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Original poster

Kids not meeting expectations

319 replies

followthenoise · 11/02/2022 19:33

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 13/02/2022 00:46

The webchat with Alice de Coverley, the specialist barrister.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_live_events/a4320110-Webchat-about-educational-provision-for-children-with-SEN-on-Wednesday-18th-August-12-30pm

Original poster
followthenoise · 13/02/2022 06:14

Hi

Everyone haven't had time to read through all the responses, but just to assure you we are well down the diagnoses route. DC1 had had a multi- disciplinary screening and her Ed psych, just on (private) wait list for final assessment. She shows strongly on the attention side as opposed to hyperactivity. DC has OT and we've just done some play therapy courses.

I recognise that they are private, which can be a different kettle of fish. We tried DC1 in state but in our catchment they are all two form entry, and DC1 couldn't cope with size. My job also means I have some visibility of state school provisions and I think she would get lost - her SEN is unlikely to come with any funding if she has an ECHP and there will be others in her class who have more significant needs who will rightly get the support.

We're happy with both schools - neither are particularly academic in focus.

I appreciate that ADHD will impact learning but was told it wasn't an indicator of intelligence etc. but I find that DC1 and now (neurotypical) DC2 are really struggling and I am just worried that I am not creating the right environment for either of them somehow.

OP posts:
Lenmaw · 13/02/2022 06:38

As a teacher:

Ignore the report- some schools say you can’t ‘meet expectations’ til the end of the school year anyway.

The expectations are ridiculous and can’t be uniform for every child.

We’re post pandemic and they’ve missed out on so much.

You sound like you’re doing more than enough. If you’re working on growth mindset and happy children, that is very much above and beyond and they are very fortunate children.

londonrach · 13/02/2022 06:50

Five year old here and been told the same. Think it's linked to how much time children missed last year. My DD can read and write and as a dyslexic myself can't see any issues apart from she not reading at stage 3 yet... just stage 2. I've accepted the extra help the school has offered. She also summer born

ThirdElephant · 13/02/2022 06:59

It's worth noting, OP, that summer borns are 1.4 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and 1.3 times more likely to be diagnosed with intellectual disability than the oldest children in the year. Not because they're actually more likely to have it, but because they're being measured against a yardstick that's unrealistic for them.

DarthTater3 · 13/02/2022 07:22

Qualified and experienced primary teacher and private tutor here. The children are far too young to be panicking about their performance and 45 mins of homework a day is very much at risk of turning them off learning altogether at this age, especially if eldest child does have adhd. Children all develop at different rates and no amount of trying to force it will help them learn if they are not yet developmentally ready. Many children don’t blossom with they’re learning until later primary school years and it does them no harm at all. Children in Finland don’t start formal academic learning until age 7 and Finland has one of the most successful education systems in the world. Focus on making sure they get plenty of good quality sleep, this is especially important for adhd, and a healthy balanced diet. Read every day but it doesn’t have to be them doing the reading if they’re too tired, it’s just as important that you read to them and essential that it’s something that interests them. Little and often is much better than long protracted periods of learning. If they have been given spellings or number facts to learn, two minutes a day will be much more valuable than 45 minutes. Other than that they need time to switch off from school. If either children have adhd it absolutely can impact learning but it doesn’t have to - get a diagnosis as early as poss and learn all you can about it. But your child will likely be extra tired at the end of school day if they have adhd so I wouldn’t recommend another 45 mins of learning a day on top of the school day. The school day is enough! Hope that helps a bit and good luck.

DarthTater3 · 13/02/2022 07:26

Aaaargh their not they’re. When autocorrect totally undermines your claim that you’re an experienced teacher 🤣

Lenmaw · 13/02/2022 07:38

@ThirdElephant

It's worth noting, OP, that summer borns are 1.4 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD and 1.3 times more likely to be diagnosed with intellectual disability than the oldest children in the year. Not because they're actually more likely to have it, but because they're being measured against a yardstick that's unrealistic for them.
👏
Supergirl1958 · 13/02/2022 07:50

@perfectstorm

I can assure you that as a teacher, I act upon anything I see needs intervention immediately and I've taught from nursery and have had nursery children referred for support! I have also never heard that it is legally not a thing till they are 7...morally I don't know how schools get away with it. It is literally our job to give children support otherwise we wouldn't be doing our job's properly.

Supergirl1958 · 13/02/2022 07:51

@DarthTater3

Aaaargh their not they’re. When autocorrect totally undermines your claim that you’re an experienced teacher 🤣
Lol this happened to me yesterday with you're not your 😂😂
Itsnotover · 13/02/2022 07:55

This is very depressing to read. For heavens sake, they are still so young. They've had the impact of covid lockdowns on their educations. And you say that they are both young for the year and one has ADHD. One of my children has ADHD and I can tell you now it massively impacts her learning! It affects her executive functioning. Why are you not looking into this properly?

