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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting with DP - AIBU to think I don't have to pay back his mortgage contributions?

157 replies

StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:00

Shaking while writing so bear with me. Long back story, but me and 'D'P are splitting up - literally as of about 10 minutes ago. We've had a joint mortgage for 8 years. My parents paid the deposit which is protected. I want to stay here with the DCs and can afford to do so. I was assuming we would transfer the mortage into my name and then would somehow (by remortgaging?) release half the increase in value of the property to him. He thinks I will be forced to pay him half of the mortgage contributions from the last 8 years? So he will essentially have lived here for free that whole time? I just said to him 'I don't think that's how it works' and he lost his temper "THAT MONEY IS MINE, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME EVERYTHING...". I'm scared and shaky but trying to work out if that's true? Because then I can't afford to keep the house.
YABU - yep, you'll have to pay his mortgage contributions back
YANBU - nope, just the increase in value, divided by two

OP posts:
belle40 · 11/02/2022 16:31

Sorry OP but this is not how it works. I would also seek legal advice but essentially he would get back anything he put in (assuming it was protected) and half the equity. This was the legal position when I split from someone and we owned a house together. Don't let him spook you but do get good legal advice so you can move forward from a secure position of knowledge.

DumpedByText · 11/02/2022 16:34

Just tell him a solicitor will advise you both on how to proceed and then shut the conversation down. No point in getting into it if he's that aggressive. You know he's wrong but he won't believe you, so leave it to the professionals.

Aprilx · 11/02/2022 16:40

@DumpedByText

Just tell him a solicitor will advise you both on how to proceed and then shut the conversation down. No point in getting into it if he's that aggressive. You know he's wrong but he won't believe you, so leave it to the professionals.
He is wrong, but so is the OP. And the OP is further of the mark than he is. A solicitor will clear up the misunderstandings all round.
T00Ts · 11/02/2022 17:40

Slightly concerned that MNHQ refused to delete a thread despite the OP fearing her aggressive soon-to-be-ex husband had found it. But they’ll delete a thread about because some idiotic OP got rinsed and ‘had second thoughts’…

CrinklyCraggy · 11/02/2022 17:44

@T00Ts

Slightly concerned that MNHQ refused to delete a thread despite the OP fearing her aggressive soon-to-be-ex husband had found it. But they’ll delete a thread about because some idiotic OP got rinsed and ‘had second thoughts’…
I'm not why sure threads get deleted. Don't assume it's because an OP complained because it went against them. I had a thread where I definitely overshared and was taking a bit of a pasting. It was removed for not being in the spirt or something, but I didn't complain or ask for it to be taken down. I can only assume others reported on my behalf
mathanxiety · 11/02/2022 18:38

See a solicitor. You will find you are in a better position than he says you are in.

Call the police if he is behaving in a manner that causes you to fear for your safety. This includes punching walls, kicking furniture, threatening you.

mathanxiety · 11/02/2022 19:40

Can you hold off the builders?

This is not a good time for you to start fiddling with the value of the property.

mjf981 · 11/02/2022 19:52

Check if half the increase in value of the house plus half the reduction in the mortgage (since he started paying) is worth more than his total contribution. If so, you could be quids by just paying him back his contributions!

TeenTitan007 · 11/02/2022 20:53

@chesirecat99 explanation makes most sense. It's not a straightforward A-B = C/2 calculation.

OP will get a ratio of the increase proportional to her deposit followed by a % of the remaining. Her DP's contributions will sit in his % of the equity. The interest he has paid will square off with the rent we would've otherwise paid. So he won't be losing the money he paid into the house - he will get that back and some more when OP buys him out by remortgaging.

Capri3 · 12/02/2022 08:56

@belle40

Sorry OP but this is not how it works. I would also seek legal advice but essentially he would get back anything he put in (assuming it was protected) and half the equity. This was the legal position when I split from someone and we owned a house together. Don't let him spook you but do get good legal advice so you can move forward from a secure position of knowledge.
That makes no sense. If OP pays him back what he paid in, why would he also be entitled to half of the equity? He wouldn’t have paid anything at all towards the mortgage, and therefore wouldn’t be entitled to any increase in equity.

As PP have said, if they had had a mortgage for 30 years, there’s no way OP would have to pay back 30 years of mortgage contributions, plus the increase in value.

If you were going to work it out that way, then both OP and her OH get back all of their contributions, OP also gets her deposit back, then you split any remaining increase in equity. Depending on the area they live in that may not be a very large amount of money.

monkeysox · 12/02/2022 09:02

She will get a higher % of equity as deposit was hers

monkeysox · 12/02/2022 09:03

Teentitan explains it well

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 09:08

He’s entitled to 50/50 of joint assets usually. But if you’re staying with kids and paid the deposit then you may get more of house. You may not be able to stay though and big him out so be prepared for that news. Does he want his kids 50:50? If so he’ll need to have enough to buy ahis own place to house them.
Get some legal advice. Then get a mediator.
Hopefully it will all calm down for you.
And no, you don’t have to give him back his bloody mortgage payments. What a dickhead.

