Kids not meeting expectations

[followthenoise]

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

@MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix

Have you had them checked for visual stress? DS was slow at reading and it turned out it was because to him the words were constantly jumping around. He uses coloured overlays to read and it’s made a huge difference. He hadn’t mentioned it because he thought it was like that for everyone.

Behavioural optometry.

These things are often, though not always, linked.

Lockdown has massively affected children’s learning. I teach Y3/4 and barely any of them are where they would have been in an emotional/social sense, and very few of them academically. Number sense, handwriting and spellings seem to be the areas most affected by lockdown, across the entire country.

Whoever has told you that ADHD will not affect your child’s academic progress is wrong. ADHD affects all areas of learning and without additional support can mean that your child does not achieve their potential. My youngest (now Y5) has ADHD and I fought for this diagnosis for many years, since he was in reception, with his old school but they weren’t interested in the slightest, just labelled him as naughty. He was achieving expected or greater depth in all areas so as far as they were concerned, everything was fine. I moved him to a different school in September and within three weeks they wanted to refer him for an ADHD diagnosis (without me having said anything to them) and had all sorts of plans put in place to help him emotionally and academically.
ADHD affects concentration, working memory, self-regulation, organisation and processing, amongst other things. I can’t believe someone told you it had no effect!! I have chn with ADHD in my own class and one of the things I have in place is silent signals for them to give me, so they can go and have a wiggle, or a reset, so that when they are working, they have more chance of being settled enough to learn.

If you think that your child’s ADHD is affecting their learning (has this been diagnosed formally?), go in and speak to the class teacher and ask them to put together an IEP that details how they will support your child in class.

In terms of them being behind, ask the teacher to give you the specific areas that they are behind in so that you can find some activities for them to work on at home. If it is number bonds to 10, for example, there are loads of free games on Topmarks website to work on these (and loads of other fab maths games). If it is spelling, there are free and paid for apps (such as Spelling Shed) that can help with this - or you can make your own games. If your children are struggling with reading using phonics, try making them some flash cards and having them do some sight reading instead. The Ladybird ‘Peter and Jane’ books are sight-reading/high frequency words based, rather than phonically decodeable, and are what my eldest child used. She never really took to phonics.

I wouldn't worry. DS16 was 'top of the class' at primary. Got into the grammar school. He's now bottom of the year group and only scraping the basic subjects. An early high achiever isn't always what you want

And our experience proves they all progress at different levels and will reach their own individual level at some point

I was a summer baby, one of the youngest in my year. I always struggled, even going to secondary I didn’t pass 11+ and had to attend summer school for English and maths. By year 8 I was in the grammar stream, I passed all my GCSEs and now love learning new things. I’ve done professional qualifications and am in a well paid career. I wouldn’t worry at this stage as they are both still so young!

And our experience proves they all progress at different levels and will reach their own individual level at some point

This is simply not true. Especially for children with SEN.

Many do not reach their potential as they are either written off as thick, inadequately supported to overcome their additional challenges, or misunderstood.

The school should be able to suggest ways you can help - and this should be available to all parents via talk and online

@followthenoise yellow book band is correct for his age band. That isn't behind. I really wouldn't worry

You say not pushy but i get a very pushy vibe! The idea you are failing your kids because they arent up to scratch despite 45 mins homework a night (which is a lot for kids that age after a long day at school - only so much information can go in and stay in) doesnt sound like a not pushy parent.

That's why at school activities are short, then a break or a change of task or some down time - kids just need short bursts of learning.

Saying you and partner have good levels of education sort of implies you think your kids already wont achieve this level which is really sad when they are so small still.

Kids need to be kids and they all develop differently. Also ADHD, especially in girls can cause problems as they do miss things by not being able to focus.

I've just had a friend tell me how a bunch of mums have just picked up all the revision books in the second hand shop to keep their kids busy over half term. They arent even the age where they need revision books! But sadly that is how many kids spend half term - stuck at the table banging out worksheets and booklets and not kicking a ball and climbing trees. Being book smart doesnt make you a well rounded and capable person - kids need more than targets and paper work to be the best version of themselves.

Personally i wouldnt worry. School have targets to meet and boxes to tick and sadly anyone that doesnt fit in that box is considered 'behind' say they are actually very creatively minded or sporty . They could excel in those areas but scruffy handwriting or poor spelling and they will be considered 'behind'. It's a ridiculous way of judging kids to be honest, especially when they are small. I couldnt for the life of me remember my spellings or my times tables in primary school, teachers always yelled at me (though to be fair - my mum never did any home helping with me) but I got As at GCSE with no extra help.

If you want to help without pushing - try looking into kinetic learning. I work with kids that have a variety of non standard needs and i have a passion to find the key to unlock their abilities. All kids that cant focus in the classroom have a 'thing' that unlocks them. I have found outside learning to be extremely beneficial and will do maths with tally marks in the mud or walk around the school finding items to write about and read stories under the trees until i see that little light in their eyes - that 'thing' that has engaged them and then that's what we use to bring them out of their shells. With ADHD the ability to focus is really hard to they need to learn by moving. Hopscotching as they say their times tables, doing their spelling and reading but doing a word hunt around the house or garden.... because their brains not only focus better while moving but they movement will also encourage recall.