And sometimes, children aren't academic and that's ok. You should not be putting this kind of pressure on them. They will switch off completely.

safclass · 13/02/2022 08:42

(ex ks1 teacher - also Senco)
No matter what I say, you will probably still be worried, but they are VERY young.
Summer born children often don't hit all the expectations. If they had been born a few weeks later they would have another year to meet the expectations they are not yet meeting.
If we spoke with an educational psychologist their first questions was often 'are they summer born'. They usually catch up.
A school day is a long time to be expected to focus /learn but it's not intense 1 or 2 adults to 30 kids. At home 45 mins doing 1 to 1 or 2 to 1 is quite intense after a busy day at school.
PP have suggested other activities / games which can help with learning / gross and fine motor skills - playdough/clay is great for lots of things.
As another PP also suggested some kids do well in other areas and may not be academic and really thats OK.

ChocolateDigestivesMmmm · 13/02/2022 08:49

I see you're on the way to diagnosing SEN so thjs may be a factor, but also try to put in context how young they are. They might just be late bloomers.
I'm from a country that doesn't even start formal education until age 7. At the age of 5 I couldn't read or write at all and didn't know anything about maths. I spent my days playing and napping all day. Age 7 I was only just starting to learn reading/writing/numbers. All the other kids were the same.
I can now now read and write in several languages and have a Masters, so my relaxed start clearly hasn't impacted me educationally! For all its advantages, I think the British school system pushes young children too much. Try not to pressure your kids too much, if they feel pressure they'll be anxious and it will put them off learning even more.

Benjispruce5 · 13/02/2022 08:51

I echo what @safclass said. I’m in ks1 and work with the children that are below expected in reading and writing. Just this last term several of them have made rapid progress. This often happens as the first term up to Christmas is about transition. Read for 5/10 minutes daily, count in 2s, 5s and 10s in the car, match number bonds to 10 (1&9, 2&8,3&7 etc) and keep it fun. Let him play with coins and a clock. At this age it’s about building a foundation of basic understanding that everything else can build on.

Benjispruce5 · 13/02/2022 08:56

Wow @Supergirl1958 your school sounds great. We just don’t have the staff at my small rural school and when we get HNF it barely covers a couple of hours.

MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix · 13/02/2022 09:07

Have you had them checked for visual stress? DS was slow at reading and it turned out it was because to him the words were constantly jumping around. He uses coloured overlays to read and it’s made a huge difference. He hadn’t mentioned it because he thought it was like that for everyone.

Moaningmeadowlark · 13/02/2022 09:19

I feel your pain OP. I did very well at school, but actually had an utter breakdown in my twenties. My kids have all been below ARE but my son, year 5, is now at ARE so I am sure they will get there. It annoys me sometimes how they measure it, for instance they all have excellent vocabulary and their general knowledge and knowledge is very good, but because they struggle to write that down they are classed as below for broader curriculum too. Try not to worry too much.

Benjispruce5 · 13/02/2022 09:38

@Moaningmeadowlark teachers hate it too!

Pinkfluff76 · 13/02/2022 10:15

Sorry OP that must be very disheartening. My son is in year 1. We only do reading at bedtime. I read two stories, kids each choose one and my son reads his school book. Why not just focus on that. We don’t do writing at home unless it’s a birthday card etc. It’s such a long day at school and they’re only little for such a short time. I know it sounds bad, but someone has to be the bottom of the class. You don’t want it to be such a big deal they start not wanting to go to school. It’s been so disrupted these last two years, maybe they just need time to settle and they’ll catch up in their own time.

velvet24 · 13/02/2022 10:16

45 mins of homework a day is pushing them too hard at that age, no wonder they are struggling !

RandomMess · 13/02/2022 10:52

A classic sign of ADD/ADHD is academic achievement not matching to their potential.

There is a brilliant on line magazine www.additudemag.com

Moaningmeadowlark · 13/02/2022 11:07

I'm sure they do, must be very frustrating.

Moaningmeadowlark · 13/02/2022 11:08

That was supposed to be a reply to you @Benjispruce5

LovelyIssues · 13/02/2022 11:24

That is ridiculous OP. Some of the children in their year group will be 11 months older. That's a huge difference in children of that age. 45 minutes is far too long when they've been at school all day. A bit of them reading to you and you reading to them before bed is plenty. And I say this as someone working with that age group of children in a school.

SafeMove · 13/02/2022 11:41

DS1 is a late July born. He was on SEN plus all the way through primary. Middle of the road up to Year 10. Found his groove in Year 10 with music, which helped both his confidence and cognition. He got A*, C, C in A Levels and has an unconditional offer at a great northern music instirution after his gap year.

DS2 (undiagnosed ADD as I have avoided it) got the highest Year 6 SATS. Now in Year 9 and is middle of the road and probably would be seen as not meeting expectations.

Over the academic life course all 3 of my DC have fluctuated. OP - I would focus more on coming to terms with that within yourself than the stress of 45 mins homework and what interventions to embrace. I would be curious about your own stress and motivations first and foremost.