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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move because dh inherited property?

641 replies

bowmejen3 · 11/02/2022 12:46

So I'm born and bred in Hackney. Met my husband here who is originally from south Manchester in one of the largest council estates In Europe apparently.

We've been married 10 years and have two children. (4 and 2 months)

We rent privately and was looking forward to getting on the shared ownership scheme this year! 4 year old settled in nursery waiting for reception etc! However DH has been very stressed and with rising living costs. We have not got much to spare each month after saving for our deposit.

Now here is my aibu.
Dh father recently died and left his house (ex council but bought) to dh. It has no mortgage left.

Dh thinks this is the best thing ever as we could move there (3 bed semi detached, big garden, driveway, extra room for washing etc)
Be mortgage free, near his family and have essentially more disposable income to enjoy life, holidays, other ventures etc.

I know I know it sounds perfect on paper... but I always envisioned raising my children in London but dh claims we are actually being selfish because potentially they will never be able to afford to live near us in the future and we may only ever own 25 percent of a flat!
And the area he is from has not got a great reputation...

I believe he could sell the house for around £240,000 (from Rightmove) and put it down for a deposit on a house in London!

Dh thinks I'm being ridiculous to want to not be mortgage free just for the sake of "London" and being snobby towards his childhood area? (Which I'm not)

Aibu?

OP posts:
Lostinbrum · 12/02/2022 18:52

I dont get why the choice is London or Manchester. there are other places in the country to live. Im Essex/London born and raised. My family moved when i was 18 i stayed as I didnt want to go. When i moved to Leamington Spa for Uni i missed London soooo much. I couldnt wait to go back nothing was as good as the big city. But over time I got used to living in the Midlands and now live just outside of Birmingham. But this is as far north as Id ever go. Im a southerner and always will be. I would never ever consider a move further north to Manchester even if I could live in a free house. Honestly its a choice between you and your husband but you do need to go and check out the house and area etc

Mandyjack · 12/02/2022 18:58

With the way costs are rising I think DH is right and you should give Manchester a go. You don't have to stay in that house you could sell it and buy something in a nicer area. Manchester is a good place for jobs and social life. Give it 2/3 years up there and see if you really do miss London. You might find you don't as much as you think

Barney60 · 12/02/2022 19:05

This,
I’m team DH - but what I’d probably do is sell the house and then move to nice part of Manchester

I wouldn’t live in London if I was paid to though.

I wouldnt either, id sell inherited and buy elsewhere perhaps outright or small mortgage.
There are some lovely parts of Manchester.

isadoradancing123 · 12/02/2022 19:06

London every time, cant beat it, Manchester poor in comparison

Cyberattack · 12/02/2022 19:15

Sell the house and use the money as a deposit somewhere else.

MadKittenWoman · 12/02/2022 19:21

Yes, sounds like Wythenshawe. You wouldn’t want to bring your kids up there. I can’t imagine why it’s worth that much, but if that’s true sell it and use towards buying in a good area of south Manchester (Didsbury, Cheadle, etc). Or use as part of a deposit in a not-so-good to average area of London.

Fudgemonkeys · 12/02/2022 19:21

I can see your DH and your point of view, he may well have rose tinted glasses and you likewise for London. I hope you are able to joint decide so you can both be happy.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 12/02/2022 19:25

I’d say sell it and buy a place in or around London. But then I’m a Londoner.

More practically, if you both have never had a plan to move to Manchester, I think you’re well within your rights to say, “Whoa, hang on - economics or no economics, that’s not what we planned and, actually, not something I want to do.”

user1487636583 · 12/02/2022 19:39

I would choose moving to Manchester & just selling and moving to a slightly nicer area maybe with a small mortgage at most. Manchester is a wonderful city, and there are some lovely places to live.

Primrose1952 · 12/02/2022 19:48

Team DH. I grew up in London and would not want that for my children

Londoncallingme · 12/02/2022 19:55

Being raised in London is amazing - so much opportunity and high expectations. A little cheaper might be somewhere like St Albans where you can still reap the London benefits but housing more affordable - can be in london in 20 mins by train.
Or a massive council estate in Manchester! Are you kidding! NO WAY.
This thread is often full of London haters - I don’t know why they are never bitchy about other areas, all polite and middle class but Lindon brings out a nasty side in those who don’t live here - jealous I guess.

baffledbunny · 12/02/2022 20:18

Why don't you rent the property out while you decide. The income could help you with paying for the London property or rent and give you more disposable income.

Then when the kids are older the property could go onto to them and help them with buying their own, or they can continue to rent it out to help pay their rents etc.

lucybluebella26 · 12/02/2022 20:21

I'm with your husband on this one. The opportunity to actually own a house outright and never have to pay a mortgage, that's the type of security I would love to give my children, wherever that may be. It's not like they'll never experience London, especially with all the disposable income you'll now have, plus the stress it will take from you and husband would be priceless.

Reimu · 12/02/2022 20:22

I would personally pick safety and stability over expectations. You get a new house and you will eventually run out of the 240k or so and could be back on square one in payments, paying fully for a house is a lifetime commitment. In the U.S. the housing market is vicious, maybe where you are it's much better but that is my take on it.

romany4 · 12/02/2022 20:24

I'm team Dh.

I was born in the South east. Moved up North 31 years ago. Would never go back.
I'd sell the house in Manchester and move to Chester in a heartbeat

itsgettingweird · 12/02/2022 20:25

I'd also go for the third option.

