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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
HaveringWavering · 09/02/2022 19:14

@Checkered1

And did you ask her why she didn’t get your husband a present

No, I didn’t. We didn’t get wedding gifts from some people so I just put her and her husband in that category and didn’t question it.

I mean when she said this:

Said that I didn’t need to transfer her the money and it was her wedding gift to me.

Who gives a wedding gift to only one half of the couple?

billy1966 · 09/02/2022 19:39

OP,

I think she is absolutely ghastly.

To bring this up at the time of your wedding has to be one of the crasses, most classless thing to do.

Petty doesn't come near describing it.

I don't believe for a second you did it deliberately.

That she would think a wedding gift is the time to settle this, is appalling.

I honestly would never get the sour taste of this interaction from my mouth.

Glad you paid the £120, cheap if it means you don't have to see her again.

As for my wedding, I wouldn't want her near it.

You may not feel like you can rescind the invite, but I really wouldn't blame you if you did.

No real friend would ever dream of doing such a thing.

This is the action of a petty, mean spirited, obtuse person.

Really unbelievable.

Flowers
Dishwashersaurous · 09/02/2022 19:44

Clearly she has been harbouring a grudge and to bring it up at the wedding is so so werid.

NeverChange · 09/02/2022 19:52

I think this thread is insane. You forgot to pay a friend back and she slowly simmers for 8 years before passively aggressively calling you out on it and using you wedding, of all events, to do so.

She had had numerous opportunities to raise this, especially when you paid for holiday etc. I don't accept that it was too awkward to rise it but it isn't awkward to do so in a wedding card.

She's quids in right now, reducing the wedding gift and you paying her back.

It's pretty, immature, vindictive and down right batvshit crazy. She has some real issues and I would be very wary of paying anything other than your own portion of the day of anything you do together again. It would seriously alter my opinion of her if she was my friend.

I8toys · 09/02/2022 19:59

Tacky to bring it up as a wedding gift - its nothing to do with the groom. Should have been mentioned a long time ago. Its obviously festered like a huge gaping wound.

WorriedGiraffe · 09/02/2022 19:59

I think this would ruin the friendship for me
OP, especially as she’s now confirmed that she did it because she’s been bitterly simmering on it for 8 years rather than for a joke or something thinking you’d see the funny side. It’s very spiteful of her, and she hoped the have the last word by doing this at your wedding, and now is ‘disappointed’ that you’ve paid her back, because it shows her to be the spiteful person she is. Very sad thing to do on her part

Ipadflowers · 09/02/2022 20:01

@billy1966

OP,

I think she is absolutely ghastly.

To bring this up at the time of your wedding has to be one of the crasses, most classless thing to do.

Petty doesn't come near describing it.

I don't believe for a second you did it deliberately.

That she would think a wedding gift is the time to settle this, is appalling.

I honestly would never get the sour taste of this interaction from my mouth.

Glad you paid the £120, cheap if it means you don't have to see her again.

As for my wedding, I wouldn't want her near it.

You may not feel like you can rescind the invite, but I really wouldn't blame you if you did.

No real friend would ever dream of doing such a thing.

This is the action of a petty, mean spirited, obtuse person.

Really unbelievable.

Flowers

Wow, that’s all very extreme 😂
mistermagpie · 09/02/2022 20:02

@WorriedGiraffe

I think this would ruin the friendship for me OP, especially as she’s now confirmed that she did it because she’s been bitterly simmering on it for 8 years rather than for a joke or something thinking you’d see the funny side. It’s very spiteful of her, and she hoped the have the last word by doing this at your wedding, and now is ‘disappointed’ that you’ve paid her back, because it shows her to be the spiteful person she is. Very sad thing to do on her part
Same here. What a shame. If it bothered her so much, which it clearly did, then she had YEARS to bring it up. I don't buy that she felt too awkward, because this whole 'wedding card as passive aggressive invoice' thing is awkward as all fuck and that doesn't seem to bother her.

I'm sorry OP, but I think I'd be done with this friendship now and try not to dwell on it.

lemondrop21 · 09/02/2022 20:17

I can't see how you went to the concert not remembering to pay for it. Surely actually going would have triggered "oh I need to send friend money for this".

I admire her cf.

TrufflesAndToast · 09/02/2022 20:23

@lemondrop21

I can't see how you went to the concert not remembering to pay for it. Surely actually going would have triggered "oh I need to send friend money for this".

