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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move because dh inherited property?

641 replies

bowmejen3 · 11/02/2022 12:46

So I'm born and bred in Hackney. Met my husband here who is originally from south Manchester in one of the largest council estates In Europe apparently.

We've been married 10 years and have two children. (4 and 2 months)

We rent privately and was looking forward to getting on the shared ownership scheme this year! 4 year old settled in nursery waiting for reception etc! However DH has been very stressed and with rising living costs. We have not got much to spare each month after saving for our deposit.

Now here is my aibu.
Dh father recently died and left his house (ex council but bought) to dh. It has no mortgage left.

Dh thinks this is the best thing ever as we could move there (3 bed semi detached, big garden, driveway, extra room for washing etc)
Be mortgage free, near his family and have essentially more disposable income to enjoy life, holidays, other ventures etc.

I know I know it sounds perfect on paper... but I always envisioned raising my children in London but dh claims we are actually being selfish because potentially they will never be able to afford to live near us in the future and we may only ever own 25 percent of a flat!
And the area he is from has not got a great reputation...

I believe he could sell the house for around £240,000 (from Rightmove) and put it down for a deposit on a house in London!

Dh thinks I'm being ridiculous to want to not be mortgage free just for the sake of "London" and being snobby towards his childhood area? (Which I'm not)

Aibu?

OP posts:
LovelyIssues · 13/02/2022 11:05

100% agree with DH. Makes so much more sense

mtc2206 · 13/02/2022 11:50

I’m with DH. You don’t have to live in that area forever but it would put your whole family in a much better financial situation. Living near family has huge advantages, both for you and your kids if they can be nearer to grandparents and cousins. It’s possible to have a great experience of growing up, regardless of where you live. Good luck but I’d consider it!!

samsam123 · 13/02/2022 11:53

your husband is right, you would have a house why even contemplate staying in London

Bridewel1 · 13/02/2022 11:55

Yes I agree with dh. You'd be mortgage free, financially free. And free from the expense of living in London. You'd be mad not agree. Take the house, tart it up if it needed it and sell. Then you can move to another much nicer area of Manchester or Cheshire. Wythenshawe is only a short distance from the exclusive areas of Cheshire known as the golden triangle with the towns Wilmslow, Alderley edge, Prestbury where the wealthy live amongst some footballers and Corrie actors. Although there are some properties affordable within your budget in these areas. So I do your reserch on Manchester and nearby areas and give it some consideration.

CupOfCake · 13/02/2022 12:26

Keep the house, mortgage it, rent it out.
Use the money raised as a deposit for a flat in the area nearest to Hackney that has dropped the most post Covid.

CupOfCake · 13/02/2022 12:28

Pressed post too soon
That way, you are gaining two lots of equity, a small income above your costs from the rental and you get to stay in London. It's win, win

ErinTingey · 13/02/2022 12:47

If you move away, you'll never move back.

RussianSpy101 · 13/02/2022 13:14

@ErinTingey they should do it for this reason alone!

Parkmama · 13/02/2022 13:15

It's also a valid point about when your DC are older, it's unlikely they will be able to afford to live locally to you in London

saraclara · 13/02/2022 13:24

@Parkmama

It's also a valid point about when your DC are older, it's unlikely they will be able to afford to live locally to you in London
I grew up in the East Midlands and moved to the South East for my first job. As did my late DH, a Yorkshireman. We always intended to move back up north but never did.

My daughters, having been away for uni, returned here and don't plan to move away, probably partly because of the loss of their dad and us being a small family. We all like being within 40 minutes or so of each other.

Eldest and I were fans of Homes Under the Hammer, which often features the area where I grew up. Eldest has been known to half jokingly say "Why did you have to stay down here, mum?! Look at the houses I could buy up there!"
And she's right. Her tiny tiny terraced cottage cost as much 3/4 bed detached up there.

StargazerAli · 13/02/2022 14:02

This is something only you can decide. Both you and your husband have valid arguments; he understandably sees it as a way out of financial stress and you don't want to leave London, which is your home. Perhaps visit Manchester and find an area that you like and think you may be able to live in. I'm sure your husband would be willing to move a little further away from his family to make you happy.

On the other hand, if you would be leaving your family behind in London and feel that you really would find it a wrench to leave, he will hopefully see it from your side of the argument.

The danger is that if you leave London, you may never be able to afford to go back and it would feel too daunting a prospect to even attempt a few years down the line, once your children are settled etc.
Good luck!

