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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:
OchonAgusOchonOh · 11/02/2022 18:47

@EnglishMcSwedeFace - My mother in law is equally healthy, has only been to hospital for pregnancy/birth related reasons, rarely sees a doctor and still roughhouses with her grandchildren despite being over 70 and she has never let a shoe cross her threshold. I don't think you can equate the two.

I think @SquirrelG was responding to the excessively hysterical posts suggesting that allowing a shoe to come within spitting distance of a interior floor will result in immediate death, or at the very least, severe illness, for all of the hapless inhabitants of said house.

AhNowTed · 11/02/2022 18:51

I honestly know NOBODY with a no-shoes policy.

I must be living in a parallel universe.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 11/02/2022 18:58

We need germs!
You people spraying everything with antibacterial stuff will have crap immune systems. Just stop. Get help!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 11/02/2022 19:22

@HoliHormonalTigerlilly

We need germs! You people spraying everything with antibacterial stuff will have crap immune systems. Just stop. Get help!
I spray everything with antibacterial spray... But I also have cats that rub their arses on my counters so I think it equals out 👍
ginghamstarfish · 11/02/2022 23:06

Such a pity it's not the norm here as it is in other countries, with a basket of slippers kept in the hall ( not fluffy ones but wipeable so perfectly hygienic).

Strugglingtodomybest · 11/02/2022 23:37

Just in case anyone wants more of this thread, here is one from a few years back: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2888001-AIBU-not-to-remove-shoes-in-the-home

cherish123 · 12/02/2022 00:30

It's rude to ask a guest to take shoes off. However, it's okay to ask a parent. If I was visiting someone who had carpets, I'd take my shoes off but not if they had wooden floors/laminate etc.

DerAlteMann · 12/02/2022 00:36

No. Shoes on here. Never been asked by any of our friends to remove shoes either. Think it's a "post Boomer" thing.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 12/02/2022 00:47

@DerAlteMann

No. Shoes on here. Never been asked by any of our friends to remove shoes either. Think it's a "post Boomer" thing.
I'll have to tell my 85 year old nan her and her mum were in the wrong generation
MrsDThomas · 12/02/2022 08:37

I live on a small holding. If course we all take the shoes off!

londonrach · 12/02/2022 08:42

Of course...I always take my shoes off too...I don't know anyone who doesn't in my friends circle. The only house I was told to keep shoes on (I was working) the carpet was...full of dirt

rainbowmash · 12/02/2022 11:42

@YellowAndGreenToBeSeen

I’d hate to have to take my shoes off for a dinner party. I’d feel unwelcome.
Exactly - totally misguided to make guests take shoes off if you've invited them to dinner or evening drinks. Imagine someone turning up in a nice cocktail dress and heels, and being told they had to mooch around in their bare feet like a toddler all night!

Nothing screams "trying too hard to look classy" like making a big performance of keeping your house clean in front of visitors.

8londie · 12/02/2022 13:11

Someone is coming up dinner and giving you drinks it's pretty rude to complain about shoes unless you're offering to vacuum and mop for them after.

8londie · 12/02/2022 13:12

Giving you

greenlynx · 12/02/2022 13:12

Yes

Kshhuxnxk · 12/02/2022 13:16

No we have a home not a house. Lifes too short.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 12/02/2022 13:38

@8londie

Someone is coming up dinner and giving you drinks it's pretty rude to complain about shoes unless you're offering to vacuum and mop for them after.
Yes, it would be rude to complain. Much more polite to ignore their inhospitable behavior and make a note to decline future invitations.
8londie · 12/02/2022 13:46

I dare you to say to a Muslim person, or African or European- same to them? How in heck is it inhospitable to want a cosy home, the mind boggles. More like others are insecure of their homes and making up things like inhospitable to suit them, but there you go

Blossomtoes · 12/02/2022 13:56

@Ripasso

We have a tiny hall and have a foldable seat attached to the wall, similar to this ]]
Ours is too small for one of those. You can literally get two people in it squashed together.
OchonAgusOchonOh · 12/02/2022 14:04

@8londie

I dare you to say to a Muslim person, or African or European- same to them? How in heck is it inhospitable to want a cosy home, the mind boggles. More like others are insecure of their homes and making up things like inhospitable to suit them, but there you go
You're getting a bit defensive there Grin

In a culture where it is the norm, then no, it's not inhospitable. It's just a cultural norm that a visitor would comply with. Where it is not a cultural norm, then it is inhospitable.

More like others are insecure of their homes and making up things like inhospitable to suit them, but there you go

This makes no sense at all. Surely the person who welcomes people in to their home without demanding they remove their shoes is more secure as they are focused on the comfort of their guest rather than concern about whether they will have to mop the floor one extra time this week because of the UNCLEAN guest?

CorneliusVetch · 12/02/2022 14:06

@Kshhuxnxk

No we have a home not a house. Lifes too short.
Agree. What about house parties? Is everyone there in bare feet?

I understand the simple idea of germs in shoes so take them off but the amount of people who have a dog who insist on shoes off because of germs just baffles me. There’s germs on clothes as well - do I need to take my jeans off that have been all over the filthy tube seats in case I get that on your sofa?

I actually do always offer but I hate it when they do want my shoes off. I get really cold feet and just don’t feel as comfortable, but I do respect it’s their home so their rules and just get on with it.

WomblingWilma · 12/02/2022 19:00

I’ve had a no shoes in the house policy for over 25 years since I bought my first house and put new carpets down.

I grew up in a shoes on household, we used to lie on our beds in shoes (boak) and quite often there would be dogshit or mud on the carpets. My family did not like being asked at all, would argue that I was being ridiculous, refuse and walk in until I refused to open the door! My house. my rules! It was a topic of much consternation.

I used to put DD on a mat in the floor and when she started crawling, at least I knew she wasn’t putting her hands in dirt.

Took a while for visitors to ‘get it’ but now they all have shoeless houses Grin.

My DC have always automatically taken shoes off at the door and they used to come home with absolutely filthy socks but most people we know now are shoeless. It’s more the norm that not I think.

EnglishMcSwedeFace · 12/02/2022 20:48

[quote OchonAgusOchonOh]**@EnglishMcSwedeFace* - My mother in law is equally healthy, has only been to hospital for pregnancy/birth related reasons, rarely sees a doctor and still roughhouses with her grandchildren despite being over 70 and she has never let a shoe cross her threshold. I don't think you can equate the two.*

I think @SquirrelG was responding to the excessively hysterical posts suggesting that allowing a shoe to come within spitting distance of a interior floor will result in immediate death, or at the very least, severe illness, for all of the hapless inhabitants of said house.[/quote]
Ohh ok. I have ASD so I don't pick up on subtext. Thanks for explaining it to me @OchonAgusOchonOh (genuine thank you not a sarcastic one).

TatianaBis · 12/02/2022 20:54

I understand the simple idea of germs in shoes so take them off

By that token what about germs on feet - viruses - verrucas and fungi - athlete's foot.

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