To move because dh inherited property?

[bowmejen3]

So I'm born and bred in Hackney. Met my husband here who is originally from south Manchester in one of the largest council estates In Europe apparently.

We've been married 10 years and have two children. (4 and 2 months)

We rent privately and was looking forward to getting on the shared ownership scheme this year! 4 year old settled in nursery waiting for reception etc! However DH has been very stressed and with rising living costs. We have not got much to spare each month after saving for our deposit.

Now here is my aibu.
Dh father recently died and left his house (ex council but bought) to dh. It has no mortgage left.

Dh thinks this is the best thing ever as we could move there (3 bed semi detached, big garden, driveway, extra room for washing etc)
Be mortgage free, near his family and have essentially more disposable income to enjoy life, holidays, other ventures etc.

I know I know it sounds perfect on paper... but I always envisioned raising my children in London but dh claims we are actually being selfish because potentially they will never be able to afford to live near us in the future and we may only ever own 25 percent of a flat!
And the area he is from has not got a great reputation...

I believe he could sell the house for around £240,000 (from Rightmove) and put it down for a deposit on a house in London!

Dh thinks I'm being ridiculous to want to not be mortgage free just for the sake of "London" and being snobby towards his childhood area? (Which I'm not)

Aibu?

@Londoncallingme move to St Albans for cheaper housing ha ha ha - are you having a laugh?

St Albans is one of the most expensive areas in the country to buy and Thameslink (or whatever it's called nowadays) is ropey. I used to live there, could only afford a tiny terraced house when we wanted a 4 bed detached so moved away. A lot of my friends have stayed and they go on about it in much the same way as OP talks about Hackney. They think it is an amazing place in their smallish houses, nice but not the be all and end all

I'm from Hackney, born and bred, and there's a HUGE difference to the Hackney I grew up in, even when the gang culture was rife, and a sprawling estate in south Manchester.

And, anyway, those days are gone. These days, it's full of rich people, it's been gentrified to fuck!

It's a world away from south Manchester. Seriously.

No, YANBU. If everyone thought like your DH, everyone would live up North. Location matters. London is where you live, met him and lived married life with him for 10 years. After all that it's not fair for him to think you'll drop everything and go live in, where was it? Manchester?
You were going to buy a property anyway, sell his house and put it towards the deposit. Or rent it out and that will be extra income to help with mortgage payments. And why does he think that your kids won't be able to afford to live near you, talking of having no faith in him raising successful human beings, pff. Seems like 10 years of marriage were wasted on you guys if he knows you so little.

@Pipsquiggle
*@Londoncallingme move to St Albans for cheaper housing ha ha ha - are you having a laugh?

St Albans is much cheaper.

Haven't had time to RTFT so sorry if this has already been suggested. Would you consider renting the house out for some time? Then perhaps look for your own house just outside of London, a short commute back into London for any activities at the weekend with the kids. I'm from Camden but moved out of London a few years ago. It's great to go back for the day but I wouldn't buy there. Not when you can get so much more for your money just outside of London

Some very bigoted anti London sentiment here! Anyone would think Manchester was crime free! An anti knife crime campaign was launched in Manchester just yesterday! Ffs!
They are both great cities and kids can have a fantastic childhood in both places.
I think you have to ask DH why he moved to London and was happy to settle there? I don't think it's fair to say it's selfish to stay in London because he was happy to live there before his inheritance. You don't mention the job situation which clearly has to be a factor, but I can see the draw of living mortgage free tbh. The suggestion of selling the property and finding an affordable alternative somewhere you'd both be happy seems to be the compromise.. but some soul searching and calm conversation needs to be had between you both. Did he know you've always wanted to bring the kids up in London? Did he always want to go back to Manchester deep down? What's the deal breaker for you both? Good luck

@Daphodils

"St Albans and Harpenden named expensive property hotspots | Herts Advertiser" www.hertsad.co.uk/lifestyle/property/st-albans-and-harpenden-make-most-expensive-list-8021102

[quote Pipsquiggle]@Daphodils

"St Albans and Harpenden named expensive property hotspots | Herts Advertiser" www.hertsad.co.uk/lifestyle/property/st-albans-and-harpenden-make-most-expensive-list-8021102[/quote]
Thanks @Pipsquiggle, I hadn't seen that.