I honestly wouldnt worry - they are still really young and making them do more will only cause burn out later (i have a teenager who's friends are dropping like flies because they are pushed and tutored from such a young age that at 16 they have already had enough of learning). Just let them grow at their own speed and support them in what they naturally have a talent for xxx

@nanbread

And our experience proves they all progress at different levels and will reach their own individual level at some point

This is simply not true. Especially for children with SEN.

Many do not reach their potential as they are either written off as thick, inadequately supported to overcome their additional challenges, or misunderstood.

I'd agree with you. Also, kids can get turned off to education in general because they believe that that they're not good at it. It can be hard to get them switched back on.

I would say "chill" op. Many DC in mainland Europe don't start learning to read and write until they are six! I think Finland does this and has some of the highest school achievement in the world.

And sorry but I would say that asking a seven year old to do 45 mins hwk a night is pushy, especially during a pandemic, as is starting a thread with a title about a five and a seven year old not meeting expectations! You will put them off learning at this rate if you are not careful.

In the nicest possible way Einstein was a late talker and didn’t do well at school. Some European countries and high standards one too don’t start actual academic school until they are 7. They learn through play a lot at that age. In a fun way. There is an abundance of evidence showing that starting pressure earlier on their brain is actually worse for mental health long term and you are worried about such little kids when they learn the world around them in such a wonderful way if they are guided properly and not pushed. They will come into their own , guide them, stop worrying. Oh and a lot of primary teachers do say they expect too much from the little ones these days.

Summer birth children are often a bit behind and lockdown will not have helped. Your son being sad about being "only one on yellow band" ...Hmm, suggests to much competition/moving "up" levels references etc built in to the process., At school? Mentioned at home?

They are both very young - we used to live overseas and both my elder dds didn’t start school until the year they turned six - school started in January there and their birthdays were in June so they were both 5 1/2 when they started. Youngest started school here when she was 4 1/2. Eldest dds have now finished uni and youngest is in GCSE year - and she’s the one that’s finding it hardest! I’d be concerned about ADHD but otherwise, give them a chance to develop their own work ethic with encouragement from you, rather than setting a schedule. School days are long here (my eldest two were at school 7.30am-1pm until they were 8, thereafter 1pm on were for sports etc) and 7 hours of concentrating is hard for little ones. Perhaps give them a bit of a break when they get home, ten minutes or so of actual homework once they’ve had some downtime, then encourage them with reading by doing it with them at bedtime once they’re in their pyjamas? We read every single night with all our 3 dds from the age of 1, and it turned out to be the best thing we could have done, they all picked up from our cues and read voraciously once they’d made the connection between the letters on the page and the pictures that would form in their imagination.
Above all, address concerns with development but don’t expect them to be above average or even average - children really do develop differently and I have school friends who were very, very low achievers until A level but are now a GP, a forensic pathologist and a forensic anthropologist respectively - the last two leaders in their field.

How is the eldest with typing and non-written language? I ask because my DC8 was very similar; hated writing and wasn't a fan of reading. I also suspect ADHD. The school provided an ipad for a short time a couple of times a week and he was good at typing. For the reading, the teacher recommended audio books so he was still getting exposed to lots of language. We got a Yoto player and he listens to books at bedtime. His reading has improved exponentially in the last year and his writing is miles better but still a bit hit and miss - he can type well though so the understanding is there, it's just the execution! We don't do any homework!

If they are reluctant readers - sign up for a Beano subscription. Or a Phoenix one for the older child.

That’s what rocket boosted reading for my DD1 and the younger is following on four to a desire to do what DD1 does.

I have 3 school age DC and middle DD has always been below expectations. She’s been assessed for SEN and dyslexia but didn’t fit the criteria for either. DH and I are graduates and DH has a masters too, other two DC are extremely academic and always above expectations. No idea why DC2 is like this, she is summer born but so is DC3 (in fact DC3 is mid August but has never had any issues at school at all whereas DC2 is early June). We have put lots of effort in at home to help her but she gets frustrated easily and
starts throwing herself around so it’s difficult.

She’s year 6 now and failed her mock SATS which is worrying me to no end. DC1 got 100% in his maths SATS and about 95 in the English to put into perspective whereas DC2 didn’t even reach the pass mark. We’ve paid for private tuition over the years for her too but she always hates it and makes our life miserable for forcing her to do it. She is extremely athletic and loves sports so I think this will be her calling rather than academic stuff, everyone has different talents I guess.

The mums at school are so cliquey. They are polite to me in the playground but it’s clear they have enough friends and don’t want to expand their social circle. Their kids all hang out together for activities and sleepovers and I am worried my daughter is having her year 4 friendships limited as I am is not part of the parent group. At school she is friendly with these children but always kn the fringe as she won’t get asked back their homes or for sleepovers because I am not one of the parents gang. How should I handle this?

I have a daughter with ADHD and she hardly learned a thing in her first couple of years of primary school. She's now a very high achieving 17 year old.

It sounds like you need to focus on quality not quantity.

Re reading have you ever done first 100 high frequency word's with them? If not get some flash cards and do a few a day.

Whenever I've mentioned this to a teacher they have poo pooed the idea and said they are boring.

My two loved them! So much faster and more game like to roll through and such an easy win when they get them.

If you are pushing phonics,maybe just try normal reading?

I think shorter burst's and board game's are the way forward this exact 45 mins sounds too strict.
You may need special tutor in a while.