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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people visit your house do they take their shoes offf

476 replies

PlantMummy87 · 09/02/2022 18:19

Do you request people to take their shoes off when they come into your house?

I always take off my shoes whenever I enter someone's home as think it is rude not to as I think on the whole people like to keep their floors and carpets clean. However my FIL, my mum and my dad always keep their shoes on now when they visit ever since I had our baby, it's like as soon as they arrive they instantly want to see baby so just walk straight in and don't think they are causing any extra work cleaning for us. It's happened a lot now so it's not a one off that I can just brush off unfortunately. We have a tiny hallway which think might be part of the problem as don't have space for a chair or stall for someone to be able to sit on to take their shoes on and off on and can understand it might me harder for older people to bend over etc but they used to take their shoes off. When I was heavily pregnant I sat on the stairs but can't expect everyone to do this.

Downstairs is laminate flooring which I guess is easy to clean, but we also have rugs which they step on (which are hard to clean as wool), and upstairs is carpet. I do have a small carpet cleaner, but it's more for spot cleaning than entire areas of carpet and is a lot of hard work to do a large area. Plus I'm not really sure I want to have to clean all the floors, carpet and rugs every time people come to visit as have a newborn baby so don't have a lot of time to be dedicating to cleaning.

Recently our cat got really unwell resulting in lots of expensive vet visits, blood tests, stay at the vets, drip fluids as been so unwell, and now special food to help stomach recover etc. the vet thinks that it may have been something brought into the house perhaps via shoes as she is an indoor cat. It could well have been our shoes that brought something in, but we do take them off in the hallway and then they get put away and I clean the hallway floor daily.

We've spent the day disinfecting the whole house as baby who could easily catch a gastrointestinal upset so I want to be extra careful now, but even when he is a bit bigger and putting things in his mouth, crawling and walking I want to know things are clean for him in our home.

Do you think it is unreasonable to ask next time anyone comes around to ask if they can take their shoes off? I'm not really sure how to bring this up though and I don't want to cause drama especially with my FIL.
I'm thinking of putting a small foot stall next to the hallway just inside the living room (there isn't enough room to put it in the hallway) so people can take their shoes off on there and it's easier to keep clean. But it is made of wool so I'm a bit concerned that it might get dirty. Would it be better/ridiculous to get a collapsible ottoman and bring that out when people visiting and store away easily when not?

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 11/02/2022 14:01

Unless my guests have muddy footwear on, I would never ask them to remove them. Another vote from me for it being rude and inhospitable.

If go to someone's house and have mud on my shoes, then yes, of course I take them off, but if all I've done is walk from the car to their door and my shoes are still clean then I will be annoyed if I have to take them off. It's not so bad in the summer, but I hate having cold feet so it's not all pleasant at this time of the year.

The idea of wearing someone else's socks or slippers is, in my opinion, gross.

strawberryapricotpie · 11/02/2022 14:06

There’s definitely a generational element at work here. I’m in my 50s and being asked to remove shoes when going into someone’s house was definitely the exception in the past, in my experience at least.

I think expecting guests to sit around in stockinged feet is so rude and I feel very uncomfortable myself when I’m asked to do so. I hope those who are insisting on shoes off are at least providing slippers.

It does amuse me how terrified some people seem to be of germs nowadays. How do you think our parents’ and grandparents’ generations survived without all this obsessive attention to eliminating every single germ and speck of dirt?? (See also: ‘animals in the house is disgusting’, knickers under PJs because bodily fluids, EW GROSS!, no sitting on beds in outdoor clothes because outdoors is crawling with cooties, changing towels/bed linen after one use, etc etc etc.)

As for all this stuff about ‘filthy’ pavements, the irony is that back in the 70s when people didn’t generally expect guests to remove their shoes, there was actually a lot more call for it as the pavements often had dog shit on them. The pavements are pretty darn clean now in comparison, tbh. And, for the record, in all the time I’ve been allowing guests to keep their shoes on in my home, not once has anyone trodden anything unpleasant in.

