 minutes a night.

Children are not vessels to be crammed with adult knowledge - they are new human beings from whom we can learn a great deal about imagination, flexibility, gay abandon, freedom of thought - if we only stop stuffing facts into them and let them show us who they really are.

Give the poor things a break!!!

Could dyslexia be an issue? Just as you specifically mention literacy difficulties. I'm assuming you've read to them etc since they were babies too. Above all, don't blame yourself or think you aren't doing enough. Sounds like you do a lot.

I wouldn’t worry, I had a terrible time with DS1, unlike your DC he refused to have anything to do with homework or reading. As soon as his books started including words he switched off. I remember it escalating into a horrible battle where both of us were in tears and in a moment of clarity I just thought what on earth was I doing. He was so upset that there is no way he would have been able to do anything. So I just stopped trying to force him to do keywords or reading, but I spent time reading to him every day. He was lagging behind, but he was clearly not ready. This carried on until he was in Year 2 when he gradually started to engage. His teachers told me I was playing a dangerous game, but I felt he needed to move at his own pace. By the time he was in Year 5 he had caught up to the rest of his cohort and is now doing A levels.

Your children are already doing better than my DS was at their age as they are engaging with the work. However, I strongly feel that there is far too much focus on testing and labelling children as below expectations, I mean what does that even mean? Keep on with what you are doing, keep encouraging them to read and they will come out the other side.

Thanks it's definitely not always 45 minutes of sit down with a book every day, may be 20 mins with school work, then 15 mins game then 10 minutes reading.

Yes @inheritancetrack they schools are private. We didn't think DC1 would thrive in a large class and then it's hard not to give all your kids the same opportunity...

@pinkgingham

Wow you're making me feel bad! I have a year 1 child and she doesn't do anything close to 45 minutes a day. More like 45 minutes a week TBH. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job supporting them.

Is it a very academic school? Is it private? How 'behind' are they in practice?

Are they doing an amazing job supporting them or are they loading them up with their own anxieties and skewed priorities?

Childhood years are precious ones - far too precious to waste on cramming - they flee away before you can blink, and the opportunity to allow them to be real children is gone, never to return.

They aren't getting into Gonville and Caius! They're 5 and 7. Read more and chill out

Im not a primary teacher but I do know that schools need to demonstrate progress. They often do this by under assessing students in the early stages to demonstrate significant process by the end of KS2. In many cases it’s a game for the purposes of Ofsted.

I would also check whether they have done assessments for dyslexia etc to rule out any other needs.

I do find that the progress made can also be dependent on school. Some schools accelerate children through reading schemes for example, others take a much more laid back approach