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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old assembly “girls can be boys”

266 replies

AnotherNameChanged1234 · 09/02/2022 10:08

Is this the norm? My childrens school had an assembly (via zoom of course) on boys can be girls and girls can be boys. The whole school attended - rising 3 year olds through to 11 year olds (nursery is part of schools here -devolved U.K. nation)

I’m so angry, this doesn’t feel age appropriate at all. I’m so angry, my 6 year old was sobbing over it and it completely took me off guard.

I’m not an anti-trans person, I have some good friends who are trans, I’ve seen the pain they’ve gone through, and I’ll always encourage sympathy and no judgement, but this seems like madness. 3 and 4 year olds barely even know what boy and girl are. These poor kids have had two year’s socialisation stolen away from them, can’t we just let them be kids for a few years?

AIBU to be cross, or is this the norm in every school?

YABU- it’s the norm
YANBU- it’s not the norm for this age group

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
ChickenStripper · 09/02/2022 11:50

wake up a boy

babyjellyfish · 09/02/2022 11:51

What are they saying a boy is? And what are they saying a girl is?

How can a child choose whether they want to be a boy or a girl if they don't understand what either of those things is?

Because if a boy isn't a child with a willy and a girl isn't a child without a willy (this is what I understood when I was a child and what I still understand to be the case now), then I don't understand what one is. And I have given birth to one!

Rickrollme · 09/02/2022 11:52

@AnotherNameChanged1234

Why was my 6 year old sobbing? Because she doesn’t want to be a boy from the little I could gather. It came out on the school run and there wasn’t time to discuss it, I asked who had said what and she told me it was the teachers in whole school assembly.
Ohh did they say girls have to consider being boys? That’s definitely not on, I would complain.
GrolliffetheDragon · 09/02/2022 11:52

Schools should teach that bullying for any reason is unacceptable. Trans wasn't a thing when I was in school, but the amount of homophobic bullying was very distressing and stressful to see, and obviously worse for those on the receiving end - I was bullied but not for that reason.

I don’t hide trans stuff from my own kids, I’ve explained it in an age appropriate way

And how did you do this without resorting to stereotypes or born in the wrong body-both of which are banned concepts and terms?

I told DS that some men think they should be women (and vice versa), that it's impossible to change sex but that we should call people by the name they prefer and not be unkind - meaning no pointing and shouting 'why's that man wearing a dress'? or anything similar. The conversation was a bit longer than that, but that's what it boiled down to.

But I've always tried to bring him up not to think that some things are for girls and other things for boys, though that got a lot harder once he went to school.

Holothane · 09/02/2022 11:54

I’m so sick of this forcing this down primary children’s throats and the youngest ones as well. What is wrong with society? I’m sorry but if your straight happy being a women then god help you.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 09/02/2022 11:57

@GrolliffetheDragon

Schools should teach that bullying for any reason is unacceptable. Trans wasn't a thing when I was in school, but the amount of homophobic bullying was very distressing and stressful to see, and obviously worse for those on the receiving end - I was bullied but not for that reason.

I don’t hide trans stuff from my own kids, I’ve explained it in an age appropriate way

And how did you do this without resorting to stereotypes or born in the wrong body-both of which are banned concepts and terms?

I told DS that some men think they should be women (and vice versa), that it's impossible to change sex but that we should call people by the name they prefer and not be unkind - meaning no pointing and shouting 'why's that man wearing a dress'? or anything similar. The conversation was a bit longer than that, but that's what it boiled down to.

But I've always tried to bring him up not to think that some things are for girls and other things for boys, though that got a lot harder once he went to school.

Which is fine for you as a parent to deliver, but if a teacher in a class delivered it they would be vulnerable to accusations of transphobia. And that would be very vulnerable, seeing as most TEACHING UNIONS consider anything other than trans women are women to be problematic.

Which is why schools need to avoid it until the DfE and Ofsted and the unions all come down on the side of safeguarding.

Roselilly36 · 09/02/2022 11:57

YANBU OP, worlds gone bloody mad.