RampantIvy · 11/02/2022 14:18

I think expecting guests to sit around in stockinged feet is so rude and I feel very uncomfortable myself when I’m asked to do so. I hope those who are insisting on shoes off are at least providing slippers.

I always take my slippers to friends houses. It's pretty wet and muddy outside where I live at the moment so it is rather rude to tramp dirty muddy feet through someone's house, so the only option is to take your shoes off really.

I never ask people to remove shoes because they do anyway, and if someone didn't I wouldn't ask unless their shoes were wet and muddy.

strawberryapricotpie · 11/02/2022 14:25

@RampantIvy

I think expecting guests to sit around in stockinged feet is so rude and I feel very uncomfortable myself when I’m asked to do so. I hope those who are insisting on shoes off are at least providing slippers.

I always take my slippers to friends houses. It's pretty wet and muddy outside where I live at the moment so it is rather rude to tramp dirty muddy feet through someone's house, so the only option is to take your shoes off really.

I never ask people to remove shoes because they do anyway, and if someone didn't I wouldn't ask unless their shoes were wet and muddy.

Yes, shoes that are actually muddy are different, obviously. Like you I do find people tend to take them off voluntarily in that scenario.
FudgeSundae · 11/02/2022 15:02

Love this thread. We went to the park today and my toddler, on entering the house, dumped her not-visibly-muddy-but-definitely-not-clean shoes on the sofa. But don’t worry, I’m having the sofa incinerated immediately due to the hygiene risk Grin

Babyvenusplant · 11/02/2022 15:10

I have massive irrational anxiety over verrucas and generally any foot conditions or diseases so I don't let anyone walk bare footed in my house

FluffyFlower · 11/02/2022 15:32

It really doesn't have to be black and white. If it is a formal dinner or a large party where people dress up or are expected to stand or move around, and the house would most likely need a good clean after anyways, of course I would not expect guests to get barefooted. Although nothing wrong with packing a nice clean pair of heals to change into either !;) But I struggle to see how it is even comfortable to keep warm boots, for example, at home, basically that means wearing something heavy all day long!

Notcontent · 11/02/2022 15:32

It’s definitely shoes off among all the very middle class people I know in London! I don’t actually know anyone who walks around in their shoes at home and feel slightly sick just thinking about it.

LittleGwyneth · 11/02/2022 15:36

I think it's a class / cultural thing. I grew up in a country house with wood and stone floors, not wearing shoes would have meant frostbite. I think shoes on is perfectly reasonable though and wouldn't ever ask someone to remove theirs, though I'll do it without any fuss at someone else's house.

ValerieCupcake · 11/02/2022 15:46

I've got some comments including "Christ on a bike" and PMSL emojis for saying I wipe my shoes with disinfectant wipes before putting away. I think it's weirder to put shoes in the wardrobe that have been outside walking where dogs wee and poop, people puke, spit and throw food down.

No thanks I don't want that in my wardrobe, shoe cupboard or in my house in general.

Blossomtoes · 11/02/2022 15:51

@Notcontent

It’s definitely shoes off among all the very middle class people I know in London! I don’t actually know anyone who walks around in their shoes at home and feel slightly sick just thinking about it.
It must be terrible to have such a delicate stomach. 💐
meloonhead · 11/02/2022 16:27

People are making fun of a totally normal custom but you'd never do that to a non English person and rightly so. Either it's bonkers for everyone, and anyone who wants a clean carpet is weird and uptight, or they're not and that's all made up 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's only weird when English people do it - I don't think so, more just ignorant and have never stepped out of your immediate area more like

meloonhead · 11/02/2022 16:28

Nevermind them cooking dinner for you, you were kindly asked to leave shoes at the door so that's it 😳

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 11/02/2022 16:29

@ValerieCupcake

I've got some comments including "Christ on a bike" and PMSL emojis for saying I wipe my shoes with disinfectant wipes before putting away. I think it's weirder to put shoes in the wardrobe that have been outside walking where dogs wee and poop, people puke, spit and throw food down.

