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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting with DP - AIBU to think I don't have to pay back his mortgage contributions?

157 replies

StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:00

Shaking while writing so bear with me. Long back story, but me and 'D'P are splitting up - literally as of about 10 minutes ago. We've had a joint mortgage for 8 years. My parents paid the deposit which is protected. I want to stay here with the DCs and can afford to do so. I was assuming we would transfer the mortage into my name and then would somehow (by remortgaging?) release half the increase in value of the property to him. He thinks I will be forced to pay him half of the mortgage contributions from the last 8 years? So he will essentially have lived here for free that whole time? I just said to him 'I don't think that's how it works' and he lost his temper "THAT MONEY IS MINE, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME, YOU'LL FUCKING PAY ME EVERYTHING...". I'm scared and shaky but trying to work out if that's true? Because then I can't afford to keep the house.
YABU - yep, you'll have to pay his mortgage contributions back
YANBU - nope, just the increase in value, divided by two

OP posts:
JustWonderingIfYou · 11/02/2022 12:17

Surely he is entitled to half the equity minus your whatever percent your deposit covered.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 11/02/2022 12:18

Remember people who DO get hit started with a first time..

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:18

OK, Googling solicitors.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 11/02/2022 12:19

* Why do you think he's only entitled to half of the increased value while you get to retain the benefit of the equity that's been accrued and paid off?*

^I agree

Branleuse · 11/02/2022 12:20

youll need legal advice, but with his attitude he would have certainly blown any goodwill from me. AFAIK if you have children together then he couldnt force a sale until they are 18 or till they leave full time education, but im not 100% sure how it works. Could you afford the whole mortgage on just your income?
I think when you do sell the house, he will be entitled to have his share of it back, but when the kids are 18 that share will be higher than if you sold it now.

Is there any chance of selling and then you buying somewhere cheaper so that you can both move on quicker?

Lucked · 11/02/2022 12:20

@Mayorquimby2

Why do you think he's only entitled to half of the increased value while you get to retain the benefit of the equity that's been accrued and paid off?
Yes I think their my be a little more to buying him out than just the increase in value but I don’t think it will equate to half of the mortgage payments.

If your deposit is protected it may be worth considering a clean break of finances and selling.

Mayorquimby2 · 11/02/2022 12:20

In your proposal two people could have a joint mortgage for 30 years on a house bought for 500k

Both pay the mortgage 50% each for 29 years and then they split a year before it's complete. The house is now worth 700k and one party would get 100k while the other kept the 700k house with just one year of the mortgage up service

bumbledeedum · 11/02/2022 12:20

I'm a bit confused by everyone saying he's not entitled to his payments. He's not directly entitled to them but he would be entitled to the benefit of the equity paid off in that time (obviously a big chunk of the repayments are interest and that's just part and parcel of costs).

So it would be properly value, less protected deposit (assuming it is properly protected), less the outstanding mortgage, then split the rest eg. the equity 50/50. So he's benefit from the increase in value and some of the payments he's made.

But all this aside, screaming in your face is not ok.

Mayorquimby2 · 11/02/2022 12:22

" I don’t think it will equate to half of the mortgage payments."

Oh completely. The first couple of years it feels like 90% of your repayments are just servicing interest which is the cost of having the mortgage and not something anyone could or should seek to recover

AlternativePerspective · 11/02/2022 12:23

He will be entitled to more than the increased value. He won’t be entitled to the mortgage payments, but his entitlement will be calculated based on all the equity.

Gimlisaxe · 11/02/2022 12:24

I am not an expert, but would it not be

Value of house - mortgage- deposit= whats left/2

Get legal advice though and as above if scared call the police

Zilla1 · 11/02/2022 12:24

He doesn't sound rationale but if he got his mortgage payments back then would he then pay a commercial rent for the same period to you or would he expect to have lived rent-free?

However, it might be an idea to double check whether half the increase in equity compares with his half of the mortgage contributions on the off chance it might financially favour you to give him what he asked for an keep all the value in the equity. If not then perhaps suggest he seeks some sensible advice.