I admire her cf.

You admire someone who simmered silently for eight years about a genuine mistake from her friend, too cowardly to actually speak to her about it, and then eventually did something so absolutely petty and nasty on their wedding day? That’s what you aspire to? How odd. I pity and cringe for her, personally.
CurbsideProphet · 09/02/2022 20:42

I don't see how she could have felt awkward to remind you, yet not too awkward to remind you 8 years later via a message in a wedding card. Sounds like she's not a friend after all.
I'm really baffled so many posters think not mentioning the concert tickets for 8 whole years until your wedding day is completely normal behaviour from a friend.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 09/02/2022 20:45

I'm really baffled so many posters think not mentioning the concert tickets for 8 whole years until your wedding day is completely normal behaviour from a friend.

I think a lot of MNetters are batshit crazy like being as contrary as possible.

Hb12 · 09/02/2022 21:06

It takes a whole lot of brass balls to pull this on someone's wedding day. I find it hard to believe someone like that would be too shy to mention it for 8 whole years.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/02/2022 22:06

@Sweetpeasaremadeforbees

I'm really baffled so many posters think not mentioning the concert tickets for 8 whole years until your wedding day is completely normal behaviour from a friend.

I think a lot of MNetters are batshit crazy like being as contrary as possible.

😂😂😂
EarringsandLipstick · 09/02/2022 22:08

I think the friend's behaviour has been truly awful. Unforgivably so.

I don't think it's funny or evidence of having balls.

I think it's beyond imagining that she'd hold onto this grudge for 8 - eight! - years and choose the time of her close friend's wedding to address it so slyly.

Looubylou · 09/02/2022 22:21

I think she's not such a great friend, to write it in your wedding card. You might have been really upset. She seems to have conveniently forgot your generosity too. I'd view her very differently now.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 09/02/2022 22:31

I’d just call it quits and never mention it again.

Runnerduck34 · 09/02/2022 23:44

Very odd, I understand her being cross at the time,it's a lot of money to forget to pay back, you should have remembered at the time- not sure how you could forget to pay for such a big thing- but also she should have reminded you.
Putting in your wedding card 8 years later is crazy and actually vindictive. Far too much water under the bridge to do that on your wedding day 8 years later. It's clearly been eating away at her and now upset you. I'm glad you managed to talk to her about it, I think you were right to pay it back, I hope she will now buy a wedding gift and you can both move on

SummerWhisper · 10/02/2022 00:29

Well I would just like to say that you come across as lovely, kind, thoughtful and generous. I hope you manage to restore the friendship or move on. She hit you below the belt and in my opinion, you did not deserve that. Flowers

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2022 03:37

I’d say a friend who “ forgets” £120 debt isn’t such a great friend and I’d view her differently now 😂

ForeverSingle881 · 10/02/2022 03:46

Awful behaviour on her part. Absolutely awful cuntish attention seeking behaviour. To do this for your wedding is some of the deranged behaviour I've ever heard. She either HATES you and has been seething with resentment for 8 years or she's a psycho. I'd cool the friendship, you don't need people like her in your life.

Superhanz · 10/02/2022 04:07

I'm embarrassed for her. Imagine hanging on to that for 8 years ago and then deducting it from your wedding gift. I'm even cringing reading that! If she has the balls to bring it up like this I really don't see why she couldn't have plucked up the courage to tell you earlier, I feel like it would make things awkward in my friendship if this was me because I'd be thinking she'd been thinking about this the whole time yet saying nothing.

Look, sometimes people forget to pay back and she should have addressed it immediately. I actually do think she was a cheeky fucker to do this on your wedding day.

Dibbydoos · 10/02/2022 04:45

I think it's great you can be honest like this!

One of my friends came to my wedding - full sit down everything and didn't even get me a card! Yes no longer associate with her - talk about short arms and very deep pockets. Some people are horrible. It's funny this is the first time I've thought about it since we married in 1999!

SquirrelG · 10/02/2022 05:03

I think your friend is being ridiculous! She could have mentioned at the time that you hadn't paid her - to wait 8 years and then not give you a wedding gift is pathetic.

felttipn · 10/02/2022 05:14

OP is getting a ridiculously shit time here. Clearly a mistake from 8 years ago which any normal 'friend' would have bought up rather than use to shit on your wedding! I think this is appalling of your friend and I would be really hurt.