Splitting with DP - AIBU to think I don't have to pay back his mortgage contributions?

[StepAwayFromGoogling]

Shaking while writing so bear with me. Long back story, but me and 'D'P are splitting up - literally as of about 10 minutes ago. We've had a joint mortgage for 8 years. My parents paid the deposit which is protected. I want to stay here with the DCs and can afford to do so. I was assuming we would transfer the mortage into my name and then would somehow (by remortgaging?) release half the increase in value of the property to him. He thinks I will be forced to pay him half of the mortgage contributions from the last 8 years? So he will essentially have lived here for free that whole time? I just said to him 'I don't think that's how it works' and he lost his temper "THAT MONEY IS MINE, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME EVERYTHING...". I'm scared and shaky but trying to work out if that's true? Because then I can't afford to keep the house.
YABU - yep, you'll have to pay his mortgage contributions back
YANBU - nope, just the increase in value, divided by two

Definitely not a lawyer but on the top of my head I always assumed that say you had a 220k house. 20k was your deposit. And then had a 200k mortgage where you paid off 100k then each would be entitled to 50k if you pay equal amounts.

With the not selling until DC are 18 I understand the reasons to keep DC in s stable environment but doesn't it also potentially leave the party without the house up shit creek? And what happens if the party that is able to stay in the house then moves?

@AndTime

I would put the builders back a few days and get the house valued as is by 3 estate agents or you may find you end up owing him half the raised value created by extending too!

I would cancel the builders if you can…..

Gaaah sorry ignore me OP, just realised you're not married . Still holds true on getting your own advice though,

"At its most basic a long marriage means all matrimonial assets are joint assets (other than if protected and even then adjustments can be made depending on need)."

I think the use of DP by the op means they're not married or at least that's the assumption people are working off

Well it's either/or isn't it? Either he gets his 8 years of mortgage payments back and NO split of equity or he gets half the equity.

Not both.

Definitely cancel the builders until things are sorted so you don’t end up owing him half of the additional value of the extension.

Otherwise he should get half of the current house value after taking off the outstanding mortgage and your protected deposit. Whether that equates to more or less than what he’s paid in depends on the interest rates and how much the value of the property has increased.

It sounds like you will be well rid of him OP.

When I split with my exhusband

We got three valuation quotes
Went with the middle one
Then took away the remaining mortgage
And split the rest 50/50 our children were over 18yrs

He gave me £7000 more as long as I left everything behind.

I walked out with my clothes and personal items

Neither of you are right.

You don't need to give him his payments back but you will almost certainly need to give him more than half the increase in value.

OP is legally single, so people’s divorce stories aren’t really relevant though.

Breathe & keep doing that! It's quite important 🤣

Don't let him intimidate you.

You definitely need a good solicitor!

As others have said, neither of you are right.

Are the kids his?

Get the house value asap, by a decent company who know why you're getting it valued. The lower the value the better, for now.

You'll be ok, sounds like your parents can help if you need a guarantor or anything.

As others have said, he's never been violent before, but there's always a first time.

Do your parents live nearby? Woukd they pop around for a cuppa this afternoon, maybe wait for the kids coming home from school & stsy for dinner...?!

Call the police if you get scared.

Coukd you ask him to leave? Could he work from a cafe & stay at a mates?

you would be effectively paying him twice if he was right!!

using random figures.

• You bought the house for £100k and you have a deposit of £10k
• House was bought 5 years ago and in that time you have paid £25k in mortgage payments. (this includes interest so only actually paid off £5k equity)
• House is now worth £150k.
• mortgage remaining is 20 years

He is proposing:
You pay him half of the mortgage payments £12.5K and half of the increase in value Minus protected deposit) - £20k

you would then be left with a mortgage for £117.5 (85k original + 32.5k to buy him out), discounting you deposit you would then have 22.5k equitymakin you 10k worse off than him!

The money paid on mortgage payments is servicing the debt. any money he has paid towards the actual mortgage equity would be seen in the increase of the house price.

The fairest way would be to split it:

House is now worth £150k.
remaining mortgage is 85k
equity in house is 65k minus your protected desposit of 10k = 55k
that split is £27.5k each
so that is how much you need to give him.

If he had the payments back it would make it as though he didn’t have any invested interest in the property, I’d hazard a guess that his 50% of the increase in value is worth more. He sounds like he is being wholly stupid but if things are difficult it will be hard to explain and reason. I’d try minimising for now, things like I don’t think that’s how it works or lets see what the bank says because either way he should know you can’t just magic any of the money he might be due out of thin air. Sorry for you being in this situation

No you will not have to pay past mortgage contributions. You will have to value the house at the current market price and gave him whatever percentage you agreed between you and partner. In my case I have to give 50 % of the market value.