Good luck and hope his attitude improves.

unicornsarereal72 · 11/02/2022 12:24

My ex and I separated after 15 years together the house was mine before he moved in. I had £100k equity. And £100k mortgage arrears the time

I got legal advice and he said the following. The £100k deposits was mine and remains mine. The mortgage was increased over the years so the equity remained was split in 2.

If he continues to try and rail road you. Suggest you both get legal advice so that everything is fair.

Cms for child support.

NoSquirrels · 11/02/2022 12:26

Other people have set it out more clearly, so it’s possible you’ve just been talking at cross purposes.

Get the house valued (3 estate agents) and agree the current market value.

Minus current mortgage.
Minus your protected deposit.

Remainder is the equity to split (which is a combination of increase in value over 8 years and mortgage payments made over 8 years).

You pay him 50% by remortgaging to your name only.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 11/02/2022 12:29

Get current valuation. Deduct protected deposit and amount of mortgage outstanding. What remains is the equity - consisting of both the increase in house price and the amount of the mortgage you have paid off. He should be asking for half of this amount.

Of course if he wants to request his mortgage payments back, he wil owe you rent instead for the eight years that he lived there. He doesn't get to live somewhere without paying some of the costs of doing so. It'd be a shame if you set that 'rent' at four times the mortgage payment ...

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 11/02/2022 12:30

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

I think you need legal advice op and I'd suggest putting this in the legal matters topic. You might have to buy him out the house but as you have children it's not necessarily 50/50.

I hope you are ok and are safe.

I second this and anyone who suggests that you need to call Women's Aid or similar for support.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

mrsbyers · 11/02/2022 12:31

House value less remaining mortgage balance then split in two ( adjusted for the deposit)

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/02/2022 12:31

Thanks all, what a mess. We have builders starting on Monday to bloody extend the place too. Funded entirely by me/my parents. But that's a whole other thread.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/02/2022 12:32

Gosh, he's nuts if he thinks that's how it works!!

I'm glad you're safe but I'm not surprised you're scared of him, he sounds like an aggressive bullyboy at the moment.

Has he got somewhere to go? Because it would probably be a VERY good idea if he went there!

Also I would start safeguarding your accounts and paperwork immediately - anything you can do that he won't notice, you should do now - and if he goes out at all, do the rest then.

ivykaty44 · 11/02/2022 12:35

Id suggest that you don't engage other than to suggest that you both seek legal advice and that mediation would be very agreeable for you to sort this out.

If he tried to discuss this further, calmly say its best if we seek mediation as then we can both talk it over in a rational way. Then we can sort out with legalities.

Yuppie20 · 11/02/2022 12:36

I don't know, it's half his house minus the protected deposit. Legally I'm pretty sure you need to buy him out of his half or sell and split half the equity that you get. So not just the increase of value but what ever has actually been reduced on the mortgage. He will have to of paid the interest on the repayments but technically the value of the mortgage that was paid he should be entitled back.
If this was the other way around and you were the man and she the other half leaving wanted her fair share, you'd be getting very different responses.

AryaStarkWolf · 11/02/2022 12:36

Where on earth did he get that idea? Never heard someone suggest that's how it works before

AryaStarkWolf · 11/02/2022 12:36

@Yuppie20

I don't know, it's half his house minus the protected deposit. Legally I'm pretty sure you need to buy him out of his half or sell and split half the equity that you get. So not just the increase of value but what ever has actually been reduced on the mortgage. He will have to of paid the interest on the repayments but technically the value of the mortgage that was paid he should be entitled back. If this was the other way around and you were the man and she the other half leaving wanted her fair share, you'd be getting very different responses.
Yes that's how I think it would work too
lucywho123 · 11/02/2022 12:37

You'll be giving him half of whatever equity you have both accumulated in paying the mortgage in those 8 years though so wtf is he talking about?

Exactly as @NoSquirrels has said pretty much

Stay safe OP, he sounds awful

LBOCS2 · 11/02/2022 12:38

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Thanks all, what a mess. We have builders starting on Monday to bloody extend the place too. Funded entirely by me/my parents. But that's a whole other thread.
Get agents around tomorrow to value the house in that case, you don't want him to benefit from the increased value on something he hasn't contributed to. You need to work on the valuation from the day you split, otherwise you could end up owing him more.