Sell the house - combine with current deposit saved - buy somewhere that isn't London or a part of another city you don't want to live in.

It'll take research re jobs and areas etc but this is an opportunity to loo much further than your originals plans and you may find something you'd both much prefer.

RussianSpy101 · 12/02/2022 20:26

@Londoncallingme but there are lots of opportunity and high expectations elsewhere too.
Why do you assume everyone who doesn’t want to live in London is jealous of those who do?

I have a much, much better lifestyle than the few schoolmates of mine who have ended up in London and as an extension of that, our children have much better opportunities because we can afford them. There’s another thread running at the moment of a woman mid 30s still in a house share in london. At mid 30s!! That is absolutely mental to me. We’ve got 2 DC in private school at a similar age to her and our 3rd child starts next year and we own a 5 bed detached house with a really small mortgage. DD has sport lessons at an amazing facility that GB athletes train at. I really don’t see how our life would be in anyway enriched by living in London. We certainly wouldn’t have 4/5 holidays abroad a year like we do now.

handsanitiser · 12/02/2022 20:27

Prices in Hackney are likely to rise faster - plus there are some brilliant schools in the borough, and it’s a really vibrant area. I’m with you, OP

AuntyBumBum · 12/02/2022 20:55

@Bogasphodel

It won’t be 240k if he sells as he may have to pay Capital Gains Tax……
He won't have to pay. The £240k is free from CGT. It doesn't apply to inheritances.
mazmum21987 · 12/02/2022 20:57

To give a slightly different take on it. I live in a borough just outside of London, one that on paper it’s very attractive, and one of the wealthiest in the country but the reality is different. I also live in a shared ownership property. We had every intention of only being here a few years and then moving on, however with shared ownership there are ever increasing costs- the rent goes up every year without fail - as does the service charges- it’s well known you pay a premium on rent and service for shared ownership. I only share this as it’s something to consider that if you don’t have much spare money now, you’ll need to ensure your income increases yearly to cover this.

We’ve now been here 8 years and no signs of getting out soon. Yes we’ve made money on our share, but everything else around us has gone up too, and we tied here due to work.

Life these days is so busy and too short, often throughout the time of striving to afford to buy a home and all the things we want for our ‘future’ we forget to actually live in the present , and before we know it 5-10 years have passed. In all honestly I love my home I really do, but if I was asked to do shared ownership again, i would have some reservations but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I’m not trying to burst your bubble, but if you can be mortgage free with a young family and enjoy life to the fullest then grab it with both hands. Nothing is forever and you can always sell and move when your financially more comfortable.

AuntyBumBum · 12/02/2022 21:01

@Blondeshavemorefun

Surely you can see a house with garden you own mortgage free if far better then a flat you rent /part own/share
You cunningly omitted to mention Manchester Grin
PrincessSpanky · 12/02/2022 21:05

U

PrincessSpanky · 12/02/2022 21:05

Oops sorry didn't mean to post Grin

AuntyBumBum · 12/02/2022 21:07

@Sceptre86
You are being snobby.
A very unappealing trait.

I'd take Manchester over London anyway but I'm a mancunian so biased. I'd sell his childhood home and buy in a nicer part of Manchester with good schooling.
You are being snobby.

planningtomakeaplan · 12/02/2022 21:07

@Tealightsandd

have spent a lot of time in the area, which isn't too bad but it's what I witness on the community group that scares me. Every night DH is like "Oh look a old school friends daughter has been attacked on the tram" "Oh another house robbed " "Another child stabbed"

Did you grow up in an obscure sleepy village that just so happened to share its name with an inner London borough, OP?

Because otherwise I'm quite bemused. It's impossible to grow up in inner London (or even outer London nowadays) and not be very aware of the daily stabbings and other violent crime.

That includes in and around the social housing estates of Hackney. (And no, I'm not being a snob. I have relatives who grew up in Hackney social housing).

Seriously. If you really are from Hackney, you'll find Manchester no worse - and perhaps better.

I can completely understand not wanting to leave your home city - particularly if you want to stay close to family and support networks. But you don't mention your family (are you close? Do they still live in London?) and seem fixated on a fear that Manchester...because of the crime that so blights London!

If that's the only thing holding you back, you'd be mad not to take the opportunity. A cramped overpriced, likely shoddily constructed, new build in London - that you only part own and still have to pay rent on. Or a spacious, owned outright house with a garden in a different in a different city - where your dc will have family around (you mention your DH's family still being in or near to Manchester).

It's a no brainer. I say that as a born and bred Londoner.

Sorry, but I don't think you really understand London.

That includes in and around the social housing estates of Hackney.

Yes, there are estates in Hackney. But it's nothing like Manchester, and particularly nothing like the area the OP is considering moving to.

in Hackney, as much of London (with the exception of the bit of Clapton near the river) there aren't large areas of social housing.

Instead, there are pockets of social housing and well-to-do housing cheek and jowl next to each other. And there were, going back a few years, loads of council house properties Victorian houses of flat conversions, in hackney and in Islington too. (I suspect most of these have been sold off now).

It's really, really mixed. Clapton, E5, is home to Pembury and Nightingale Estates which had a reputation back in the day, for example but also a plethora of artisan bakeries, craft beer distilleries, trendy wanker media types. (No offence to trendy wanker media types honest Grin.

The front line (e.g. where crack was sold) was in places like Cricketfield Road and - going back further - Sandringham Road - roads of Victorian houses, not dark seedy estates, where many people could quite happily live in ignorance for a while at least, not realising the extent of what was going on right under their noses.