Holothane · 09/02/2022 11:58

Everything has to be labelled you can’t be straight anymore. There’s no place for us anymore we don’t seem to fit in the pronoun this the label that, I’m so glad I’m 55 not 14. If I’d been around today as I was at 14 I’d be pressured into thinking I want to a man 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ And no I don’t hate trans people before you all start saying I do. I’ve read many books on the subject for medical details and surgery. My best friends ex husband is now a woman they get on very well.

katepilar · 09/02/2022 12:07

I think the issue has to be introduced in a different setting, with small groups of children and age appropriate for them. Done by someone who knows what they are doing and are able to deal with any consequences ie. upset children who have their lives shaken up.

Yaya26 · 09/02/2022 12:13

Was this about gender or was it about equality? Girls can do whatever boys can do etc? It's still a pretty crap assembly though. Of course boys and girls can do whatever takes their fancy.

BoredZelda · 09/02/2022 12:15

It came out on the school run and there wasn’t time to discuss it, I asked who had said what and she told me it was the teachers in whole school assembly.

So you didn’t actually hear what was said?

Sounds very much like a miscommunication as it seems very unlikely this was done in the way you describe.

Yaya26 · 09/02/2022 12:16

I'm so fed up of this crap and ramming it down kids and everyone elses throats. What a confusing time to be a child/young person.

Sillydoggy · 09/02/2022 12:16

I think the issue should be left alone until it actually becomes relevant. If it comes up out of school then parents can explain and in school it would only be an issue if a child or teacher in class was claiming a different identity.

I explained to my children at about 9. They came back from a zoo trip saying 'we saw a funny looking woman who looked like a man'. We then had the conversation in context.

lanthanum · 09/02/2022 12:16

It seems crazy to be delivering a sensitive PSHE topic through an assembly, as it can't possibly be age-appropriate for all children. It also means no opportunity for questions and discussion - which might have enabled staff to reassure your child.

Phobiaphobic · 09/02/2022 12:17

YANBU. Adults should not be lying to children like this. No one can change sex. What they should be telling young kids is it doesn't matter what sex you are, you can still do the things you like.

We are totally fucking up a whole generation.

Sillydoggy · 09/02/2022 12:18

In fact given the Welsh Assembly's approach I doubt there is any misunderstanding on the part of the child.

WorriedMumsDontSleep · 09/02/2022 12:18

Sounds very much like a miscommunication as it seems very unlikely this was done in the way you describe.
Still needs investigation and clearing up misconceptions.
Whether it's intentional or not doesn't matter. It's part of the schools job to tackle any upset or miscommunication.

Phobiaphobic · 09/02/2022 12:19

These things can be confusing to a little child

These things seem to be confusing an awful lot of adults as well.

SartresSoul · 09/02/2022 12:21

Way, way too confusing for such young children and completely unnecessary too. My DD was spiderman at that age, she wouldn’t let me refer to her as her own name and insisted we all call her spiderman. Four year old’s don’t know which way is up yet, they definitely don’t have the ability to understand whether they want to associate with the opposite gender norms or not ffs.

TheHopefulMum · 09/02/2022 12:23

We also live in Wales and have 2 primary aged DC's and neither myself or them would have been remotely upset by this assembly at all.

I wouldn't say it's the norm but I definitely wouldn't be concerned by it.

Doyoumind · 09/02/2022 12:23

Children at my DC's primary school have been confused by some of the stuff they've been told - such as thinking a male can literally become a woman and have a baby. It confuses children and it's a lie. I don't understand why we can just focus on the message that every child is ok just as they are and it doesn't matter what they look like, what they wear or what their interests are because whether they are male or female is just a fact and doesn't affect any of these anyway.

Doyoumind · 09/02/2022 12:23

*can't just focus

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 09/02/2022 12:25

Makes me so angry, girls should be proud of their sex, but this is teaching the opposite

It's so homophobic too. Gay people are more likely to be gender non-conforming (though not all are, of course). Telling a boy who likes things that are stereotypically female that he is really a girl is foul homophobia. The very opposite of inclusion and tolerance.

GatoradeMeBitch · 09/02/2022 12:26

Can some of you get in touch with your empathy? You have no idea why a young child wouldn't be frightened at the "it is because they say so" deliberately poorly explained concept that they might suddenly change sex?

Mischance · 09/02/2022 12:27

Head in hands - Jeez what is the world coming too?! I just despair.