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. I'm one of these people who is very affected by location (and there are several factors that go into it). So something that is good on paper does not mean I'd be happy. I know there are people who can just move and it's not big deal and say something about "as long as you kids a either you you'd be happy wherever". It's just not something that works for me.

I think that maybe you haven't sat down and written a list of pros and cons of each option.

Having lived in London all mu life I'd never want to bring up children there, especially near Hackney, sorry. Although I understand it has been gentrified, it's still Hackney and still London.

We moved out of London to have children and it was the best decision we ever made. Quality of life is so much better in every way. When we want to go into London we do, but are glad to leave a d go home. Our house feels safe, even when I forget to lock the door, I walk the dogs at 10pm not looking over my shoulder, my children are relaxed at school with no stress. I was running the gauntlet at school, in breaks and on transport on the way home every day. So much so I walked when I could. Not an experience I would wish my children to have if it could be avoided.

No mortgage in these times is priceless. It fees you both up from stress and the uncertainty of covering these massive bills, if the unexpected happens.

Sit down and write a pro/con list for both options. Take your time. Ask your partner to do the same and then meet together and respectfully swap lists and then discuss. Go away for a while before re-discussing it further.

You may find your thoughts may change.

I'd never move back to London, for any reason.

Sorry, but I don't think you really understand London.

I'm a born and bred Londoner. With family from Hackney (social housing estates) and friends who currently live in the borough. I have friends and family living all over London. So actually I do understand London.

But I don't think you seem to understand my posts. We seem to be saying the same thing - that the borough of Hackney is indeed very mixed.

I never suggested the social housing in Hackney was the same as in Manchester, but that isn't relevant to my point. OP was concerned about crime in Manchester but lives in a part of London with a high crime rate.

Clearly some of Manchester's social housing is mixed. OP's DH inherited home is a right to buy. I assume his parents weren't the only ones on the estate to do that. Whether as mixed as London, well that's another matter. But then OP's concerns were about crime rates, not social housing.

Although I understand it has been gentrified, it's still Hackney and still London.

This. It is very mixed. Gentrified parts, yes, but also a lot of deprivation.

That's not to say it's a terrible place. It's got positives and negatives. Whether to live there or not, like most places, is a matter of personal preference really. We all have different tastes, priorities, needs, and budgets.

Personally I would prefer a mortgage free house over a mortgaged flat, but what's right for me isn't best for somebody else.

OP doesn't mention her own family. If she's close to them and they're still in Hackney, she might want to stay nearby.

Mortgage free is indeed priceless, but then sometimes so too is being near family. It's a hard choice for OP if her family are in London but her DH's are in Manchester - with both of them craving their home city.

For me living in London is the last thing I’d want to do.

If you’re not bothered about work/friends/family down there then I would certainly move up north! You can’t beat Manchester 😉 even if you sell the council house and move to a ‘nice’ bit of the northwest you’ll have a better quality of life and more spare cash than if you stay in London

@ShittyFingers

I’m team DH - but what I’d probably do is sell the house and then move to nice part of Manchester

I wouldn’t live in London if I was paid to though

This!

It's perfectly safe for many families and individuals. But it is absolutely not 'all gentrified and chi chi'. It is very mixed.

www.hackneygazette.co.uk/news/crime/report-on-knife-crime-in-hackney-8438082

Hackney had worst knife crime rate in London, report finds

Hackney youth worker James Cook MBE said: “The figures don’t surprise me. Some people think that Hackney is a new trendy area, but there’s no point in gentrifying it when there’s so much poverty and drug issues around.”