NewtoHolland · 12/02/2022 09:09

I'm really shocked that MN wouldn't remove a post where there is a clear risk of domestic abuse towards the poster!!
I would be asking the moderator to put you in touch with their manager as that's a clear reason why a post should be removed.

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 09:10

And cancel that building work! You’ll be adding value to the property that you will then have to give to him. Press pause on that for now.
It can take a LONG time to come to an agreement on financials and separation esp. if he refuses to leave the hse.

Furbulousnous · 12/02/2022 09:14

h, you’re not married.
So it is just the hse that needs spitting. You can do that quite quickly and also quickly get a financial
Separation order too.

Bunnycat101 · 12/02/2022 09:18

I think the fairest way would be to determine what percentage of the purchase price your deposit represented and then split the rest equally

Eg deposit = 125k on a 500k property = 25%
Property now worth £700k so you’d get £140k back and then split the remaining equity according to the percentage of payments paid.

But it really depends on the way you brought the property given you’re not married.

Dreamstate · 12/02/2022 09:21

What yabu!!!! If this was other way round everyone would be saying it.

He is right to a certain degree. At the time of splitting the value of the house minus protected deposit is split. E.g. deposit 25k House value is 200k, leaving 175k to split

The bit that he might not be right on is whether its a 50:50 split of that 175k
Mostly becuase yo have children that tends to change it.

But you are wrong to say its a split of the increase only. Otherwise you are keeping his mortgage payments he paid and getting free money.

That is why u need legal advice as does he.

But if my partner turned round and said what u said I'd be absolutely 💯 be fuming and angry too.

AgathaMystery · 12/02/2022 09:25

@Furbulousnous

And cancel that building work! You’ll be adding value to the property that you will then have to give to him. Press pause on that for now. It can take a LONG time to come to an agreement on financials and separation esp. if he refuses to leave the hse.
I agree.

You do not have to have it done. Certainly not this week. I would seriously cancel the builders.

THisbackwithavengeance · 12/02/2022 09:26

@Dreamstate

What yabu!!!! If this was other way round everyone would be saying it.

He is right to a certain degree. At the time of splitting the value of the house minus protected deposit is split. E.g. deposit 25k House value is 200k, leaving 175k to split

The bit that he might not be right on is whether its a 50:50 split of that 175k
Mostly becuase yo have children that tends to change it.

But you are wrong to say its a split of the increase only. Otherwise you are keeping his mortgage payments he paid and getting free money.

That is why u need legal advice as does he.

But if my partner turned round and said what u said I'd be absolutely 💯 be fuming and angry too.

Indeed.

Op is proposing ripping the man off big time and he has rightly got angry and shouted. And then everyone says call the police. Hmm

OP: just buy the man out. You can get a lawyer and get 60% rather than 40% I suppose but whether that extra 10% is worth your lawyer's costs, only you can judge. I'd try and keep it amicable personally.

sueelleker · 12/02/2022 10:10

And if you'd been renting, would he want his rent payments back? YANBU

HomeHomeInTheRange · 12/02/2022 15:45

The Equity is made up of any capital paid off as part of the mortgage repayments plus any increase in value.

His share therefore is
The market value of the house, minus the outstanding mortgage, minus the OP’s deposit, divided by two.

If he thinks this is unfair, he needs to STFU. The OP’s savings created the deposit that enabled them to buy and him to have a house to live in and any equity at all, and if it is simply the cash value of the deposit that was ringfenced then in the sun above he is actually walking away with half the increase in value of the OP’s deposit.

OP, hopefully your deposit is clearly named in the Deed in which you bought as Tenants In Common? In which case the solicitor that handles the sale of his share to you can distribute the monies as per the Deed.

I very much hope that the money for the extension has been similarly protected.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 12/02/2022 15:49

AFAIK having children is not relevant because they are not married.

In a divorce a joint asset can be split to take account of the need to house children but this is not a divorce. The house is owned as stated in the Deec when they bought, and will be divided accordingly.

LittleMissTake · 12/02/2022 16:42

You’re getting some good and poor advice on here OP.

Please see a solicitor.

To calculate your DP’s share of the equity you need to ascertain how the house is owned legally and how your deposit is protected.

Good luck OP.

Keepitonthedownlow · 12/02/2022 18:42

If you buy a house and sell it you get your money back. You pay interest however you also get increases in value. Of the ex gets his contributions back then he will not have paid 'interest' on the borrowing, however if he forgos any of the capital appreciation that seems fair.

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