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Original poster

Is this cheeky fuckery re wedding gift

545 replies

Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 09:55

I know I am unreasonable re the story as it’s my fault, but wondering if it’s CF behaviour! Lighthearted.

NC in case my dear friend is on here! If you are L, hello!!

Around 8 years ago, a friend and I went to one of those 90s band reunion concerts. The ticket was around £120 each and for some reason I never paid her back. I assume I completely forgot but I never paid her. I’m honestly not one to never pay back, so I really can’t remember what happened. She also never mentioned it herself as if she did, I would have paid.

So 8 years pass and I forget about it and she never mentions it.

I got married two weeks ago. Her wedding card included a note that her wedding gift is those concert tickets that I never paid her for. I checked my bank account (lucky in that the latest I can go back online is 2014!) and indeed I can’t see that I transferred her anything. I honestly cannot remember why I never paid her, it’s unlike me, but looks like I never did.

I text her to apologise for never paying her back, so there’s no issue between us at all, in fact I was more embarrassed that there was this debt hanging over us all this time.

But I’m just wondering if the way she approached it is in the realms of cheeky fuckery, or if it’s actually clever!

OP posts:
Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 14:50

@mistermagpie No, she’s read my message but not responded.

OP posts:
satelliteheart · 09/02/2022 14:53

I’ve checked my bank statement more closely and I have a transaction for £136 for a restaurant the day of the concert, so I do now wonder if I paid her by paying for dinners instead of an actual transfer. If that is indeed the case, then I feel less guilty and really very disappointed actually.

But two concert tickets at £120 each is £240, so your £136 dinner doesn't even that up at all. You can't pay for your own dinner + hers and then say "oh, that covers the money I owe you for my one ticket". You can only count her share of the dinner (£68) towards the money you owe her.

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2022 14:55

It looks like you did partly pay her back via meals. Were you also buying drinks/taxi? It's ridiculous that she's kept quiet all this time, but is happy to throw the boot in just after your wedding. She didn't want your happiness to be last, did she? It isn't normal what she's done. It's vindictive and petty. Start to distance from her.

Justme10 · 09/02/2022 14:55

She doesn't sound like a very nice person to me, not someone I would want to be friends with.
She's had many opportunities to ask you for the money in the last 8 years, she has done this to make you feel bad and embarrassed on your wedding day. That's not a good friend.

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2022 14:56

Just to add, she hasn't given you anything as a gift because she thinks that she was owed her wedding gift and has added interest. As said, distance yourself.

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 14:56

@satelliteheart I know that. I wouldn’t deliberately underpay. My point is I can see I paid for dinner that night. I may have also paid for dinner the following time too. I can’t remember. But it appears that whilst I didn’t transfer her £120 directly, I paid for dinners to balance it out. So she’s not right to say I never paid her back.

OP posts:
redandwhite1 · 09/02/2022 14:58

Why didn't she ever ask you? Cant be much of a friend if she's left it that long and decides of all times to claim it back on the best day of your life

She's the CF in my eyes on this one!!!

Foijkl · 09/02/2022 15:00

It’s almost like you got Rick Rolled but concert-ticket-rolled. I would actually find that quite funny between good friends.

Cornettoninja · 09/02/2022 15:01

She was too polite to nag you for it but this has now corrected the situation

By putting a note in a wedding card without another word about it?!? That’s not polite, or kind, it’s passive aggressive and actually quite spiteful.

KeepYaHeadUp · 09/02/2022 15:04

@AryaStarkWolf

It's so awkward having to ask people for money back, she probably did drop hints that you ignored around the time
I'm trying to get my head around thinking asking for money back is awkward, but the passive aggressive message in the wedding card is LESS awkward
KeepYaHeadUp · 09/02/2022 15:07

@SeasonFinale

I actually think by transferring the sum you have been more passive aggressive than her. Now she owes you a wedding present!! Grin
If the friend didn't want the money paid back why the message in the card?
Gooseberrypies · 09/02/2022 15:07

Sometimes people forget things. Even very important things. If she never reminded you how would you ever remember you hadn't done it (especially if you partly paid her back with dinner etc and meant to transfer the rest later)?! She sounds nasty - and don't forget, now you've paid her back she owes you a wedding gift. This is calculated. She chose your wedding day to make a point about something that 1) has never been brought up in a more informal way and 2) is clearly not that big an issue for her financially. If she needed the money at any point she could have just asked - not that she should have to need it if she was owed it, but my point is, what friend wouldn't have said, even once, 'hey OP can you transfer that £120 we forgot about?'. Even stranger that she's paid you money for things and not said 'oh I'll pay you £X amount instead to cover the ticket money you owe me' as time passed - especially after 8 years!! Me and my friends also take turns when going out for dinner or getting taxis and drinks somewhere so completely understand what you mean about missing it or reimbursing her through those things.

DrSbaitso · 09/02/2022 15:11

[quote Checkered1]@satelliteheart I know that. I wouldn’t deliberately underpay. My point is I can see I paid for dinner that night. I may have also paid for dinner the following time too. I can’t remember. But it appears that whilst I didn’t transfer her £120 directly, I paid for dinners to balance it out. So she’s not right to say I never paid her back.[/quote]
Tell her? Send screenshots of the transactions?