James, who runs youth boxing centre The Pedro Club, has lived in Hackney for 42 years. He said gang violence has increased since he moved to the area.

“Years ago, this was happening every month or every few weeks," James said. "Now it’s every day. It feels like America, not London."

I'd say just a little unreasonable. Dh has a valid point but ho wouldn't want to be mortgage free and London I'd just so expensive. So I get your point and your used to London and your daughters getting settled it doesn't seem nice uprooting to a council estate. But I'd at at least think about it. You could always give it ago and tart the house up then sell and move to a nicer area in Manchester or just outside Manchester. If it's in the area I'm thinking of which is called Wythenshawe then it's quite near to Cheshire. If you've heard of the exclusive area in Cheshire known as the golden triangle where a lot of wealthy people live including some footballers and coronation st cast known as the Cheshire set then this is within 20 minutes drive from Wythenshawe. The golden triangle consists of the towns Wilmslow, Alderley edge, Prestbury and Altringham. So you have options. Being mortgage free and as I said sell the house and move to a nicer area nearby. London is just to expensive in my opinion. And do your reserch find out about the area, and surrounding areas. You could join a local Manchester fb group and ask members about the area. I'd certainly give it some consideration.

Manchester is much better than it was. But moving from vibrant hipster Hackney to Wythenshawe would be like moving from Real Madrid to Alloa Athletic. Can you do that to yourself and your kids? Sell the bloody house ASAP

If you can work from anywhere, compromise. The exact mid point between London and Manchester is Coventry. Some of it's neighbouring towns e.g. Rugby, are lovely, some lovely properties, at a more competitive price than London.

Ntah

Inheriting a house is not s reason to suddenly move. I presume when you've been saving for a house up until now, he's never expressed a wish that you ought to be looking at buying a house in Manchester? So why does he think it's ok to suddenly change plans now? Inheriting the house (& selling) ought to just make it easier to move towards whatever plans you already had in place, not completely change them.

www.statista.com/statistics/288221/number-of-homicides-uk-by-region/

2020/21 there were 119 homicide offences recorded in London, the most of any region of the United Kingdom during that time period. North West England, which includes the large city of Manchester had 112 homicides, and had the second highest number of homicides.

@Tealightsandd

www.statista.com/statistics/288221/number-of-homicides-uk-by-region/

2020/21 there were 119 homicide offences recorded in London, the most of any region of the United Kingdom during that time period. North West England, which includes the large city of Manchester had 112 homicides, and had the second highest number of homicides.

What's your point?

The population of London is about 9 million, and the population of Manchester is about half a million.

Could the issue be more of an emotional one? I know that DH was torn when his parent died and his family home went for sale as was his sibling. Our whole life was set up in a completely different town, and whilst we could possibly have bought out hi sibling, it would have been a stretch. There was something final about saying goodbye to the house. Especially if he has only recently inherited it /FIL died. Months of clearing it out made it feel less like the old family home.

I personally would sell it and have it plus a mortgage somewhere you both want to live. Do also look into local schools, obviously there are great schools everywhere but some are nicer than others. I think over time he might be prepared to sell that house but maybe consider whether there is a value in buying somewhere cheaper than London with more space.

Even if I had a free house offered, I wouldn't go to Manchester.

London is by far the better choice, I don't understand the people saying differently and can only assume you don't know London that well. There is so much to do, kids would never be bored a day in their lives!

Plus once you leave London, it's really hard to go back. Rentals are thin on the ground and property prices will only go up. With a £200k plus deposit you've a shot at owning in London, I don't think that will be the case in a few short years. Do it whilst you can!

Plus once you leave London, it's really hard to go back.

I don't know anyone who's ever wanted to go back

noooooooooo don't go - stay in London

it's hard to be a Londoner out of London

I have tried - it's horrible - got back here as soon as I could.

Sell the house in Manchester and use the money for a place of your own down here.