No thanks I don't want that in my wardrobe, shoe cupboard or in my house in general.

I don't know a single person that keeps their shoes in their wardrobe to be fair
daimbarsatemydogsbone · 11/02/2022 16:34

@ValerieCupcake

I've got some comments including "Christ on a bike" and PMSL emojis for saying I wipe my shoes with disinfectant wipes before putting away. I think it's weirder to put shoes in the wardrobe that have been outside walking where dogs wee and poop, people puke, spit and throw food down.

No thanks I don't want that in my wardrobe, shoe cupboard or in my house in general.

Because (IMHO) it's hatstand over the top to go to these lengths - it isn't needed, doesn't achieve anything and may even be counter productive in creating an excessively sterile environment which could conceivably reduce the ability to maintain immunity against infections.
ValerieCupcake · 11/02/2022 16:35

@AllThingsServeTheBeam - you do now.

My house is so tiny I have no room for all of the shoes, boots, trainers etc in my shoe cupboard. Just call me Imelda Cupcake.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 11/02/2022 16:36

I wipe my shoes with disinfectant wipes
Is also quite wasteful and not good for the environment.

RampantIvy · 11/02/2022 16:39

I don't know a single person that keeps their shoes in their wardrobe to be fair

I keep rarely worn shoes (eg going out heels), cleaned sandals in winter and cleaned winter boots in summer in my wardrobe. All my regularly worn footwear is on the shoe rack by the front door. Right now it is trainers and winter boots on the rack.

Excellent post @meloonhead. You have summed up my thoughts pretty well.

QueenBitch666 · 11/02/2022 16:42

I have a sign outside my door saying 'Shoes off Bitches'
Saves any misunderstanding Wink

OchonAgusOchonOh · 11/02/2022 16:45

@QueenBitch666

I have a sign outside my door saying 'Shoes off Bitches' Saves any misunderstanding Wink
Rather sexist of you to allow men and boys to wear shoes but not women and girls. Or do you have very posh female dogs in your area who wear shoes?
AuntyBumBum · 11/02/2022 17:13

AuntyBumBum's law of batshittery
The lunacy of Mumsnet cleanliness posts is proportionate to the square of the length of the thread

EnglishMcSwedeFace · 11/02/2022 17:54

@SquirrelG

In the same way that people find it 'shockingly bad manners' to ask people to take off shoes, I absolutely judge people who allow shoes on in their house (as dirty bastards) and ask people to take them off in mine. Yuk. Dirty bastards!!

That's ok. I'm judging you back as being neurotic, anal and inhospitable

So do I, and thank goodness I don't know anyone like you in real life. I also find it interesting that I have managed to reach my 60s without ever having a serious illness, never having been in hospital, and rarely suffering from any illness at all - all the while wearing shoes in my house, along with my visitors. There really are some pathetically anal people on this type of thread.

My mother in law is equally healthy, has only been to hospital for pregnancy/birth related reasons, rarely sees a doctor and still roughhouses with her grandchildren despite being over 70 and she has never let a shoe cross her threshold. I don't think you can equate the two.
PleasantBirthday · 11/02/2022 18:09

she has never let a shoe cross her threshold

That's commitment.

Blossomtoes · 11/02/2022 18:16

@PleasantBirthday

she has never let a shoe cross her threshold

That's commitment.

Isn’t it just? Unlikely too.
EnglishMcSwedeFace · 11/02/2022 18:19

@PleasantBirthday

she has never let a shoe cross her threshold

That's commitment.

I live in a country where not taking your shoes off when you enter someone's house is akin to shitting on their doorstep. Everybody here is committed.
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