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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting with DP - AIBU to think I don't have to pay back his mortgage contributions?

157 replies

StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:00

Shaking while writing so bear with me. Long back story, but me and 'D'P are splitting up - literally as of about 10 minutes ago. We've had a joint mortgage for 8 years. My parents paid the deposit which is protected. I want to stay here with the DCs and can afford to do so. I was assuming we would transfer the mortage into my name and then would somehow (by remortgaging?) release half the increase in value of the property to him. He thinks I will be forced to pay him half of the mortgage contributions from the last 8 years? So he will essentially have lived here for free that whole time? I just said to him 'I don't think that's how it works' and he lost his temper "THAT MONEY IS MINE, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME EVERYTHING...". I'm scared and shaky but trying to work out if that's true? Because then I can't afford to keep the house.
YABU - yep, you'll have to pay his mortgage contributions back
YANBU - nope, just the increase in value, divided by two

OP posts:
Lavender24 · 11/02/2022 12:04

I'm no expert in this field but I'm pretty sure that's not how it works? As like you said he will have lived there for free if this happens.

Shoxfordian · 11/02/2022 12:06

Are you safe? He sounds quite aggressive
Call the police if you need to

ChittyBangs · 11/02/2022 12:07

No, he doesn't get his 8 years worth of payments back.

Theunamedcat · 11/02/2022 12:07

If he is scaring you call the police

And he is fucking delusional if he thinks that's how it works

underneaththeash · 11/02/2022 12:07

Of course you don't. Just don't engage..

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 11/02/2022 12:08

I think you need legal advice op and I'd suggest putting this in the legal matters topic. You might have to buy him out the house but as you have children it's not necessarily 50/50.

I hope you are ok and are safe.

StationaryMagpie · 11/02/2022 12:08

er no, you don't have to pay him half the mortgage payments.

AllOfUsAreDead · 11/02/2022 12:09

@Theunamedcat

If he is scaring you call the police

And he is fucking delusional if he thinks that's how it works

This.

What would he do if he was selling his house, demand the bank pay him back the payments? Nutter..

Get a solicitor and tell him to do one.

Pebbledashery · 11/02/2022 12:09

Get yourself a really good solicitor.
Call the police, he sounds abusive.

StationaryMagpie · 11/02/2022 12:09

and yes, if he's being an aggressive shit weasel, don't be scared to call the police. your safety is paramount.

NoSquirrels · 11/02/2022 12:09

I suppose he could have his 50% payments back and no increase in value, if he wants it that way. He’d lose out more.

Clearly he won’t get increase in value PLUS all payments made - that would make no sense.

Stay safe.
Stop talking money for now if it’s all very recent.
Don’t panic.

Flowers
Pembertonrd · 11/02/2022 12:11

I'm no expert but I don't think you have to pay back his mortgage contributions. As pointed out he doesn't get 8 years free accommodation.
Doesn't bode well though for future negotiations.

Dyrene · 11/02/2022 12:11

I agree, call the police if he’s scary.

And call a solicitor to get proper advice about what you are entitled to and the processes you’ll go through.

Waspie · 11/02/2022 12:11

It's not true, you both own the property so you both make contributions. You don't get these back if you chose to leave.

In fact, he may not even get 50% of the value if you have your children living with you and you contributed the deposit. Please don't worry. Get a good lawyer and don't try to deal with this person by yourself. He may just be angry at the moment and emotional and will calm down and realise he is being a dick, but, honestly, it's better to get a decent lawyer and let them deal with it. Yes it'll cost more than doing it yourself but you may well come out of the process better off.

Yes, you would remortgage and remove his name from the mortgage and house ownership. You pay his % off from the remortgage. But please don't worry about this now. It's way too soon and raw. Take care of yourself and your children Flowers

Kite22 · 11/02/2022 12:12

@NoSquirrels

I suppose he could have his 50% payments back and no increase in value, if he wants it that way. He’d lose out more.

Clearly he won’t get increase in value PLUS all payments made - that would make no sense.

Stay safe.
Stop talking money for now if it’s all very recent.
Don’t panic.

Flowers

This.
GeneLovesJezebel · 11/02/2022 12:12

I agree, call the police if you’re scared.

minionsrule · 11/02/2022 12:12

He is trying to make you think you can't afford to do this so you will back down.
I've never heard of anyone getting a refund on their mortgage payments, imagine if you had been married 20 years, no one could afford to get divorced

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:12

Thanks, all, I'm safe as in he's never hit me. But I'm scared of him at this moment in time. He's in the room - I'm WFH, so is he - so just trying to get on with work with my headphones on.

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 11/02/2022 12:12

Why do you think he's only entitled to half of the increased value while you get to retain the benefit of the equity that's been accrued and paid off?

D0lphine · 11/02/2022 12:13

Dig out your paperwork and keep it somewhere safe (friend? At work?).

Call a solicitor and make an appointment right away. Do it now.

Agree to phone the police.

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:15

Thanks for all the responses, 'don't panic' probably exactly what I need to do right now. And breathe.

OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 11/02/2022 12:15

Surely it's a 50% split of the equity to date. So you buy him out on those terms and take over the remaining part of the mortgage.

But he doesn't just get half the increased value and 0% of what he's paid off for the last ten years

But I do agree he's acting like an aggressive cunt

Keepitonthedownlow · 11/02/2022 12:15

Speak to a lawyer

BlankaBanka · 11/02/2022 12:16

Do not agree to anything without legal advice!!!!!!

Bonheurdupasse · 11/02/2022 12:16

You will implicitly by having to give him his share of the equity in the house.