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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:

muddyford · 09/02/2022 19:33

Shoes off here. Though the last two lots of paramedics that attended appeared to have been wading through mud before they ground it into the carpet.

Crocadoodledoo · 09/02/2022 19:34

We have a ‘shoes off’ house but I never ask guests to take theirs off. Most visitors my age or younger take them off when they spot that I’m not wearing them. Elderly visitors tend to keep their shoes on and I wouldn’t dream of asking them to take them off - I think it’s inhospitable and rude, not to mention tricky for older people if they have mobility problems.

planteen · 09/02/2022 19:34

Both shoes on and offers think the other is rude.

But how is being asked to take them off is actually rude when it's their home. Your hosts want their home clean and comfortable, they're inviting you in...

It's their home they clean and pay for, how can it possibly be rude to not want it spoiled by outdoor shoes. Most people won't mind you bringing a replacement of indoor only shoes.

WTF475878237NC · 09/02/2022 19:34

I always take mine off and ask people to take theirs off if they don't offer.

RegardingMary · 09/02/2022 19:34

Yes everyone takes their shoes off here.

If anyone didn't make a move to they'd be asked to. If they refused they'd not be let in.

Even the midwives took their shoes off when I was giving birth.

Classica · 09/02/2022 19:35

I'm happy to take my shoes off if that's a person's house rule. But please don't presume all households are the same and automatically take your shoes off without asking first. Many people would find this a bit weird and presumptuous. Just ask.

Flyingbymypants · 09/02/2022 19:35

Yes they bloody do. As I would.

clearvowelsriselikeballoons · 09/02/2022 19:35

We naturally all kick our shoes off in the house, but would never ask anyone to.
I don't mind taking mine off in others houses, and will usually ask or just automatically take off. That said, if we're going round for dinner etc it does make me feel a bit childlike to be padding around with my socks on... But I come from a shoes on household, I would have found it weird to see my parents in socks, particularly in someone else's house

planteen · 09/02/2022 19:36

@Classica

Definitely cultural. In England it's every split, many other continents do shoes off.

Original poster

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 19:36

Also sorry to add, we brought our house with cream carpet and haven't replaced it as no need to as it's in good condition as recently replaced before he brought the house, and I don't really have the funds to replace it whilst on maternity leave.

OP posts:

Classica · 09/02/2022 19:36

I like the shoes on/shoes off threads best when they get to the class thing. That's when it really starts fizzing along.

MangoLipstick · 09/02/2022 19:36

YANBU.
Dh and I always take out shoes off as soon as we get in the house. I just don’t like the idea of trampling dirty shoes everywhere. We have no carpets downstairs but have a big rug in the living room which covers most of the floor. DD plays on this a lot so it’s a hygiene thing.
I always take my shoes off in other peoples homes. It’s automatic, I don’t really think about it.
Most people who come into our home take their shoes of too.

freelions · 09/02/2022 19:37

Depends what shoes I'm wearing and whether they are dirty

I wouldn't walk into someone's house in wellies or walking boots obviously but I wouldn't automatically take shoes off otherwise unless I'm asked to

I would expect the same courtesy at my house but I probably wouldn't challenge a visitor on it unless their shoes were clearly really dirty

SquirrelG · 09/02/2022 19:37

I never ask anyone to take their shoes off to come to my house, and have never been asked to do so by anyone else. My DF oftens says he will remove his footwear and I tell him its not necessary. As a pp said, I have a Hoover!

As for this "shoes inside are disgusting" stuff - get a grip!!

Arewethebadguys · 09/02/2022 19:38

Couldn't read 5 paragraphs about this. If it matters to you just ask visitors to take their shoes off.

clearvowelsriselikeballoons · 09/02/2022 19:39

@Classica

I like the shoes on/shoes off threads best when they get to the class thing. That's when it really starts fizzing along.

Ooh what's the class thing? I'm not sure which way it would go? Is it a town/country thing?

TatianaBis · 09/02/2022 19:41

In some cultures it's normal to take shoes off - am happy to do so in that circumstance.

If someone British asks me - I think they're a bit Abigail's Party. I might offer if it looks expected but I'd think they were a bit prinky.

HowDOyouspellIt · 09/02/2022 19:43

This always comes up on MN. I am genuinely baffled about where you all live to say that your guests will be traipsing in shoes covered in dog shit and vomit and random bugs??
We are a shoes-off household, but I would NEVER demand it of a guest, because, well, they're a GUEST, and should feel comfortable.

TatianaBis · 09/02/2022 19:43

@Classica

I like the shoes on/shoes off threads best when they get to the class thing. That's when it really starts fizzing along.

Very true, I'm nudging it that way.

SquirrelG · 09/02/2022 19:44

For those of you who are old enough to remember, I'm thinking about Last of the Summer Wine, when Edie used to put newspaper down on the floor before Wesley was allowed to enter the house!!

I actually agree with those who have said they find it rude and unwelcoming to expect people to remove their shoes. And as for cream carpet - why, just why??

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 09/02/2022 19:45

www.livescience.com/64409-should-you-take-off-shoes-indoors.html

Hundred of thousands of bacteria per square inch - on the soles of shoes including e.coli (strains causing diarrhoea and meningitis).

It's always been shoes off wherever I've lived.

When we were little, our shoes were kept in the 'outhouse' at the back of the house, mum used to clean/disinfect the soles of our shoes every week, then pass them to dad who would polish them to a shine.

I have furniture with lift up lids, lined with newspaper, next to the doors where shoes are kept. Visibly dirty/muddy shoes don't make it over the threshold.

VelvetChairGirl · 09/02/2022 19:45

Yes shoes off in the house.

5128gap · 09/02/2022 19:46

Its meant to be very WC to ask for shoes to be removed, on the basis that WC struggle more to buy things and so are more preoccupied with preserving them. Higher social classes don't care about material things as much as the comfort of their guests and they can afford to replace them. Plus a houseful of people in their socks looks a bit low rent. However, I couldn't be more WC and don't care less about shoes in my house, so make of that what you will

Lilymossflower · 09/02/2022 19:46

Yes everyone takes off shoes in my house. I have a small hallway too. But I hate when people stomp all over my house in shoes, and yeah it has no respect for your flooring and that it's making cleaning for you

tigerlilymochalatte · 09/02/2022 19:46

People always take their shoes off without asking which Im grateful for, the thought of bringing everything you may have unknowingly stepped in outside through your house is gross especially a little one crawling about.

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