He’s a chancer. He gets 1/2 of the increase in equity.

Please make sure you’re safe. You’re in a vulnerable position.

He'll be entitled to half the equity (value of house less ringfenced deposit and less any mortgage debt). Unless you're in negative equity it should hopefully equate to more than his mortgage contributions. He won't get the payments plus equity as that would be a double recovery.

He sounds ghastly considering the house is also keeping a roof over the heads of his 3 children! I expect what he is getting at is that if you're the primary parent and work PT/earn less he's put more towards the payments than you and he wants to to "pay him back" but that is tough (childcare is part of your contribution!). If it's a joint mortgage the bank won't care who has paid what.

I agree with other posters. Put a pause on the extension/renovation work. It will boost the value once complete which at the moment he's be entitled to half of even if he's not paying (like I said the bank doesn't care who pays). Also if you might need to remortgage soon part completed building works could be a spanner in the works. Wait until its sorted!

Sounds like your parents are a good support and can help you financially to a certain extent which might make all the difference in being able to buy him out if your remortgage power is limited.

Please get legal advice on what needs to happen. Likely the first (legal) step will be making him an offer on the equity in return for a transfer. If he plays silly buggers you might have to apply to court for an order for sale (transfer to you effectively). If you get this and he still won't sign the judge can sign on his behalf.

As part of that process the court will need to be satisfied that you have the finances available in one form or another (including remortgage offer) so get working on that. Tell your mortgage provider that you have split, that you'll be paying the mortgage on your own from now and enquire about remortgage upon buy out and transfer. You might need to see a mortgage broker to look at different types of mortgage/providers.

Try and grey rock his aggression and call the police if you are worried (every time).

If he's not paying maintenance put in a CMS claim pronto. You will need that income to keep the family afloat.

Good luck. (Disclaimer: I'm a solicitor but don't practice family law.)

Sorry but how is you deposit “protected”? If you’re married it is unlikely to be …

You should have signed a legal agreement that tells you who gets what if you sell. I am suprised if your solicitor let an unmarried couple buy together without it. I am in Scotland though so there may be another way in England. Before we got married DH and I co-owned a flat and we signed a legal agreement that protected my large deposit and stated what share of the "reversion" we each received. I got more reversion to start off with, then it decreased towards 50-50 over 10 years. We invented this and the solicitor wrote it up. In fact we got married which wiped out the agreement.

It sounds as is if you need to consult a solicitor pronto to find out exactly what you signed up to and what happens if you didn't make any agreement at the start.

Delay the building!

As you are not married you need to be clear on how the house is owned with your partner.

Based on what you said (but you must take legal advice to be sure)

If you are Joint tenants with protection of your deposit he gets fifty percent of the equity minus the value of the deposit.

If you are tenants in common the default is also fifty percentage equity each after deduction of the value of your deposit UNLESS you registered a different percentage share when you bought the house.

You can check online by downloading the land registry documentation for £6.

www.gov.uk/government/organisations/land-registry

No he does not get his mortgage payments back.

I hope this helps OP.

OP, the only advice on this thread that you should heed is the advice to consult a solicitor asap.

Of course you need to factor in his past contributions to the mortgage in coming to a financial settlement. Why should your deposit be protected and yet his mortgage payments not be just because they were made in smaller chunks?
This. I’m also surprised you were able to ringfence your deposit without an agreement about the costs, improvements and mortgage payments? My deed of trust with DP to protect my deposit has an equation in it to deal with the fact I paid all the costs and stamp duty, but also his mortgage contributions and both of us funding renovations. This is why you need legal advice and not Mumsnet randoms who haven’t seen the paperwork and the figures involved.

You need to get the house valued as it is now before building work etc. I would be getting the estate agents around or even pay for a valuation before you increase the value by paying for an extension.

I would actually be tempted to halt the extension.

@RandomMess

You need to get the house valued as it is now before building work etc. I would be getting the estate agents around or even pay for a valuation before you increase the value by paying for an extension.

I would actually be tempted to halt the extension.

Absolutely agree.

Thanks for all the contributions and useful advice, everyone.
@Mayorquimby2 - actually, I wasn't trying to fuck him over, I was trying to avoid him fucking me over. I think I've confused everyone by using 'increase in value' rather than 'equity'.
He seems calmer now. I'm hopeful we can work this out amicably through solicitors because, if nothing else, we both bloody love our kids. We're not married either, as PPs have noted, should have made that explicit. But both DCs are his, yes.