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Original poster

Kids not meeting expectations

319 replies

followthenoise · 11/02/2022 19:33

Feeling like we may be failing our DC5 and 7 (yr 1 and yr3) Both have received mid year reports indicating they are below expectations. This is despite us doing around 45 mins of homework /reading with them a day. Both are (early) summer born, and both DH and I are in professional roles with masters level qualifications. We try to foster learning in all activities / aim for a growth mindset, but they both appear to be falling behind. I'm not a pushy parent and would be happy with whatever they want to do, but I am at my wits end on how to support them. Eldest DC likely has ADHD and some sensory issues, but we're told this shouldn't impact her academically particularly , youngest seems fine (apart from academics!). School feedback is that need to write more at home, need to improve - but it seems beyond them when I sit down and do it with them!

OP posts:
Livandme · 11/02/2022 23:06

I haven't rtwt but your dc are v young.
Do they meet your expectations? Are they kind? Good friends to others? Caring? Do they share?
School expectations are not important. Honestly.
Being a good kind person is much more important.
My son used to get "marked down" at primary school but as a teenager now he has other skills that are much more useful in life.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 11/02/2022 23:07

This is what I was talking about..

Kids not meeting expectations
DePfeffoff · 11/02/2022 23:08

What does "aiming for a growth mindset" mean?

StoppinBy · 11/02/2022 23:08

Who said ADHD wouldn't affect a child academically? Of course it does.

The best thing we ever did for our child was try medication for her ADHD. Prior to this she was struggling to take in information and to get it back out on paper when needed.

Also, all that homework is crazy, it may also be pointless if your child isn't actually taking it in. Get a referral for your kids to see a peadiatrician if you haven't already and get them a proper review.

Benjispruce5 · 11/02/2022 23:09

Lots of children with ASDs don’t use phonics, they memorise. Unfortunately, Ofsted is really pushing phonics at the moment. Hmm

Livpool · 11/02/2022 23:10

Sorry but your poor kids! Just let them be children and play.

My DS is year one and we get weekly homework plus we read - a LOT. The children are so young and it sounds like they are already a disappointment because they aren't meeting arbitrary levels of marking them. This makes me quite said ri read to be honest

happyfroday · 11/02/2022 23:11

I would say from my DS going to a private school nursery and the friends who's kids have stayed on they seem to work the kids at a year ahead of what my DC are doing in their council owned school.

Do you also know when the others in class are born ? All the DC in my friends small private school class of 8 are September/ October.

I have a year one, we do reading (one book) and spellings issued by the school. Occasionally like you a birthday card, or a postcard. We did a good diary for a week and it was hard work. I also let Dc sound out the words and write them rather than spelling them out. At home you can make mistakes and I feel being corrected too much can seem to critical .I'm very slack on maths. I should try to do something, counting in 2/5/10'a out loud or written, but times just flies by and they are tired. It maybe in class your DC is already beyond this.

BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:11

@Benjispruce5

Lots of children with ASDs don’t use phonics, they memorise. Unfortunately, Ofsted is really pushing phonics at the moment. Hmm
Yep, our primary has just announced a new phonics scheme and DD (Y1), already struggling with phonics, likely to have ADHD/ASD like me and her sister - yay.
Benjispruce5 · 11/02/2022 23:11

It is sad @Livpool and it’s not school’s fault. We hate it too!

happyfroday · 11/02/2022 23:12
  • food diary
BitcherOfBlakiven · 11/02/2022 23:13

You have to make sure that learning is FUN for children and not a slog or a chore - there’s plenty of time for that in Y10/11/12/13!

Chichimcgee · 11/02/2022 23:16

Also kids aren’t daft, they’ll know the ‘games’ are educational. Just let them be kids

Bellex · 11/02/2022 23:19

When I was in primary school I was completely written off my the teachers. Also under achieving. When it came to yr5/6 and SATS my mum sent me to Kip McGrath (tutoring franchise) initially for English and then we added Maths. Once a week then twice a week towards the exam part. I also revised a lot from what I got at school. Predicted low 3s, came out with all 5s and the highest in the school.

