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Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
Longdistance · 09/02/2022 12:36

That’s really funny. She’s been stewing over it for 8 years 😂

heyitsthistle · 09/02/2022 12:37

The way she brought it up is Grade A CF-ery, especially because she's never brought it up. £120 is a lot of money but it's not loads, I'd forget it too after a period of time.

Good for you transferring the money back to make a point. I wonder what's she'll do next.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/02/2022 12:39

I can’t help wondering why she didn’t chase you for payment at the time. £120 is hardly peanuts, not to most of us anyway.

BadgerStripes · 09/02/2022 12:39

Err you’re the cheeky f*cker OP Grin

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2022 12:40

"When you’re friends you pay for dinners and it balances out. "

£70 is a normal dinner for one person for you?

Elsiebear90 · 09/02/2022 12:41

I don’t think she’s a good friend, if it was bothering her this much 8 years later she should have said something way before your wedding. The way she has gone about it is very passive aggressive and vindictive imo, yes you should have paid her, but it sounds like a genuine mistake and other than this you have always paid her back.

I just don’t understand the logic of letting something bother you for this long and not saying anything until someone’s wedding day, if it was my friend I would wonder what else she is holding a grudge about?

WindInTheWillows7 · 09/02/2022 12:42

English passive aggression at its finest! We'd rather seethe for years, and wait until it's someone's wedding when you have an opportunity to evasively remind them of what they did rather than confront them directly.

TrufflesAndToast · 09/02/2022 12:43

It’s beyond pathetic and actually really nasty to simmer silently for eight years and then choose your wedding to raise it. I’d be disgusted if one of my friends behaved that way. It was clearly an innocent mistake not to pay her back and to be fair if she didn’t ask or remind you then that’s on her. She’s a grown up - if she felt able to raise it in your wedding card FFS then she could have easily sent a polite text at any point in the intervening years.

It takes a special kind of nasty bitch to wait nearly a decade and the write something so petty and potentially upsetting in your wedding card which you would obviously read while on a big high, and then instantly feel awful.

If I were you I would transfer the money which you’ve done and then step away from the bitter shrew for good. She sounds utterly vile and of be worried what else she has up her sleeve.

Westerman · 09/02/2022 12:43

I think it was quite childish and vindictive of her to raise it in such a manner. She must have realised you'd simply forgotten and, if she was that bothered, why didn't she just ask? This would change my view of her tbh, in your position.
Yes, it was wrong to forget yo pay her back. But to wait for 8 years and then raise it in your wedding card? Not right.

Retisestress · 09/02/2022 12:44

I have friends where whoever organises something will pay and then visa versa…swings and roundabouts.
I have a friend like yours and could imagine her doing that …fair to say I hold her at arms length!

enjoyingscience · 09/02/2022 12:45

I think that’s really nasty. So passive aggressive and deliberately trying to spoil a happy occasion over an unpaid bill.

I’d be questioning the friendship to be honest - she’s not coming across well..,

Whammyyammy · 09/02/2022 12:45

Your friend is notbthe CF, you are! You went to a concert and conveniently 'forgot' to reimburse your friend for the ticket.

HistoricMoment · 09/02/2022 12:46

I think she's totally pathetic not to have said anything for 8 years. Is it really so hard to say "you owe me 120 quid dear friend?" Ridiculous.

BiscuitLover3678 · 09/02/2022 12:48

That’s a long time ago and very petty. She either completely forgot or decided to be a dick and wait until your wedding. Who does that?

Surely she should give you a present and then wait a few weeks before wanting the money, if she really does want it?

Real way to make your wedding about her.

SunshineCake1 · 09/02/2022 12:50

I don't think it is clever or cheeky. I think she has handled it well actually. Makes the point but not to your face to save embarrassment and squares you with her.

CurbsideProphet · 09/02/2022 12:50

@Whammyyammy

Your friend is notbthe CF, you are! You went to a concert and conveniently 'forgot' to reimburse your friend for the ticket.
And the friend stewed on it for 8 years of regularly spending time together, no reminder. Yes it's rude to forget, but it's just nasty to wait 8 years and then put a snarky note in a wedding card.
SunshineCake1 · 09/02/2022 12:55

Saying your wedding cheque was you paying her back is a terrible approach, not good and much more spiteful.

Dasher789 · 09/02/2022 12:57

You are obviously cf for not paying back as you have said but I think it’s a funny way to deal with it almost a decade later!!! I am not sure why you sent her the money back though, I do think she was saying that you were not square.

I don’t think you should be sending £70 for the meal to your friend. As you say, you pay next time as agreed. Not a big deal.

Dasher789 · 09/02/2022 12:58

Now* square

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 12:58

@Gwenhwyfar

"When you’re friends you pay for dinners and it balances out. "

£70 is a normal dinner for one person for you?

@Gwenhwyfar Yes, it really is. I went out just last night and we spent £150 between the two of us, for steak and a bottle of wine. So with my friends, it does balance out.
OP posts:
ihateliningup · 09/02/2022 12:58

@Ileflottante

I love her. She sounds brilliant.

You’re the CF, not her. She played a blinder long game. Also, I don’t think she likes you that much.

She sounds like someone you could never trust. Not brilliant at all.
NewPapaGuinea · 09/02/2022 13:00

Not CF, but a bit odd to not mention it and then settle the debt in this manner.

Crocadoodledoo · 09/02/2022 13:01

I think it’s pretty shocking to forget to repay £120 - unless you and your friend are such high earners that it barely makes a dent in your respective bank accounts.

That said, it’s very mean of her to bring it up as she did. It doesn’t sound as though she likes you - could she be jealous?

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2022 13:02

"@Gwenhwyfar Yes, it really is. I went out just last night and we spent £150 between the two of us, for steak and a bottle of wine. So with my friends, it does balance out."

OMG! I was shocked by the £200 as a wedding present as well, but I seem to be the only one.

Holidaypls2022 · 09/02/2022 13:02

Why on earth would she pay you back for other events since, knowing you already owed her? How weird not to take that opportunity to say 'oh but you still owe me...'. Yeah it's not great forgetting to pay her back but doing that on your wedding day is just nasty.