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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:

SquirrelG · 09/02/2022 20:12

Prinky: Prinked up, decked out; spruce-looking; precise; (hence) prissy or showy.

Great word - and something I do NOT aspire to be

I agree with a pp who said it seems to be (mostly) a modern thing. People obviously used to take off muddy boots, but normal footwear, no. I usually wear socks, or go barefoot, at home but that is soley for comfort. If I am going in and out several times I can't be phaffed with shoes on and off all day, so they stay on. Some posters appear to be living in show places rather than homes.

NellePorter · 09/02/2022 20:13

No, I was brought up in a "shoes on" house so I would never ask anyone to take their shoes off. We have hard wood floors and dogs. We have a door mat, and Hoover and mop regularly so I don't stress about it.
I do ask when I go to others' houses as I know some people prefer shoes off. Honestly though, if they spoke to me in the manner of some PP I wouldn't be going in.

ButtockUp · 09/02/2022 20:15

I never ask or expect visitors to remove their shoes.
It's like saying your floor is to good for them to walk on.

( I am not of British origin .)

Most people have wood/vinyls/laminate and it's cleaned regularly, surely.
As to carpet, we'll why put fancy fabric down if you're averse to dirt and germs? Particularly if you have pets that bring in so much more than a human.

That saying, I always take my shoes off if I go to someone's house , even though it annoys me.

I will not, however, walk barefoot in someone's house and I don't like it if someone takes their sandals off in my house.

GrumpyPanda · 09/02/2022 20:16

Your house, your rules. Tell them rather than ask. And get some visitor slippers/extra thick socks to offer them.

DeckTheHallsWithGin · 09/02/2022 20:18

Most people do but we’ve got hard floors deliberately as they’re easier to clean so I’m not offended if people don’t and I wouldn’t expect older people to remove theirs. My kids are teenagers however and I remember the stress when it was carpets and crawling babies and had people walk cat poo into the house- grim!! I take mine off unless told not to in other people’s houses.

PleasantBirthday · 09/02/2022 20:19

Tell them rather than ask

Sets a rather hostile tone for a visit, I think. I'd be uncomfortable with that attitude and it would be a short visit. I would be disinclined to come again.

Kazzyhoward · 09/02/2022 20:20

Don't forget that "shoes off" is a requirement of some religions, so it's not always about being fussy or house proud etc. It's also a cultural thing in lots of countries.

saraclara · 09/02/2022 20:21

I was brought up in shoes on house. I'd never heard of taking shoes off being a thing.

When I moved to a somewhat more MC area and was asked by a new friend to take my shoes off, I felt really awkward and embarrassed, because she clearly thought that I should have done so without her asking. I would never inflict that feeling on anyone.

I still mostly wear shoes inside. Mt DD's who were born down here and at an early age visited school friends houses where shoes came off, naturally started doing the same at home.

If I visit someone, I tend to glance down at their own feet, and if they're barefooted or in slippers I'll ask if they want me to take my shoes off. Mostly they say no, it's fine.

Pyewhacket · 09/02/2022 20:23

We have a Victorian property with the original tile and hardwood flooring altho there are a few rugs about downstairs. The only rule I have is no riding boots in the house otherwise nobody is expected, or asked, to take their shoes off. Bear in mind we have dogs that get walked daily, cats barging through the cat flaps at all hours and three teenagers constantly in and out with their friends, so there is no point in getting anal about footwear. The house gets cleaned twice a week.

Lulu1919 · 09/02/2022 20:24

Shoes off in my home
I dont want what people have walked on or worse in all over my carpets / floors that we sit in etc

AhNowTed · 09/02/2022 20:25

No.

And neither do any of our friends. Literally none.

unfeelingwife · 09/02/2022 20:26

I would never ask a visitor to take off their shoes, unless they're super muddy.

I think it's rude to ask a guest to not wear shoes in your house . Presumably they've dressed to come to your house and the shoes are part of the outfit.. also, what if they have smelly feet. No way would I ever ask. I always offer to take mine off, but no one ever says that I should.

I think it's really rude.

AhNowTed · 09/02/2022 20:28

@unfeelingwife

I would never ask a visitor to take off their shoes, unless they're super muddy.

I think it's really rude.

Me too.

My friends comfort is far more important than my floor.

5128gap · 09/02/2022 20:29

There was a thread recently where someone said they take all their outdoor clothes off and change into 'house clothes' when they get indoors, so they don't sit on their furniture in clothes they'd been outside in.

Twiglets1 · 09/02/2022 20:29

An indoor cat - how cruel

hangrylady · 09/02/2022 20:30

I always offer to take my shoes off when visiting people's houses, except at work when I wear shoe covers. I'm not overly bothered in my own house about guests but find most people take their shoes off.

bridgetreilly · 09/02/2022 20:30

Oh look, MN is debating this again. Must be a day with a y in it.

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 09/02/2022 20:33

Ask them to take them off as you answer the door. Tell them the cat has been poorly and the vet has said it is because of the shoes (regardless of whether that is factually correct or not).

We don't have loads of visitors but occasionally a few of them slip through the net. Must admit, I sit there seething slightly. I always ask if people would like to me to remove my shoes before entering. All the dirt and grime being stomped into the carpet......

Hope your puss is okay!

hangrylady · 09/02/2022 20:33

@GrumpyPanda

Your house, your rules. Tell them rather than ask. And get some visitor slippers/extra thick socks to offer them.

I've been offered 'visitor slippers' before. No thank you I'd rather just be in my socks, that's gross.

Peonies94 · 09/02/2022 20:34

Shoes do not belong in the house! I always ask visitors if they don’t mind taking them off, and then apologise thst I’m a little crazy! Annoys me when DF allows visitors and doesn’t ask them though! He always says it’s such a strange rule, I don’t think so though!

SquirrelG · 09/02/2022 20:42

Tell them rather than ask

If someone did that to me it would be the last time I ever visited them.

My fondest memories of visiting parents' friends as a teen was the family with seven children, and a distinctly non houseproud mother. What the house looked like has faded in my memory, but what I will always remember (and we are going back 45 or more years) is the warm welcome, how they acted as though our visit was the highlight of their day, and the doorstep sandwiches.

I feel sad for children growing up in the sterile conditions some of you live in.

MissTrip82 · 09/02/2022 20:42

No, that’s not a cultural norm for us. Offering hospitality and politeness is a cultural norm, however, so we certainly don’t bark ‘shoes please!’ at guests as one PP claims she does.

I take my shoes off in other people’s homes if that’s the norm there. I’m guided by my hosts.

Your vet has amazing diagnostic skills If he/she could trace a pathogen to the shoes of visitors……

Jvg33 · 09/02/2022 20:44

Tell everybody that comes in - no shoes please. Problem will be solved

BikiniB0tt0m · 09/02/2022 20:44

Yes I have carpet and hate it when people don't take their shoes off the only ones I obviously let are workmen/women. I get a deep clean of the carpets about once a year it would be alot more if everyone wore shoes. I went for a.walk today and the amount of dog poo either not picked up or owner has tried to but not got it all is ridiculous. I came in today thinking I avoided it all but no some was in the back which if I didn't take my shows off at the door would not of noticed and dragged it in.

hugr · 09/02/2022 20:46

I wouldn't ask people to take their shoes off but if I did, and had laminate floor I would offer slippers or socks

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