I did a lot of dancing at the time, did the required homework but nothing additional really. I think if my mum had started me earlier I’d have burnt out. I also achieve all A*’s at GSCE, A-level and a first at Uni

me4real · 11/02/2022 23:20

DC2 is very sad he is the only one in his class still on yellow book band.

@followthenoise I would focus on trying to make him feel ok about himself. A 5 year old should not have noticed things like this at all. They are picking up on the way you and your husband feel about it IMHO. He will get unhappy if he carries on thinking that way.

DixonD · 11/02/2022 23:22

@followthenoise

Thanks it's definitely not always 45 minutes of sit down with a book every day, may be 20 mins with school work, then 15 mins game then 10 minutes reading.

Yes @inheritancetrack they schools are private. We didn't think DC1 would thrive in a large class and then it's hard not to give all your kids the same opportunity...

My child is in a state school in a class of 12.

That’s half the size of the class in the private school we looked at sending her to.

Mine is in year 1 and summer born. She’s good at reading, and things like spelling come after mastering reading. We read together for 5 minutes a day. I think you’re doing too much.

CookieMunch · 11/02/2022 23:23

We had a similar situation with DC2 in year 3 although state school and no SEN as far as we’re aware. I found it really stressful trying to do lots of work to support (lockdowns didn’t help that) and it didn’t seem to help anyway so I got him a tutor (1 hour per week 121). He’d caught up within 4 months. Turns out he doesn’t learn well the way they teach at school. I just do a bit of reading with him and let the tutor (the expert!) handle it now and it’s a lot less stressful. Not a cheap option for sure but maybe worth considering if you can afford it

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:26

Chill. Out. They should not even have ‘homework’ at their age, let alone 45 mins. In many countries they wouldn’t even be in formal schooling yet - but you probably already know that.
Presuming they are in private school,
who set homework at this age because of parental expectation not because one single
Teacher thinks they need homework.
It DOES matter that they are summer born. I would hope at least that your teachers are taking that into account, but possibly not - again the private school expectation.
Read to your children. Read to them and play games. If they do music or an instrument get them to practice 10 mins a day. Other than that there’s nothing else you should be doing.

Furbulousnous · 11/02/2022 23:29

‘DC2 is very sad he is the only one in his class still on yellow book band.’

He shouldn’t even be aware that he is. Has an adult said something? A teacher? You? Or is he in the kind of hothouse atmosphere yhatbitbhas become a thing that he is.
Book bands should be for teachers and parents as a rough guide that’s it.

Lalliella · 11/02/2022 23:31

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Benjispruce5 · 11/02/2022 23:35

@Furbulousnous childcare very aware of book bands as they have numbers and colours. By year 2 they become aware of differences and can become competitive no matter how much we play it down.

Benjispruce5 · 11/02/2022 23:35

*Children are not childcare

MyIronLung46 · 11/02/2022 23:37

Its light, sunny and warm outside when they finish school.

Take them to a park and let them climb trees, get muddy, explore... make mistakes, ruin their clothes and learn their environment.

Play a sport, learn to interact with team mates., be a good person.

Thats all that matters

PicaK · 11/02/2022 23:45
  1. loads of primary kids are behind atm because of covid affecting their education. Plus often there isn't enough evidence in the books right now to justify a grading.
  2. what are school doing to help them - what interventions in place
  3. Are super academic folk the best ones to help mid range/slightly below kids. I really struggled to teach stuff I'd picked up effortlessly. I got a tutor in and used to listen in for tips as she was far, far better at identifying how my kid learnt.
StScholastica · 11/02/2022 23:56

In the words of Mary Poppins "When do they play?". Their mental health comes first, no way would I be allowing 45mins of homework a night.
My 3 DC were all like yours, 2 had a remedial teacher for maths in primary, ironic really as one is now doing maths at Durham Hmm and the other is doing a Masters in AI.
Let them enjoy being children, they will find their stride in their own time.

chompp · 12/02/2022 00:11

Very sad to read this. Let them play. Change schools.