HaveringWavering · 13/02/2022 14:07

[quote RussianSpy101]@HaveringWavering well I’m married and I assume she isn’t if she’s in a house share. Teachers in my city don’t live in house shares![/quote]
Well exactly. So you have two incomes to fund your lifestyle. Still struggling to understand why you think that comparing yourself to a single thirtysomething is relevant to a thread about London v Manchester?

planningtomakeaplan · 13/02/2022 14:12

@mtc2206

I’m with DH. You don’t have to live in that area forever but it would put your whole family in a much better financial situation. Living near family has huge advantages, both for you and your kids if they can be nearer to grandparents and cousins. It’s possible to have a great experience of growing up, regardless of where you live. Good luck but I’d consider it!!
No, it really wouldn't. As I've said upthread, I did exactly what the OP is suggesting, pretty much.

I cashed in a £150k investment (the equity from living in a Hackney flat for a decade) and spent it on an ex-council flat out of London.

And, I've lived mortgage free since.

Has it put my family in a better financial situation?

No. We're in a much worse financial situation. I have never earnt close to the salary I got in London. My peers who stayed there and continued to progress their career in London now earn double or even triple what we do as a family. It's a huge difference.

DP has limited opportunities for jobs in his field compared to London. The value of the flat I sold in London is now £450k more than the house we're in now - and that would all be equity - as London prices always go up more than the rest of the country, and there's been a boom in Hackney this last decade or so.

Not having a mortgage to worry about is good to not be stressed about. I'd be a lot less stressed if I had a load more money in the bank, though!

Money isn't everything and yes, moving out of London and having a nice life in an area you like is worth more to many people than the extra money you can make owning property and working in London.

But it's not that what the OP is proposing - she doesn't even want to live there - and it's not true that it will put them in a better situation financially. If the alternative is putting down a deposit on a property in London, then living in Wythenshaw could make them worse off in comparison.

RussianSpy101 · 13/02/2022 14:14

@HaveringWavering I’m a SAHM so no.
She would be able to afford to rent a full house or at least a flat for what she is paying in a flat share. That’s why it is relevant.

planningtomakeaplan · 13/02/2022 14:14

@CupOfCake

Pressed post too soon That way, you are gaining two lots of equity, a small income above your costs from the rental and you get to stay in London. It's win, win
I'm not sure that's such a good idea if you factor in capital gains tax?
ErinTingey · 13/02/2022 14:18

[quote RussianSpy101]@ErinTingey they should do it for this reason alone![/quote]
That's the biggest reason not to do it!

TiredSpice · 13/02/2022 18:17

My husband grew up round Northernden/Gatley. It’s next to Wythenshawe but much nicer esp Gatley - house prices massively on the rise. Sounds like a much better option!

WalkingOnTheCracks · 13/02/2022 18:57

@ouchmyfeet

Plus once you leave London, it's really hard to go back.

I don't know anyone who's ever wanted to go back Grin

Oh, I do.
JMR185 · 13/02/2022 19:23

I think it would largely depend on the employment potential in the Manchester area.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 13/02/2022 19:36

Team DH here so long as the area is ok for raising kids.

If it’s not then I’d sell up and have a look at where else in the country apart from London you fancy living/can find work etc. there’s more to life than London where everything is just so so expensive. I’d definitely go for a better quality of life elsewhere.

StupidAdvice · 13/02/2022 20:42

Team DH here so long as the area is ok for raising kids

It isn't.

What team are you on now?

Viviennemary · 13/02/2022 20:48

I very much doubt any of these posters saying Wythenshawe is a good place for bringing up a family of have ever been there. Or else they wouldn't be saying it.

baffledbunny · 14/02/2022 00:46

I still def think you should rent it out in Manchester and use the income , to fund your london house/lifestyle, at least until you decide what to do long-term. You could probably get around a grand a month according to this site: www.onthemarket.com/to-rent/3-bed-property/manchester/?atrkid=V3ADW27E06F3B_24747470779_dsa-110455741704__173906227195_g_c___&gclid=CjwKCAiA9aKQBhBREiwAyGP5lVK0HaA9v5PHOSxHZhnCpjfBnEqBfbDcBezF__2C5c2f16rqoK-YihoCKc0QAvD_BwE

That way you're making the property work for you, and if you keep it rented out, it's an investment pot for you for the future, either to fund your retirements, or to sell and pay off your london mortgage, maybe even pay for your kids' unis if they want to go, or set them with deposits of their own when they want to buy.

Plumnora · 14/02/2022 01:58

At first I though you were being unreasonable but actually, I totally see what you’re coming from. Manchester’s nice but it’s not London and if you’ve lived there all your life, I see why you don’t want to leave. But I also get where your DH is coming from. You want money left over at the end of the month to enjoy doing things with your kids and not just pouring it all in to a house in London. Could you compromise, sell the house and move to a different area altogether? That may cause less resentment…

TrashyPanda · 14/02/2022 13:10

@Viviennemary

I very much doubt any of these posters saying Wythenshawe is a good place for bringing up a family of have ever been there. Or else they wouldn't be saying it.
Hackney is not exactly somewhere I’d want to bring up a family either.

crimerate.co.uk/london/hackney

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