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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
TigerLilyTail · 09/02/2022 11:52

@MonicaGellerBing

I bet this ends up in the Daily Fail
I was just thinking the same thing!!
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 11:53

@Fairylightsongs So you’ve never taken it in turns with friends to pay for dinner?

My point was even though it’s been two years since we went out to dinner, it’s very much on my radar that the next meal is on me. However, the pandemic has stopped that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 11:54

@MonicaGellerBing

I bet this ends up in the Daily Fail
Oh shit! I really hope not. I can’t stand them! My personal life (which I have publicly shared here…) isn’t juicy enough for them!
OP posts:
HoneyFlowers · 09/02/2022 11:55

I had a friend who has never coughed up for her share of a meal out in 2002 and still to see a penny to this day.

ChickenStripper · 09/02/2022 11:56

She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid

She shouldn't have had to - it should have been your number one priority.

HoneyFlowers · 09/02/2022 11:56

@MonicaGellerBing

I bet this ends up in the Daily Fail
Grin Was thinking the same!
LeavingTheParty · 09/02/2022 11:57

Ok, so I transferred £120 and sent a text telling her I feel terrible it had been hanging over us the whole time and I’m sorry she felt she could never raise it before now. I also thanked her again for being part of our wedding day.

I think you sound far too kind to be her friend. I hope she realises what a twat she’s been and apologises. It will never be forgotten though as she chose to do this on your wedding day.

burnoutbabe · 09/02/2022 11:59

her waiting all this time also means you can't be sure you didn't pay her back via a few meals etc. As who remembers that far back.

If you are always conscous of who last paid etc (i am too, an accountant bt trade) then you may well have picked up a few meals to cover it. But no way to prove that now unfortunately.

Fluenty · 09/02/2022 12:00

Wow I’m surprised at the responses here
Obviously it’s bad to not have paid her, but to hold onto that for almost a decade and then bring it up on your wedding, would make me feel a bit weird
She obviously is happy to bring it up, so why not earlier
She’s clearly owed you money before, so again why not earlier.
Wanting her £120 back is fair enough, but holding onto it for that particular moment would ring alarm bells with me.

Rewis · 09/02/2022 12:01

I think your friend was quite rude. Sure, you should have paid back without asking. But once you didn't then she could have reminded you. Choosing to do the reminder at your wedding card is very rude. I'd pay her the money back. I wouldn't want this "wedding present" over my head. I'm nit gonna go with LTB but I would observe this friendship if there is something else going on.

Thankfully with mobile pay applications it's easy to transfer immediately but I really don't see forgetting to pay something is the worst crime. My friend owes me £50 for upcoming weekend. If she doenst pay Friday I'll ask her or just send a request with an app. I'm not gonna wait till her wedding.

Footnote · 09/02/2022 12:02

It’s so passive aggressive that it’s just aggressive.
Your response is perfect.

DePfeffoff · 09/02/2022 12:07

I do think that after 8 years if you haven't pushed the issue it's a bit late to do so, especially this way. If she's your friend, how hard would it have been to ask you around 7 years ago whether you'd forgotten about it?

MelCat · 09/02/2022 12:07

I don’t say this is CF, but I think it’s rude and petty. I can only assume she was tight on money and couldn’t afford a present. Rather then say that she went through some palava about you owing her money for a concert 8 years ago.

Does she keep a list? Honestly, I could not remember who paid for what last year let alone 8 years ago.

Also why do this on your wedding day? Make you feel a bit bad? She could have asked days/weeks before.

I have to say this would make me review friendship. I would be worried I’d be getting regular invoices for items I “hadn’t paid for”. I also would be a bit concerned she likes to put a dampener on things that are about you.

SeasonFinale · 09/02/2022 12:08

I actually think by transferring the sum you have been more passive aggressive than her. Now she owes you a wedding present!! Grin

PleasantBirthday · 09/02/2022 12:09

How do you feel about the whole thing, OP? Has it changed your feelings about her or can you just let it go?

amusedbush · 09/02/2022 12:10

This is bonkers. I understand the money still being on your friend's mind (my ex-flatmate did me out of £60 in 2013 and when I asked for it back, he hung up and blocked me on every social media platform. I would 100% still like that £60 back Grin) but she has gone about it horribly. Writing that in a wedding card takes brass balls, especially seeing as you have given her more money over the years.

I'd just tell that her wedding gift from you makes you even and call it a day.

gogohm · 09/02/2022 12:15

I think it's brilliant actually. She hadn't forgotten, but this means it's forgiven!

Yaya26 · 09/02/2022 12:21

She should have mentioned it at the time not as a big deal but something like Checkerd -did you transfer the concert ticket money. I haven't noticed it in my bank account.

This seems kinda nasty. Eight years is a long time to hold a grudge with a good friend about £120 . It would leave a real bad taste in my mouth if she brought up now especially in connection with your wedding.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 12:22

@PleasantBirthday

How do you feel about the whole thing, OP? Has it changed your feelings about her or can you just let it go?
I was and still am mortified that my mistake led to this. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s not impossible I paid for meals to balance things out, but obviously can’t be too sure, but I’m still embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us for all these years.

I was also amazed at the way she brought it up, and did think it’s cheeky. There have been many many times when she could have brought it up. The last time I paid for anything was summer 2019, when she owed me £350 for a weekend away (group weekend away that I did the booking for). That was just one time she could have said hey, you still owe me £120, so I’ll take that off. There were many other times before then away that she could have brought it up, but she didn’t and instead chose to make it my wedding gift.

We’re more friends through circumstance, in that it’s a group friendship and we meet more in the group setting than one on one, but I am still surprised at the way she dealt with it. It just feels so very random.

OP posts:
Ileflottante · 09/02/2022 12:22

I love her. She sounds brilliant.

You’re the CF, not her. She played a blinder long game. Also, I don’t think she likes you that much.

PleasantBirthday · 09/02/2022 12:25

I am still surprised at the way she dealt with it. It just feels so very random.

Yeah, it's an odd one for sure. Weddings can bring out some very strange behaviour (and by the way, congratulations!).

BatshitBanshee · 09/02/2022 12:30

The fact that she's held onto that for almost a decade and chooses your wedding day to roast you with it in a card no less makes me say dump her as a friend, because it sounds like she just wanted to take you down a few notches. Very odd behaviour.

Classicblunder · 09/02/2022 12:30

I am surprised by the number of people who can't imagine forgetting something like this. Do they literally never forget something important? Must be nice to be so perfect

Notwithittoday · 09/02/2022 12:30

I think you’re both CF.
Did you stay in a hotel or something? Go for a meal beforehand ? Maybe you paid for something else and though it equal

Retisestress · 09/02/2022 12:34

@Horseradish01

I don’t think it’s CFery but I do think it’s passive aggressive and petty. Has she been seething for 8 years rather than just ask for the money? Then chooses your wedding day to make a point Hmm
This ! A very calculated dig .
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