ElftonWednesday · 09/02/2022 15:11

I would have reminded you to pay me and not held a grudge for 8 years to repaid with a lack of wedding gift. I find it rather bonkers.

Mollysocks · 09/02/2022 15:12

@Mollysocks

If she knew, which she clearly did to bring it up, why hasn’t she mentioned it all these years? She must have remembered, stewed on it and not told you and kept it to bring up about the wedding present. Bonkers!

At least you’ve saved some money OP. You already owed her that money, you’ve just avoided also buying a wedding gift!

Oh it was YOUR wedding gift - I completely read that wrong!! Well that makes it a little more cheeky and weird. I’d just learn from this OP - never lend to or borrow from friends.
Bigboysmademedoit · 09/02/2022 15:24

I think she’s a total CF. You gave her £200 for her wedding - that was a chance for her to say ‘jokingly’ ‘oh does that include the £120 you owe me?’ She’s had loads of opportunities and to leave it until your wedding day is mean spirited and passive aggressive. If she’s that keen to ensure money is repaid she could have given you £80 and said the other £120 was for the concert tickets. I’d give her a wide berth from now on.

pupcakes · 09/02/2022 15:36

Wow there are some strange people on this thread Grin

OP - I think she's mad never to have mentioned it in 8 years, and super passive aggressive to have wrote that in your card. I would have done the same as you, a transfer and apology text, and distance myself in future!

Oh and me and some of my mates take it in turns buying each other dinner too

HelloFrostyMorning · 09/02/2022 15:47

That is pretty weird. You not giving her the £120 you owed from 8 years is a bit of a cheek, and you really should have. But her storing it up in her grudge bank for ALMOST A DECADE, and then with-holding it and saying 'your wedding gift is the £120 you owe me from 2013' is pretty vindictive.

My uncle's wife (aunty Lynne - related by marriage to me, not blood relative,) was married in the 1980s and 1990s to another man - Paul. Paul borrowed £300 off Lynne's mother (his MIL) in 1996. He never gave it back.

Lynne and Paul divorced in 2003, and when Lynne's mother died in 2005, she left £2500 cash to each of her 5 children, but knocked £300 off Lynne's. Lynne was devastated and hurt and embarrassed, as it was such a kick in the teeth, and so embarrassing at the reading of the will. Everyone was shocked at this nasty act, and it was nasty, and vindictive.

So I have to say @Checkered1, regarding YOUR situation, this is not the actions of a good friend. Then again, not giving back £120 is not the actions of a good friend either. You SHOULD have offered it back. You are in the wrong too, but her actions are vindictive and weird. You both sound like poor friends to be honest.

HelloFrostyMorning · 09/02/2022 15:50

Saying you paid for dinner a few times is irrelevant, and a poor excuse. You should still have paid the £120 back. Still, her actions are very vindictive and spiteful.

rookiemere · 09/02/2022 15:50

But@Mollysocks it doesn't even sound like borrowing or lending, just the natural workings of a trip together, and - from OPs old bank account- seems as if OP may have paid back her share through meals anyway.
Thank goodness these days apps such as billsplitter exist to avoid these scenarios.

DrSbaitso · 09/02/2022 15:51

Lynne and Paul divorced in 2003, and when Lynne's mother died in 2005, she left £2500 cash to each of her 5 children, but knocked £300 off Lynne's. Lynne was devastated and hurt and embarrassed, as it was such a kick in the teeth, and so embarrassing at the reading of the will. Everyone was shocked at this nasty act, and itwasnasty, and vindictive.

That's amazing. Knocking off money people owe you, and not even that individual herself, after you're dead.

Maybe there really are pockets in shrouds...

Original poster
Checkered1 · 09/02/2022 15:55

@HelloFrostyMorning You’re acting like I did it on purpose. I did no such thing. I would never not pay someone back. So I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make there. I thought I forgot but now I’m thinking I paid by covering her costs for things.

And no, paying for dinners is not a poor excuse. It’s exactly how we often repay each other in several of my friendship groups. Friend will buy tickets for something, I pay for a dinner or two. I pay for trains, friend will pay for accommodation, and so on. No one I know splits costs to a penny, it balances out.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/02/2022 16:11

Sorry as it's a little bit off piste, but in the Lynne and Paul story, aren't we forever reading about siblings not being treated equally in handouts and wills and all the issues this causes. In this case the DM was being totally equitable as Lynnes DH at the time had already received that money, therefore it's right and proper to take it from her share.

KateMcCallister · 09/02/2022 16:18

@Juniper68

I'd have paid her then fucked her off
This.

She's had 8 YEARS to bring it up, 8 birthdays to not get you a gift, numerous occasions of events, dinners etc to say "oh you never paid me back for the Steps tickets, we're even now!" As it stands, you've paid for meals etc to balance it out at the time so you owe her nothing (hopefully it was actually a Bros concert 🤣)

That is one of the most calculated fuck yous I've ever seen.

PrinnyPree · 09/02/2022 16:23

Meh you were technically the cheeky fucker, £120 is a generous gift. Have a laugh about it, take it as no hard feelings and move on! Smile